"I am SPAWM! It all started when I was a hired hacker named Hogg McFarmland. I had a happy life. I was married to a wonderful terrier named Lea Ann. Life was grand I tell you.

Then the man I was working for, Bill Gatesacus, had me killed in cyberspace. Where I was sent to CyberHell also known as 'Macintoshoglia'. It appears my former employer draws his power from Macintoshoglia and must sacrifice good people in order to retain his power."