Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 episode 205:
"The Seminar" by Holly B. Kraft
***SITE EXCLUSIVE***
-----------------
episode 205 of SFT1B
Turn down your lights...(if you want to.)
In the not-too-distant future
In a castle near Iran
Pearl Forrester and her two sideckicks
Were hatchin' up a nasty plan.
They found Mike Nelson, who had escaped
Through a pizza order which they had faked
They decided to put him back in his place
So they stuffed him in a rocket ship and shot him into space!
(MIKE: No!!! Not again!!!)
"I'll send him cheesy stories,
The worst I can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all
And I'll monitor his mind!" (lalala)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Which fanfic she'll send him next. (lalala)
He'll try and think of a way out
With the help of his robot friends!
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT! ("Hit it!")
GYPSY! ("Oh, my!")
TOM SERVO! ("Find my eyes, I dare 'ya!")
CROOOOOOOOW! ("You know you want me, baby!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts, (lalala)
Go get a degree in physics
Or really just relax!
for Science Ficiton Theater 1,000,000,000!
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Mike is center stage.
MIKE: Hi everyone, and welcome to the Satelite of Love, I'm Mike Nelson, and...
[A swinging ax swoops down from the celing. Mike ducks and comes back up]
MIKE: The 'Bots just found out that after I got back to Earth I put them in my will, so now
they're trying to kill me.
[We hear a catapult launching. Mike ducks as Servo, screaming and weilding a knife, comes
flying through the air.]
MIKE: You can imagine just how long I've had to put up with their shenanegans.
[A spiked pie flies towards Mike, but he steps out of the way. Gypsy enters left]
GYPSY: Are they still at it?
MIKE: Yep. [dodges cruise misslie] After I told them last night about the will thing, they've
been trying to do me in. [An anvil mises Mike by two inches, Mike ignores it] First it was zit
cream in my toothpaste tube, then black widow spiders in my sandals.
GYPSY: Too bad. Anyway, I baked a nice cake for you to cheer you up.
[Cambot pans right to reveal a large cake with dynamite sticks lit.]
MIKE: Oh, how nice. I bet that's nitroglycerin for frosting?
GYPSY: Of course.
MIKE: How quaint.
-commercial sign-
MIKE: We'll be right back.
[A death ray fires from the left, missing Mike]
[planet logo, commercials for Dell. What can we build *yours* to do?]
[SOL int.] Servo, Crow and Gypsy are attacking Mike with rubber knives and swords.
MIKE: Look, guys, I didn't leave *everything* to you!
['Bots stop]
SERVO: You didn't?
MIKE: No, I just left you a few Star Trek comemorative plates.
CROW: Then hell with this!
GYPSY: How could you do this to us?
SERVO: We would have killed you for nothing!
MIKE: But you can trade them in for millions apeice!
['Bots re-attack Mike]
-Mads' sign-
MIKE: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
[Castle Forrester] Pearl is center, Observer is practicing on the organ, playing very badly.
PEARL: Oh, Nelknob, you aren't supposed to tell anyone if they're in your will! Didn't you learn
anything from "Murder She Wrote"? Anyway, I'd like to send you your fanfic now, but Whitey is using
all of his powers to learn how to play the organ.
[Observer tries "Hot Cross Buns", but can't get the second note right]
PEARL: Brain Guy! Stop trying to master that stupid pipe-player and send them the fanfic!
OBSERVER: Very well, Pearl. Which one?
PEARL: Send them "The Seminar"!
OBSERVER: Yes, ma'am! [that sound]
[SOL] The 'Bots are still attacking Mike, having made no headway with their fake weapons.
MIKE: They're just plastic, you guys! They can't kill me!
-movie sign-
MIKE: Now we've got fanfic sign! Stop hitting me!
[Mike makes his way through the 'Bots to the right and exits]
6...5...4...3...2...1...
[Mike and the 'Bots enter]
> The Seminar
> written by Holly-B Kraft
MIKE: A seminar in a Sonic story?
CROW: Why not? We got a TV station in a Sonic story.
MIKE: Okay.
>
> I'd just like to tell everyone that I hope they like my story.
ALL: We do, too.
> This is really
> hard to do, especially considering that I'm only a Sophomore in high school.
> I'd also like to say that this contains a little romance, but not from the
> individual you may be thinking of.
SERVO: Antoine!
CROW: Tails!
MIKE: Walt Wallabee!
SERVO: Did you read all the latest Sonic comics when you were back on Earth, Mike?
MIKE: Well, yeah.
> If anyone would like to send me suggestions on stories to write, please mail
> me either here on AOL, or my internet address (cvev69b@prodigy.com)
> All the new characters in this story are copyrighted by me!
SERVO: Uh, oh. New characters.
> All other characters are copyrighted by Sega and DIC
> Please write back to tell me how you liked this!!!
MIKE: We're sure to.
>
>
> Sonic was waiting by the Power Ring pool with Sally. A new mission
> had come up, and this time, it didn't involve Robotnik.
SERVO: 'Cuz he's dead. Nyah, nyah.
CROW: When did the story say it was after "The Doomsday Project"?
SERVO: I'm providing exposition for the readers.
CROW: What readers?
SERVO[frantic]: Uh, I never said anything!
> There was a Freedom Fighters seminar coming up north of the Great
> Forest, and they were almost ready to go.
MIKE: A Freedom Fighter seminar.
CROW: Today you will learn all about the dangers of self-insertion...
> Everyone was leaving Knothole to attend this seminar. What Sally and
> the other Freedom Fighter groups were planning on, was building an
> underground system between all of the Villages, providing easy transport and
> shipment of supplies.
