Refuge for Sonic freaks and outdated HTML since 1997

May 26, 2004
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, nobody could tell me anything about it anymore.

The new message board went up quicker than expected, and is now ready for mass malice. Segaholic and I have been working almost nonstop over the weekend to pull it together, but most of the credit should go to him both for providing the server space and understanding the technical jargon associated with the thing. If you intend to use the new forum, please be sure to stop and give him a hand job on the way in.

http://www.nathantsui.com/ghzforum/

This is a shiny new board and we're going to be a bit stricter with stupidity, so please have a glance at the rules in the FAQ before you do something that might piss somebody off. There are about a dozen moderators and they're all cranky. -- Green Gibbon!

May 21, 2004
I still remember my own seventh birthday quite vividly. The year was 1988, and the celebration took place at the local aquatic club, which was the fashion among elementary students of the era. As was also the fashion, my intent was to invite only those of the same gender to partake of the festivities, but my mother and grandmother, who were in charge of coordinating the event, had no intention of throwing a stag party. I made a valiant effort to persuade them with arguments about all the diseases girls were known to carry, but my reasonable objections fell on deaf ears. I knew I was going to be the biggest doofus at the Our Mother of Peace elementary because I'd invited girls to my party, but I was powerless against the matriarchal dictatorship. Of course the first guest to arrive the night of the party turned out to be Allison, my biggest rival in the entire second grade. It would've been difficult to discern who was the official "smartest student" in that class... the boys all backed me up while the womenfolk were on Allison's side. Either way, we were now up against each other one-on-one, and she was wearing an obnoxious frilly French maid one-piece. I was expecting the worst, but the first thing she commented on was the temperature of the water. I don't remember exactly how I responded, but I'm pretty sure it was some kind of abysmal attempt at a retort which she ignored. Conversation went on like this for about 10 minutes before the rest of the guests began arriving. A couple of my buddies pulled me aside and expressed amazement that Allison and I hadn't torn each other to shreds, and I had to admit that I wasn't really sure how it happened, either. Either way, the party turned out okay even with girls, and I got twice as many presents. The years went by, and I lost my "prodigy student" status sometime around the sixth or seventh grade, never to regain it. The second grade was the last time I ever saw Allison, but today I imagine she's in law school or has perhaps started her own business. I, meanwhile, am struggling to procure my baccalaureate from a third-rate university in a 4-year program that will have taken me 5½, I play too many videogames, and my greatest accomplishment is this moronic Sonic the Hedgehog fansite. I have no idea what Allison is up to these days, but I'm pretty sure she's won.

But it's not my seventh birthday, it's the GHZ's. There won't be any pool parties... ideally there would be French maids, but it turns out there isn't enough in the budget. I have, however, managed to procure three exclusive interviews with three of the most pivotal men in Sonic's history: Yuji Naka, Takashi Iizuka, and Naoto Oshima. Revelations abound.

So another E3 has come and gone, and though I couldn't afford to fly my broke ass to L.A. this year, it doesn't seem like I missed much. When the stars of the show are a pair of handheld systems slightly less powerful than what's out now, both with nothing to sport but remakes of games that already exist, it is a quiet year in gameland. The most potentially exciting revelation was the announcement of Phantasy Star Universe. Apparently it's an MMO action RPG, which I guess technically makes it Phantasy Star Online 2. Like I said last time, we've reached a point where it's difficult to get excited over anything Sonic Team has on its agenda, but maybe this will finally be the return to form. Maybe. They still haven't shown the actual game yet...

As a game-player, my interest in Sony's PSP is very minimal, though as an industry-watcher, I have to admit I think this is going to be the first handheld console since the Game Gear that may be able to go up against the Game Boy dynasty. Of course Sonic Team's plan is to slop Puyo Puyo Fever over onto the contraption, meaning this decent-at-best rendition of Compile's 15-year-old puzzle game will now have a reign of terror spanning 8 different consoles, which I believe may be a record. Sonic, meanwhile, will be spinning his merry way onto the Nintendo DS. (There's also a tech demo featuring Sonic running in a 3D tropical arena that I don't think is actually Sonic DS. At least, I prefer to think that it isn't.)