CROW: Then why go to a seminar in the first place?
> "Okay Sonic, how many power rings do we have?" Sally wondered.
SERVO[as Sonic]: Uh... one.
> "Thirty."
MIKE: That's 15 days worth of rings. How can he go so long without using them all?
> "Good. That should give us enough power for weeks. Ready to go?"
SERVO: But they're going to a seminar, so it doesn't really matter.
> Sally smiled.
> "Yup. Let's go gather everyone up."
> Sonic and Sally went back to Knothole to help with the final
> preparations.
CROW: So they aren't ready to go just yet.
>
> "Boy, I sure hope this works," sighed Dulcy,
MIKE: How could a seminar not work?
SERVO: Not too many ways.
> "My back is going to kill me!"
CROW: Her back must have repressed childhood memories that is causing it's need to kill.
> Dulcy was loaded with all the supplies on her back, and the rest was
> being carried in the cruiser.
MIKE: Now, come on. Loadng up a little dragon is just mean.
SERVO: Okay, the crusier is taking the LEGO block, right? Dulcy, take the ice machine, the
water bed, and the kiln. All ready?
> Bunnie helped as much as she could with her robotic strength.
CROW: That sentence makes Bunnie sound weak.
> At the seminar,
SERVO: You learn and stuff.
> there was going to be a lecture on de-roboticization, and she was
> definitely going to that. As was Uncle Chuck.
CROW: Now, hold everything. Where is the seminar, and why can't it be held in Knothole since
it's the only place that has a de-roboticiser?
> Tails had packed up all of his sneakers, socks, and gloves,
MIKE: Note the lack of shirts, pants and underwear.
> as did
> his mentor, Sonic. He was going to a lecture for the newer Freedom Fighters.
SERVO: But he's already a Freedom Fighter.
> "This is going to be so much fun, isn't it Sonic?" Tails smiled.
> "Remember Tails, this seminar isn't just for fun. We need to learn
> while we're there too!" Sonic reminded the bouncy little fox.
CROW: Yes, an actual half-likeable Sonic story! Pearl's going easy on us!
SERVO: Good grammar, spelling and no repetitive verbs!
MIKE: Thanks, Mrs. Forrester!
> "Okay Sonic." he replied.
> Sally gathered everyone up.
> "Freedom Fighters, and Freedom Fighters-to-be, this is going to be
> one of the most important things that you do in your entire lifetime.
SERVO: Wasn't defeating Robotnik the most important?
CROW: And why are they still Freddom Fighters if they have freedom now?
> Robotnik may be gone, but we still need to stay fit and alert. Sonic and I
> have tried our best to find as many Roboticized individuals as possible.
MIKE[as Sally]: And here they are! Sure they want to kill us and stuff, but just see past all
that and ivnvite them into your lives.
> With
> the help of Sir Charles Hedgehog, we've been able to bring them out of the
> trance and let them make their own decisions."
SERVO[as Sally]: I reprogramed them to obey only me! HAHAHAHAHA!
> Sally stepped off to the side
> and brought out a Roboticized mouse. Her eyes were red, yet she was able to
> have her own will.
CROW: Isn't Sally supposed to be saying that to avoid a panic?
> She stepped out into the crowd.
> "This is Tabitha," said Sally, "She's the first person after Uncle
> Chuck to have been brought to her senses.
MIKE[as Sally]: A few slapps and she was right back to normal.
> So far, we've been able to restore
> thirty Roboticized individuals back to their senses."
SERVO[as Sally]: And so far, only twelve have tried to kill us!
> The Knothole Freedom Fighters took this time to start cheering.
MIKE: But they aren't Freedom Fighters anymore!
> As soon as everyone had settled down, Tabitha spoke up.
CROW[as Tabitha]: My name is Tabitha and I have the urge to kill every one of you.
MIKE and SERVO: Hi, Tabitha.
> "I've been Roboticized for five years now. When I was ten, I went on
> mission with some of the southern Freedom Fighters only to be captured by
> Robotnik.
SERVO: The Freedom Fighters had their own child crusades!
> The first mission I went on was my last, but let me tell you, I've
> been wanting to destroy that goon ever since I was four! FREEDOM FIGHTERS
> FOREVER!!" she concluded.
MIKE: But there's no need for Freedom Fighters anymore!
> The crowd began to cheer more.
SERVO: But they were all settled down, so they couldn't be cheering before.
> "Now everyone, it's very important that you check in with the group
> you've been assigned. When you hook up with your group,
CROW: Covalent bonds? Cables? How?
> you will undergo a vigorous training session.
MIKE: What if you signed up for Sex Ed?
> After this has been completed, you will then go to
> your lectures. Now, are we ready?" Sally shouted.
SERVO: ARE YOU READY TO GET $40,000 IN 8 WEEKS FOR ONLY 6 BUCKS!!!???
> "YEAH!" came her reply.
> "Then here we go!"
MIKE: And the Trail of Tears is re-enacted.
>
> "Lupe! It's great to see you again!" smiled Sally.
SERVO: One smile can say so many things.
> "And you as well." the gray wolf smiled.
SERVO: One smile can apparently hold up an entire conversation.
> "I've never seen so many Freedom Fighters in all my life!" Sally
> exclaimed.
CROW[as Sally]: Even though they all were at Knothole anyway since we relocated them for the final
battle.
> "I know, it is wonderful." Lupe replied.
> Suddenly Bunnie ran up to Sally.
MIKE: I found some crystals!
> "You wanted to talk to me, Sally-girl?" she asked.
SERVO[as Sally]: Yes, your accent isn't so prominant today.
> "Yes Bunnie, I did. Have you seen Rotor? I need his help. We're
> building a tunneling machine and I need him." Sally explained.
CROW[as Sally]: We're hoping to dig a hole to Downunda to avoid the seminar.
> "Hmmm...I haven't seen him all day! Where in the world did he get off
> to, you suppose?"
ALL: Maybe a seminar?
> "I think I saw him with Sonic." said Lupe.
> "Do you know where they were going?" asked Sally.
CROW[as Lupe]: They were headed to the nearest Motel 6, saying very disturbing things to each other.
MIKE: Yech.
> "I'm really not sure, but I think they went into the forest for a
> walk." the wolf explained.
SERVO: Okay, what's the schedule here? When are the seminars, demonstrations, and lectures
in acordance with this?
>
> "So Rote, what's up?" Sonic asked his friend as they walked a trail.
MIKE[as Rotor]: Who's Rote? Oh I am.
> "I don't know, to tell you the truth. Although....ah.......never mind
> ... forget I mentioned it." Rotor said uneasily.
CROW: Mentioned what?
MIKE: You really shouldn't bring something up if you don't want to.
> Sonic stopped dead in his tracks. "Rotor! You know you can tell me
> anything. Other than Tails and Uncle Chuck, we're the only sane guys here."
SERVO: Sonic's turning into David Duchovny.
> "But what about Antoine?"
> "I said 'sane' Rotor, not 'insane'. Now really, what's up?"
> "Okay. Well, the thing is..........I'm very lonely........." Rotor
> whispered.
CROW[as Rotor]: I need someone...tender...who can feel the way I do...
MIKE: Now, Crow, that's just sick and I'm going to take it!
CROW: But, Mike I...huh?!?
> "Lonely?" Sonic repeated, looking confused.
> "Yeah, lonely. My family's been Roboticized
SERVO: How does he know that?
> and I just feel left out.
> Now that my workshop is gone, I feel even worse...d- do you know what's
> wrong
> with me?" Rotor asked.
CROW: Well, you seem to be a homosex-
MIKE: CROW! I'm drawing the line!
SERVO: And when did he lose his workshop?
> "I know exactly how you feel Rotor. You've gotta understand, I've had
> to live with out my uncle for eleven years. Uncle Chuck is the only family
> I've got.
CROW and SERVO[as Sonic's parents]: Thank's a lot, son. We're still here somewhere, too.
> Don't worry about it. You wanna know why? We're your family Rotor,
MIKE: That would mean they interbreed.
> and we care about cha a lot!
SERVO: But we don't care about you.
> We'll find your folks Rotor. Someday." Sonic smiled.
SERVO: One smile can say a whole-
MIKE: Okay, Servo.
> "Thanks Sonic."
> "Just one more question, bud. Why did this come up all of a sudden?"
> "Oh...today's my parent's anniversary."
CROW: So? That's their problem!
MIKE[as Rotor's dad]: I got us roboticized for our anniversary, honey!
> Sonic didn't reply.
>
SERVO: And now back to our other scene.
> "I'd like to welcome all of you new Freedom Fighters to this lecture.
MIKE: Today is "Always Name a Geographic Feature by it's Name + 'Great'."
> First order of business is the training session!" declared Bunnie, as she
> paced the stage.
CROW: Jeez, she must be real nervous.
> Sally then stood up.
> "As you know, Robotnik is gone, and that means the battle is over
> right?
SERVO: Knowing Mobians and their backwards theology, no.
> ...Wrong. We need to rise above ourselves and begin to exceed the
> limits of advanced civilization.
MIKE[as Civilization II]: You have found an advanced civilization. Build city, Y or N?
> We, as Freedom Fighters, have the power to
SERVO[as Sally]: Destroy all of Robotnik's power substations.
> prepare for any situation."
MIKE[as Sally]: Except for the complete and total anihilation of the planet Mobius which has
happened in two fanfics already...
> "Now we're not saying that Robotnik will ever be back," continued
> Uncle Chuck, "but we are saying that we need to keep in shape."
SERVO: Oh, it's the "Sound Mind and Body" seminar.
> "So, in case we ever get attacked by anyone, we'll be up to it! Are
> we ready?" Sally asked.
CROW: ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!!??
> The crowd cheered.
> "Good! Now, if you are a new Freedom Fighter, go visit..." she
> trailed off.
MIKE: Jeez, she walked out on her own speech!
> Rotor stood behind the stage by himself. No one saw him except
> Bunnie. She quietly left the stage to see what was wrong.
SERVO[as Rotor]: I'm losing weight! I can see my toes!
> "Hiya sugar." she smiled as she approached him.
> "Hello Bunnie." he replied.
> "Aw, now, Rotor, hon, what the hoo-haw is goin on here?
CROW: Her Southern is going into overdrive!
> You've been
> disappearing constantly, and we can't even find you! Now, sugar,
MIKE[as Bunnie]: Hey-ah, hey-ah, hey-ah, brown sugar! How come you taset so good, y'all?
SERVO: That was downright dumb.
> you know
> you can tell me anything. I'm all ears." Bunnie giggled.
CROW: That is funny, though, 'cuz rabbits have long ears...
MIKE: Okay, Crow.
> Rotor cracked a tiny smile. "Alright, here goes." He then proceeded
SERVO: To lick Bunnie's nose and continue down to her-
MIKE: SERVO!
CROW: Mike, now don't start Servo Syndrome!
> to tell Bunnie about how lonely he was and how he was depressed. Bunnie sat
> there and listened to every word. When he was finished, Rotor let out a big
> sigh.
CROW: Eew, his breath tastes like dead fish.