When I sat down to design this site seven years ago, I had nothing but a clearance "HTML for Dummies" book that was outdated even when I bought it. I haven't really bothered to learn anything since then, and now there's all this SQL and PHP stuff that you're supposed to have to run a professional-looking site. Of course I know nothing of any of it, but there are a few guys here who do. Thanks to the tireless efforts of Brother Tsui, aka Segaholic2, resident chink champ of the Hill, the notoriously elusive admins have been contacted and the GHZ finally has its own something-or-other SQL database. I have no idea what that means, but apparently it's got something to do with PHP. I have no idea what that means either, but I'm told by more competent GHZers that we'll be able to get a news script and possibly even an update script running. But the proud warrior Tsui didn't stop there: he's also got a new message board in the works. This one's from PHPBB, meaning that the GHZ will, at long last, have a real forum. The timing is most fortuitous, as it seems the old message board we've been using for the past six years or so has finally pooped out for good. The new one will hopefully be ready in a couple of weeks.

So, we can finally start making some big things happen around the site. The only thing that stands in our way at this point is our own collective laziness. With that, I think I'll go take a nap. -- Green Gibbon!

May 12, 2004
Phantasy Star Universe? Aside from the new Zelda, this is the only E3 announcement so far that's made me raise an eyebrow. Is it, perhaps, a proper MMORPG? Phantasy Star 5? Or is it something stupid like a bundle collection of all the old PS games? It's impossible to ignore the fact that Sonic Team have disappointed consistently for the past three years, but in the darkest hour, maybe...

We here at the GHZ, incidentally, are all whores. -- Green Gibbon!

To my surprise, there's been quite alot of interest in the Sonic Battle page. For those of you who have been waiting, it is now complete and awaiting perusal. I think I may have gone overboard. Altogether I played through the entire game three times, and while I cheated on the latter two, I think I still went above and beyond the call of duty. They don't give purple hearts for that kind of pain, though, only for people who run around the desert and have their face burned off by Molotov cocktails. Does this make me devoted or just frickin' stupid? (Please don't answer.)

As you may notice and may or may not care, I've made a couple of slight changes to the museum page layout, most notably the addition of the "Lost in Translation" feature. I figure that's pretty self-explanitory, it's the part of the page devoted to pointing out the regional differences in each game. There usually aren't many, but if I'm going to get so detailed as to point out that the Game Gear version of Sonic 1 has warning arrows while the Master System version does not, I may as well mention the moving clouds in the Japanese version of MD Sonic 1. These changes will be applied to the other pages shortly. The way I've decided to do it is this: as I update each museum page, all the elements from that game will be added to the Sonic Glossary, which I'm going to rename the more descriptive Sonic Encyclopedia. So information will be added to the encyclopedia chronologically: first all the stuff from Sonic 1, then all the stuff from Sonic 2, and so on. Before I begin that project, though, I still want to get the Sonic Heroes page done. That is currently underway, and its completion depends entirely on how many GameCube controllers I destroy in the research process. I must be a closet masochist.

I guess everyone's seen the four screenshots of Sega SuperStars. It looks just like every other EyeToy game to me. That is, fun for about half an hour, once. I just don't get the EyeToy thing. The technology is impressive, but what are you supposed to do with it? It seems like a one-trick pony. I do not believe it has any practical applications for games with any substance. I've long dreamt of Sega's answer to Nintendo's self-indulgent Smash Bros, but I don't think this is going to be it.

Sonic Heroes is being ported to PC, because I guess character-based platform games do well in the Japanese PC market (they sure don't here). Sonic Mega Collection is being ported to PS2 with the word "Plus" appended to the title. What the "Plus" stands for has yet to be revealed, though I find Segaholic's theory of a shinier cover to be the most likely probability.

Other points of interest: Del discovered this Fang plush doll on eBay which lends credence to two theories I've had: of Sonic-related merchandise, plush toys carry the highest collector's value, and of plush toys, Fang carries the highest worth. About a hundred fifty dollar's worth. There are children starving in Ethiopia. Point of interest #2: the GHZ will be celebrating its 7th birthday in about a week. If laziness doesn't get the better of me, I have a couple of cool things planned. By "cool things" I mean stuff like this dumb gag, nothing worth travelling back here to see. Point of interest #3: I recently received an e-mail from one Dave who said of the site: "I love it like I love my wife, she is jealous". If I can break up a happy marriage through the GHZ, I will have achieved my life's goal. Let that broad know who's boss, Dave. The GHZ can't give you sex, but it can give you... uh... well, I can give you the links to some porn sites if you want.

In closing, let me remind everyone to call your mom this Mother's Day. Because I know I'm going to call your mom this Mother's Day. -- Green Gibbon!

April 9, 2004
I don't believe Eggman actually does wuv bunnies - I certainly prefer to think that he doesn't - but I felt the need to bring back the logo drawings because not a single person asked for it. (Seriously. Not one single person.) An Easter theme made sense, and I figured my original idea for Eggman on the cross was probably a bit too much (I'll leave those gags to Sonic Cult), so now the front page is filled with the bad Doc snuggling resident Sonic bunnie wabbits Pocky and Cream. And to think that, not two weeks ago, I vehemently defended Eggman's heterosexuality in a discussion on the forum.