> "Aw, Rotor, you should've told us! It ain't good when you hide your
> feelin's!" Bunnie exclaimed.
SERVO[as cop]: Alright, buddy, where's your feelings? Huh? Where are they?!
> Just then, Bunnie heard Dulcy calling her.
MIKE: Which would drown out Sally's speech.
> "I've gotta go, sugar. I hope you feel better." Bunnie then got up,
> pecked Rotor on the cheek, and walked away slowly.
SERVO[as Antoine]: Hey! You're my girl! We've both got rediculous accents! We're made for each other!
>
> "Where were you Bunnie?" asked Dulcy.
> "I was talkin to Rotor, he's havin some problems."
> "Oh." was all Dulcy said.
CROW[as Dulcy]: Has he tried Pepto Bismol?
> When the silence was broken, it was because of Bunnie,
SERVO[sarcastic]: Thanks, Bunnie.
> "Whad y'all need me for, Dulcy-girl?"
> "Rosie's cooked up some lunch. Wanna get Rotor?" Dulcy asked politely.
> "No, let him be alone for awhile. He needs to think."
>
MIKE[as Rotor, dumb]: E=MC Hammer. No, that's not right.
> Meanwhile, in the destroyed Robotropolis, Snively began to gather up
> his newest patrol of Swat-bots.
SERVO: Alright, let's see if *he* can't save this fanfic.
> To no one in particular, he said, "This will be the best attack ever
> planned!"
CROW[as Snively]: I'll release Doctor Robotnik and accidentaly bring out King Acorn and Nagus, too!
> He turned to a Swat-bot.
> "Is the ship ready?"
> "Ready, sir." it droned.
> "Good..."
>
MIKE: We now return to "All in the FF Family."
> "HEEEEEE-YAH!" cried Tails as he demonstrated his Kung-Fu to his
> friends.
SERVO: A Kung-Fu seminar.
> "Wow! That was neat Tails!" said a little skunk named Nina.
CROW[as Nina]: Everyone's always blaming my brother for everything.
> "Thank you. Bunnie's been teaching me a lot more lately. I almost got
> my white sash!"
MIKE: Good for you. Now there's only twelve more colors to go...
> The little skunk walked over and talked to him face-to-face.
SERVO[as Nina]: My Uncle Geoffery says you're Aunt Sally is a fox!
MIKE: That won't work here, Servo.
SERVO: Oops.
> "You're cute." was all she said. Nina then turned around and walked
> back to the crowd of eight, nine, and ten-year-olds.
CROW[as Nina]: Hey everyone! I'm going to marry Tails and get a nice apartment and we're going
to go to Disneyland and...
> Tails just stood there, his mouth hung open.
MIKE: No "duh"ing, okay?
CROW and SERVO[disapointed]: Okay, Mike.
> Someone shouted from the crowd. "Do a flying kick again, Tails."
> "Uh, yeah...flying kick..." he stuttered.
MIKE[as Tails]: Woah, dude...frying kick...flying hick...flawing schtick...
> "What's wrong, Tails? Are you tired?" asked Nina.
> "No...it's just-"
SERVO[as Tails]: I'm trippin'.
> Tails was cut off by Sonic.
CROW: Sonic's a Jewish minister?
MIKE: Now, how many of you all out there got that?
> "Hiya T2!
SERVO: The title to the 3 Ninjas/Terminator crossover.
> Watcha up to?" Sonic questioned.
> "He was showing us some of his Kung-Fu, Sonic, sir." Nina said.
> "Sir? Now, Nina! Call me Sonic." he grinned.
MIKE: Everyone's always so damn happy! Did they all have lombotomies?
> "I, uh, ohhhh...." Tails suddenly fainted.
SERVO: Told you he was tripping.
> "Whoa! Tails! What's wrong?" Sonic gasped.
> "I think he's just a little tired, Sonic." grinned the little skunk.
>
CROW: A little skunk wowed Tails? This *is* a weird fanfic.
> Bunnie and Sally sat in their tent.
MIKE: You know, there's a bed and breakfast three feet away.
> "Have you talked to Rotor yet, Sally-girl?" Bunnie asked.
> "Why no, what's wrong?" Sally wondered.
MIKE: She's just as ignorant as ever.
> Bunnie then related the story to the princess.
SERVO[as Bunnie]: And some of the crystals were red, as some of 'em were yellow, and some of 'em
were green...
> "Poor Rotor." Sally sighed as she brushed away a stray tear.
> "What's the matter, sugar?"
> "Well, I remember the times with my father, and-" Sally began to cry
> on Bunnie's shoulder.
MIKE: Yuck. I hate the smell of wet fur.
> "Don't cry Sally," said Bunnie, "you'll rust my arm!" Bunnie giggled.
> Sally laughed.
> "You know what, Bunnie?
CROW[as Sally, determined]: I'm going to try AOL for 50 free minutes!
> I'm gonna go over to Rotor and tell him how
> much I'm hurting.
SERVO[as Sally]: I slammed a hammer on my thumb while building that tunneler.
> I'll tell him he's not alone. In fact," Sally slid off the bed
MIKE: Wait, I thought they were in a tent?
SERVO: It was probably one of those room-sized ones.
CROW: But she must have brought the bed with her.
MIKE: Yeah...
> and started to shuffle through her pack, "I'll make him some hot
> chocolate." she said,
SERVO[as Sally]: Darn, the mug spilled all over inside my backpack.
> showing Bunnie the packet of cocoa.
CROW: She's just gonna slip the packet through his mail slot.
> "That's good, Sally-girl. You are the sweetest friend I've got."
>
> Tails slowly began to awaken.
MIKE[as Tails]: I had a dream. And you, and you, and you were all there!
> "Wh- where am I?" he whispered.
CROW[Satanic]: You are in the deepest, darkest regions of HELL!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MIKE: Naw, that place is only reserved for David Gonterman, Oscar and Ratliff.
SERVO: I hear SONIC FAN just got on the list, too.
MIKE: Really?
> "You're back in our tent, big guy. I heard about what Nina said. Are
> you all-right?" Sonic asked.
> "Yeah...I guess so."
> "Ya know, your ol Aunt Sal used to do that to me when I was your
> age." Sonic grinned.
SERVO: What, tell him he's cute? Girls do that all the time!
> "Really?" Tails wondered.
> "Sure thing. She was just flirting."
> "Flirting? What's that?" Tails asked as he propped himself up on his
> cot.
CROW[as Sonic]: You see, Tails, there comes a time in a man's life where he needs a companion...
> "It's a kinda hint from a girl that she likes you." Sonic informed.
> "EWWW! That's disgusting." Tails said, gagging.
MIKE: I wonder what he does when someone kisses.
SERVO[as Sonic]: No, Tails, over the toilet. Nooo!
> "Yeah, I know, it's pretty harsh. You'll learn to like it someday,
> though."
> "Not me, Son. I'll NEVER like that!"
SERVO: Tails is Sonic's son? But he's five years younger!
MIKE: It's the whole Clayton/Pearl Forrester scandal again!
> "That's what I said Tails, and now I got Sal!" Sonic replied.
CROW[as Sonic]: Pretty pathetic, huh?
> "Well, I don't like Nina."
> "Have you even tried to start a conversation with her?" Sonic quipped.
> "Well...um.....no...." Tails quieted.
SERVO: He's loud when he's quiet.
> "Then how do you know you don't like her?"
> "I...I just don't! She's a girl!" Tails exclaimed.
MIKE[as Tails]: And all girls are the spawns of Satan!
> "That's a reason?" Sonic smiled. He liked what was happening. What
> was happening to Tails, had once happened to him when he was ten.
SERVO: "Happening" is said too often in that sentence "happening" is said too often.
MIKE: Brought to you by the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
CROW: Call today for your free scholarship call today.
> "I guess not."
> "Look, Tails. I'll be honest with ya. Nina's a nice girl. She
> obviously thinks you're good looking from all that training you're doing.
> I don't she one reason why she was silly to have said what she did."
CROW: One: She's a girl.
MIKE: Two: She's a girl.
SERVO: Three: She's a girl skunk.
> "Really?" Tails asked his mentor.
> "Serious."
> "Okay...," Tails said in a very low voice, "I guess I can talk to her."
MIKE[as Tails]: I'll call her tonight when she's home alone and ask her if she likes scarry
movies. That's gotta be the way to get girls.
> "That's my pal! Now come on, we need some help with the Tunneler."
SERVO: Then the thunderer and the holy bomb.
> replied Sonic. He then helped the fox up and took him outside.
>
SERVO: So when's the seminars?
[All leave]
...6...5...4...3...2...1
[SOL int.] Mike and Servo are behind the counter.
MIKE: Hey, Servo, was that me or did the doorway sequence just go backwards?
SERVO: .about talking you're what know don't I
MIKE: Huh?
CROW: [rushes in]: Servo! Mike! A warp in space and time is running everything backwards!
MIKE: ?mean you do whaT
CROW: ?seE
SERVO: !guys you ,serious really is thiS
MIKE: !helP
[Castle Forrester] Observer is still playing the organ.
PEARL: Sorry, Nelson. Brain is still trying to learn how to play, and I guess he's unconciously
warping space with his mind. You'll get over it in a minute.
[SOL]
MIKE: !longer much for out hold can't we ,Pearl buT
[CF]
PEARL: Whatever. Bobo!
BOBO[os]: Coming!
[Bobo walks onscreen eating a banana whole.]
BOBO: Hey, Lawgiver. What up?
PEARL: Bobo, you aren't supposed to eat the skin of the banana, too!
BOBO: I'm not? [takes another bite of the banana.]
PEARL: Anyway, could you do that pathetic monkey scream to activate a plot contrivance and
fix the SOL's situation so Mike and his toys can read the rest of the fanfic?
BOBO: Okay. [panicky ape sound]
OBSERVER: Aaaaaaaaaa! My brain!!!! The vibrations!
[SOL] Mike is standing next to Servo and Crow, who are humans.
MIKE: Thanks, Pearl.
SERVO: Yeah, thanks! Say, Mike, can I have some of those left over chili-peppers?
CROW: Hey! My arms work!
MIKE: [looks at the camera with the "why me"? look] We'll be right back.
-commercial sign-
[commercials for miscelaneous exersize machines]
[Mike and the 'Bots(back to normal) re-enter the theater]
> "Rotor?" Sally called into the walrus's tent.
SERVO[as Rotor]: Nope, not here.
> "Yeah?" came a reply.
> "I brought some hot chocolate. Do you want some?"
> "Okay." answered Rotor.
MIKE: Sally crawls into the tent to see Rotor and Amy Rose together!
'BOTS: NOOOOOOO!
> "I came to talk for awhile," said Sally, "about my father."
SERVO: It's always about you, isn't it?
> "Your father?" Rotor said in disbelief.
> "Yes. I came to tell you that you're not alone.
MIKE: Great, now Sally's turning into Gillian Anderson.
> I hadn't seen my
> father for over eleven years. After I went in the void, I found out that I
> can never be with him again. You are fortunate Rotor.