It's old news by now, but the Sonic Advance 3 rom has already been leaked, which I think is a new record even for a GBA game. It isn't supposed to be officially released until June 17, so theoretically the leaked version would be a beta, but apparently it's the complete game. Though I am unemployed and some $3000 in the hole, I still have too much principle to just download a GBA game, and I'm honestly not that eager to play it anyway, so I'll be a good little boy and wait until June.

The PC version of PSO Episode I&II is being renamed, for whatever reasons, Blue Burst. It's got some new blue-haired chick apparently named Momoka, who I think is extremely cute but Squirrelknight disagrees. His opinion on the matter is more important than mine, because he's agreed to pick up the PSO section of the site. He said he would, anyway. Whether or not he'll actually end up doing it remains to be seen, but at least y'all know that an effort is being made.

I don't think anyone will disagree that Dubs' Sonic comic debut was triumphant, and if they did they'd be wrong. Dubs' art has always had an amazing sense of energy. You can look at anything he draws and you expect it to move right in front of your face. There's always plenty to see, too... the chicken champ squeezed in more Sonic Team visual references than I think have ever been fit into a single issue of the comic book, including what is, as far as I know, the first Burning Rangers reference it's ever had. NiGHTS and Chu² tidbits are sprinkled here and there and Billy Hatcher is on the monitor on the front page, although he's obscured by the credit box. Of particular, interest, though, is the background on the last panel of page 20. It's an emotionally charged scene as Sonic and Princess Sally engage in a little lover's quarrel in front of all Knothole Village. For such a powerful performance, only one snack will suffice, and Tails has the goods:

I think the only frontier left is to have the GHZ featured on the cover of Time magazine.

The Sonic Battle page is actually finished and has been so for a couple of weeks, but I'm in the process of playing through it again in Japanese to catch any name discrepancies and whatnot. That shouldn't take too long except that finals loom nigh, and I'll be really wrapped up with all that for the rest of the month. As with every semester, there exists the very real danger that I might not survive, so incase I never get to see you guys again: remember that Eggman loves you. -- Green Gibbon!

So PSO C.A.R.D. Revolution is out. I still haven't picked it up yet. I'd actually completely forgotten it was supposed to be released. I've fallen so far behind the PSO scene that I think I'm finally beyond the point of catching up. I'm not sure what's going to happen with the PSO section of the site, unless I can find someone who's willing to manage it. Whatever the case, as curious as I am to see how this whole Ragol story arc is resolved, I'm intimidated by the card thing. After years of curiosity, I've finally starting making small investigations into the card subculture, and all I can see is a mathematic fun house that scares the mortal shit out of me. Someone who requires 5 attempts to pass Math 105 has absolutely no business messing around with cards and dice. This could well be the first Sonic Team game I just don't play.

Speaking of Sonic Team games I have no desire to play, Astro Boy is supposed to be released in a few days in Japan. I have an ethical vendetta against licensed games for a variety of reasons (not all of which are entirely clear to me), and when I found out that Sonic Team was developing an Astro Boy game, I knew in my soul that we'd passed the point of no return. Still, I was gripping to that faint, dim hope that Astro Boy is almost like Mickey Mouse, a character so old and venerable he could hardly even qualify as a "license" anymore. According to all accounts, though, the game blows. To me, crappy licensed games are the absolute bane of the industry. There is nothing lower, nothing. That the once exalted Sonic Team is now stooping to the level of THQ and Bandai is the ultimate kick in the nuts. I've put up with the stream of mediocrity they've thrown in my face since PSO, but this is a betrayal that will not be soon forgiven.

The Sonic Heroes soundtrack was released a couple of weeks ago, which is good news because it was the best part of the game. Also, if I'm not mistaken, issue #134 of the Archie Sonic comic is supposed to be released this month. WB, our ever-beloved champion of chicken, makes his art debut in this issue. I haven't bought any Sonic comics in seven years, but I will own multiple copies of #134, and you should, too.

On a closing note, here's something interesting that Poison Eggroll brought to my attention. This was discovered in MegaGoat, a Mega Man spoof from TatsuSoft. The graphic artist is Tony Nguyen, who used to post at the forum under the name Cuckooguy. Who needs Häagen-Dazs when you can have GHZ? Available in 3 delicious flavors: Drano Cookie dough, Popcorn's mom, and butter pecan! -- Green Gibbon!

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