CROW: But Rotor's parents don't think freely anymore, so they're basicly even.
> You can find your
> parents, and when you do, you can have some chance of de-roboticizing them.
CROW: Oh.
> I, on the other hand,
SERVO[as Sally]: ...am a character that has been the target of several atempted murders by
conspiring Archie Comic authors.
> will never see my daddy again." Sally quietly sipped
> her hot chocolate as a tear slowly ran down her cheek.
MIKE[as Sally]: This is really hot; look, my eyes are watering.
> "Oh, Sally. I'm really sorry. I never realized..."
SERVO[as Rotor]: ...that your parents were gone. I thought I saw them at the latest Freedom
Fighter convention.
CROW[as Sally]: Those were the Mertzes, remember?
SERVO[as Rotor]: Oh, yeah.
> "Rotor, I'm not saying that your mourning in vain, but what I am
> saying is,
MIKE[as Sally]: You're not mourning in vain.
> appreciate the family you have. We're always here, Rotor. Always."
CROW: Coca-Cola.
> and with that, Sally left the tent.
SERVO[as Sally]: Well, this conversation's going nowhere. I'll go talk down Tails.
>
> "Clear out everyone!" shouted Bunnie as Dulcy began her landing lessons.
MIKE: Ah, it's the "Landings and You" seminar.
> Dulcy suddenly took to air.
> "This is great! I can actually feel a perfect landing coming up."
> Dulcy smiled.
CROW: She says that every time.
> Bunnie had her fingers crossed. "Good luck, sugar-dragon!"
MIKE: Bunnie's so sweet. Get it? Huh?
SERVO: Funny, Mike.
> Dulcy circled over the meadow a few times before she went in to land.
> When she did, it wasn't very pretty. She ended up falling on her stomach and
CROW: Dying.
> scraping her chin on the ground. Bunnie ran over to her.
> "Are you all right, Dulcy?" she panted.
> "OOOOOoooooh....thanks ma.......I'm fine........" she warbled.
MIKE: Well, it's obvious where the brains went in *her* family.
> "Wanna try it again?" Bunnie asked.
> Dulcy cleared her head by shaking it side-to-side. "No...I think I'll
> work on it later. It's starting to hurt!"
SERVO[as Dulcy]: After an experiment I conducted 1,000 times, I have concluded that lit sticks
of dynamite hurt.
>
> Nina sat by the lake with her friends. Tails came up to her and sat
> next to her.
> "Hi." he said.
> Nina's friends got up and left,
SERVO: They're so supourtive.
> sensing that they wanted to talk privately.
> "Hi Tails. I'm sorry." Nina said.
> "For what?" Tails wondered.
CROW[as Nina]: I just wasn't at my peak last night.
> "Well," the little skunk slumped, "I made you faint, and I probably
> embarrassed you in front of everyone!"
MIKE: We know fainting is embarasing beacuse whatever Antoine does is really stupid.
> "I wasn't embarrassed, just shocked." Tails told her.
> "I'm glad, because I meant what I said." blushed Nina.
CROW: Thump!
MIKE[as Nina]: I was kidding! Get up! You're embarassing me!
> Tails became nervous. "Um, Nina, that's what I wanted to talk about."
> "Yes?"
> "Well, I think you're very nice and everything, but..." Tails
> suddenly began to stammer.
SERVO[as Tails]: Well...that is to say...um...I think that, you know...we should just...uh,
aren't made for each other, and...
> "It's okay Tails, I know what you want to say." smiled Nina.
MIKE[as Nina]: I know you're not good enough for me. Bye, I have a date with David Kintobor
in an hour.
> "You do?"
> "Yup. Don't worry, I understand. That's what all guys are like."
CROW[as Nina]: They only want to get some.
> Nina
> then proceeded to kiss Tails on the cheek. "Now, I was wondering, can you
> teach me to fly with my tail?"
SERVO: Is that a pickup line?
> Tails just fainted.
>
MIKE: He needs to see more girls.
> "C'mon Sal, I'm bored!" cried Sonic.
CROW[as Sonic]: Day care is stupid! I wanna go to work with you!
> "We're not going back to Robotropolis. Or what's left of it."
> "But Sal, I wanna go check to see if there are any others who are
> still roboticized."
SERVO[as Sonic]: And I wanna get this train wreck of a story some interesting plot twists!
> "No. Sonic, we destroyed everything. Nothing is left there!" Sally
> exclaimed.
CROW: Geez, they really pay attention to what they're doing, huh?
> "Aw, Sal, it's just that I am so bored without ol Melonhead chasin
> my tail!" said Sonic.
> "Sonic, we've got a seminar going here.
MIKE: If only it would start!
> We can't just leave! I said
> no and that's final! Royal order!" Sally shouted at the hedgehog.
SERVO[as Sally]: Two cheesburgers with a coke, super-sized! And make it snappy!
MIKE and CROW[singing softly]: Have it your way, have it your way...
> Sonic sighed and left the tent.
>
> "How many Swat-bots do we have totaled?" demanded Snively.
SERVO: You mean counted up or wrecked?
> "Approximately 500, sir." droned the Tech-bot.
MIKE: Ah, the newest in the deadly BOT arsenal.
> "How many Worker-bots?"
> "Eleven hundred sir."
> "Do you have any idea as onto how long it will take to build up the
> army that we once originally had?" Snively wondered.
CROW[as Tech-bot]: Three minutes, sir.
SERVO[as Snively]: Damn! Too long! We need more time!
> "Completion will probably take place this fall, sir." the bot reported.
MIKE[as 'Bot]: Just before the season primere of Friends.
> "Try to increase production. We must have as much as a chance as we
> did before."
CROW: I thought they needed numbers, not Monopoly chance cards.
> "Yes sir."
>
> Uncle Chuck had already tried out the tunneler finding that it didn't
MIKE: ...tunnel, but made a great barbecue grill.
> work. What the problem was, was that
SERVO: It misplaced commas.
> there were too many existing tunnels
> from the Doomsday pods.
CROW: And that affected it how?
> The only choice was to follow up throughout those
> already existing tunnels, and to try to find connections between villages.
MIKE: Then why didn't they just do that in the first place?
> Uncle Chuck went down into the ground with Tabitha and a couple other
SERVO: Non-descprit Mobians who're gonna be offed in a few minutes.
> Roboticized individuals, who were prized for their unique night vision.
> They proceeded down the tunnels for an hour before stopping.
CROW[as 'Bots]: We forgot our night vison gear!
> Uncle Chuck insisted that the band stop
MIKE: Because their music was loud enough to cause a cave-in.
> because her was almost sure he heard
CROW: Hey! She forgot the "r" at the end of the second "her"!
> something. He called for Tabitha to come and confirm his suspicions, since
SERVO: She was expendable.
> she had extremely sensitive hearing.
> "I think I do hear something, Sir Charles. It's very muffled though."
SERVO[muffled]: I'm not dead! Let me out! [pounding]
> "Good girl, Tabby.
MIKE: You puss.
CROW: MIKE!
> Now do you think you could make it out if we got
> closer?" wondered Uncle Chuck.
> "I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's nothing though."
SERVO[as Tabitha]: It's just the faint little cry of a trapped Mobian. Don't worry.
> "You're probably right. We're probably very near to the hot springs."
> sighed Uncle Chuck.
MIKE[as Chuck]: 'Cuz I'm wondering why my arms are melting.
> "Let's go to the left, Sir Charles." said a raccoon.
> "Lead on, Alvin."
CROW: That's funny, 'cuz they were called a band a minute ago, and Alvin's one of the chipmunks.
MIKE: Thank you, Crow.
>
> Little did the Freedom Fighters know, the sound that Uncle Chuck had
> heard was the working of bots, trying to build up a wall from the main
> tunnel
> at Robotropolis, therefore making it impossible for anyone to crawl through
> and sabotage.
SERVO: Not another attack on Robotnik's secondary power factory!
>
> Later that day, Uncle Chuck's squad made it to the surface. They had
> found that they had emerged in the meadow near Knothole.
> "We did it!" smiled Uncle Chuck.
MIKE: Big acomplishment. Walk through a tunnel. Big whoop.
> They then started making their way back through the tunnels placing
> more markers and light systems to show where they had been.
CROW: Why didn't they just do that instead of using their night vision?
> The group made it back to the seminar by nightfall.
>
> "Well, did you guys make it?" Sally asked anxiously.
> "Yep! We marked the tunnels and lighted them too." replied Tabitha.
> "Alright! Good job you guys!"
MIKE[as Sally]: You all recieve your "Tunnel Marking and Lighting" badge!
> "Now what, Sally?" asked Uncle Chuck.
> "Well, we start sending supplies and build up our forces.
CROW: Even though they already did in the episode "Cry of the Wolf".
> I'm sure
> Dulcy will be glad to hear this. Now we don't need her to fly the supplies
> in!" said Sally.
> "Well, I guess we'd better get to bed. We have to pack up and go home
> tomorrow."
SERVO: I guess the seminars were cancelled.
> "See ya tomorrow." said Tabitha.
> "G'night."
>
> Back at Knothole, Sonic was helping Sally unpack.
> "Sal?"
> "What?" asked Sally.
CROW[as Sonic]: You've got a piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth.
> "What...what if Robotnik isn't gone?...What if he...
MIKE[as Sonic]: Created an artificial clone that was the one that got killed and the real him
is in hiding in the most overused plot contrivance ever?
> he made an identical robot of himself to fool us..." Sonic stammered.
SERVO: Sonic is Woody Allen.
> "Sonic! That's absurd!" Sally exclaimed.
CROW[as Sally]: You should know it happens only 4 out of 5 times a major enemy is killed!
> "Yeah, I guess...but you never know..." replied Sonic.
> "We destroyed him!" Sally informed him.
> "Oh yeah? Then why wasn't Snively with him?" Sonic shot
MIKE: Sally.
'BOTS: Yaaaaay!
> .
> "He must have been in the Death Egg when we destroyed it.
CROW: But there was no Death Egg in ths continuity!
MIKE: I think the whole universe is imploding and filling up with the comic, syndicated and
video game universes!
> Either
> that, or he was in the ship, we just didn't see him. Either way, he's gone,
> and so is ChromeDome himself!"
> "Maybe you're right." Sonic caved in.
SERVO: I *knew* there wasn't anything inside his skull!
> Just then, Tails walked in, holding Nina's hand.
ALL: Ooooooh!!!
> "Well hello Tails, hi Nina." Sally said in a pleasant voice.
> "Hi Aunt Sally! Hi Sonic!" said Tails with a smile.
> "Hi Princess Sally, hello Sonic." piped in Nina.
MIKE: Yes, the breathtaking "Hello" scene!
> "Hey Tails, what's up?" asked the blue hedgehog.
CROW[as Tails]: Sonic, what does "first base" mean?
> "Um, well, I just wanted to ask if I can take Nina with me to our
> Secret Place." Tails asked.
SERVO[as Tails]: Nina and I are going to the big place.
> "Our Secret Place?! That's only for the two of us!" exclaimed Sonic.
> "I didn't mean ours Sonic," Tails smiled, "I meant ours." he said,
> motioning to Nina.
> Sonic and Sally exchanged surprised glances.
MIKE: Why would he ask permission to go to his own personal spot?
> Sally broke out of her confusion to ask, "Is it in the Great Forest?"
> "Yes, Aunt Sally. It is."
> "Okay. You can go." Sally smiled.
> "C'mon Nina!" barked Tails.
SERVO: Next he'll start eating Pedigree Dog Food.
> "Okay! Bye Sonic! Goodbye Princess Sally!" said Nina, as Tails
> grabbed her hand and led her out of the room.
CROW[as Tails]: C'mon! Let's go play with my box of Mobians!
> As soon as they were out of hearing distance, Sonic spoke up.
> "Looks like Tails is hooked too!"
MIKE: LSD! Sega of America will be ticked!
> "Too?" said Sally suspiciously.
> "Yeah!" Sonic smiled.
> "Well, Sonic Hedgehog," said Sally, "I think we better go unpack
> Tails things while he's gone."
SERVO: I did *not* want to hear that!
> "You're right. Let's go." Sonic replied.
> As they walked out, Sonic put his arm around Sally.
>
> "How were your seminars, Rotor?" asked Bunnie.
CROW[as Rotor]: Well, AA went okay, but then they all called me a self-centered bastard.
> "Good! I learned some new things on androids. I'll need 'em since
> that mess up on Ro-Becca." he smiled.
MIKE[as Rotor]: Let's make references to the stupidest episodes of the SatAM series.
> "Are you feeling any better, sugar?" Bunnie asked with sincerity
> "Yeah. Sally really woke me up."
SERVO[as Rotor]: Cuz I fell asleep halfway through the "Self-Help" seminar...
> "Well, I'm glad you're all right." Bunnie paused, "Wanna come over to
> my place for some tea?"
> "Well...sure...I guess."
> "Oh good! I've been wantin' to try out Antoine's cookbook. It's got a
> whole section devoted to teas! C'mon, sugar."
MIKE: Antoine made a cookbook? He really *is* in touch with his feminine side!
CROW: Yeah. He went to a seminar on it!
> Rotor got up and followed Bunnie to her hut, where she then put on a
> kettle of water.
SERVO[as Bunnie]: This is my Holloween costume. Cool, huh?
> When the tea was ready, Bunnie and Rotor sat down and had a long
> serious chat about their childhoods, and how badly they missed their
> families. It was late when they finally finished.
> "Thanks for the talk, Rotor. I've been wanting to get the same things
> off of my lil' ol' mind." Bunnie said.
CROW[as Rotor]: Gee, Bunnie, you can pin me down anytime.
MIKE: Bad placement, Crow.
CROW: But I was aching to get it out!
> "Anytime...well, goodnight, Bunnie." said Rotor
> "Goodnight, sugar."
>
ALL[as they leave]: Hey-ah, hey-ah, hey-ah, brown sugar! How come you taste so good?
>
> THE END! ;)
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Mike, Servo and Gypsy are standing before a podium on the counter, where Crow is
reading a statement.
CROW: And, as you are all aware, this seminar will determine if you have the necessary skills
needed to watch bad fanficions and e-mail spams, lemons, and self-insertions...blah, blah, blah...
[Mike pases a note to Servo]
MIKE[whispering]: Servo, pass this on to Gypsy will you?
SERVO[whispering]: I can't. My arms don't work.
GYPSY[whispering]: And I can't read right now.
CROW: Mr. Nelson, are you paying attention?
MIKE: Um, yes?
CROW: Then can you tell me what I just said?
MIKE: "Mr. Nelson, are you paying attention?"
CROW: No, before that!
MIKE: Um...well, you were saying how much Pauly Shore relates to the Clinton Scandal and that
Jim Carrey should not be impeached.
CROW: That's right. Anyway, blah, blah, blah...
MIKE[whispering]: Yes! Score! [attemps to hi-five Servo]
SERVO[whispering]: My arms, remember?
MIKE[whispering]: Right.
-Mads' sign-
[Castle Forrester] Observer is beating the organ in with a sledgehammer. Bobo comes in center
eating a pan of Pizza Rolls.
BOBO[between chews]: Oh, hi Mike. Brainy over there isn't taking his organ lessons lying down,
let me tell you. Anyway, Lawgiver went out for some tampons and left me in charge of ending the
experiment, but I forgot how, so you'll have to keep watching the fanfic until she gets back.
Goodbye!
[SOL] -movie sign-
MAGIC VOICE: Incoming fanfic: Enterprized II.
ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[all scamper to the right]
[6...5...4...3...2... door 1 opens to reveal the closing credits]
[love theme]
written by: Jim Whaley
"The Seminar" written by: Holly-B Kraft
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Observer: Bill Corbett
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
with:
human Crow: Bill Corbett
human Servo: Kevin Murphy
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement
on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be
inferred.
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing.
"The Seminar" author Holly-B Kraft could not be contacted for permission purposes.
MST3K created by: Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
Best Brains, Inc.
Holly-B Kraft
All you people who love to laugh
e-mail tjats@aol.com for comments, etc.
c1998 by Jim Whaley
[stinger]
> "Well, Sonic Hedgehog," said Sally, "I think we better go unpack
> Tails things while he's gone."
This has been a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
-----------------
other episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
101: The Cartoons Combined
102: Off-Road Brawl
103: The Odyssey
104: The New Season
201: Total Turbulence
202: The Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatch
203: Are You Ready to Get $40,000 in 6 Weeks with Only 8 Bucks???!!
204: Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle!
205: The Seminar
All can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine,
located at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k !