Calamity Kimmie
Story by David Villaire
Transcribed by MoKat

Opening scene: Deep space.  We see a yellow spaceship fly into the shot.  Camera switches to an interior shot, revealing Kimberly as the ship's pilot.
KIMBERLY: This XK 4 starprobe tests out beautifully, Marshal Vaughn.
[An alert sounds as a light flickers on the control panel.  The starprobe takes a hit.]
KIMBERLY: Uh oh.  
[Camera goes to an outside shot, where we see that the starprobe is caught in a beam.]
KIMBERLY: I spoke too soon.  Something's gone wro-o-ong!
[Camera switches to Space Marshal Vaughn (SMV), who is watching the starprobe on a big screen.]
SMV: Officer Kimberly, what is it? *presses a button*
[Scene shift: a hangar, somewhere at Space Command.  Camera zooms in on the Star Pac.]
SMV (off-screen): Space Ace, fire up the Star Pac!
[Ace, who was working on the Star Pac, gets up and goes to the communicator in the Star Pac's cockpit.]
ACE: What's up, Sir?
[Ace transforms into his younger self.  Fortunately, this causes him to fall out of sight if the communicator's camera.]
SMV (via communicator): Space Ace?
DEXTER (with lowered tone of voice): Yes, Sir.  What's my mission, Sir?
SMV: Seek out Officer Kimberly.  We just lost contact and she's disappeared.
DEXTER (with lowered tone of voice): Don't you worry.  I'll find Kimmie.
{Vaughn is -so- easy to fool...}

[Scene change: the starprobe is being pulled toward a reddish planet.]
KIMBERLY (off-screen): Space Marshal Vaughn, come in.  I'm gonna crash! 
[The XK 4, still caught in the beam, crash-lands on the planet's surface.  Camera pans right to reveal Borf and La Grin at the controls of the machine that is creating the beam.]
BORF: Excellent.  The tractor beam has pulled her down, La Grin.  Now to collect my gunea pig.  *presses a button*
[A door opens; Shag and a pair of groots sail through it and land in front of Borf.]
BORF:  Shag!  Groots!  Bring her to me!  *points*
[Shag and the groots exit left.]
BORF: Excellent.  Space Ace is sure to follow.  *turns to his left (our right)*
BORF: Then my new and improved Infanto Ray will do the rest.

[Scene shift: back at the downed XK 4.  Kimberly opens the canopy, only to discover that groots are climbing up her ship.]
KIMBERLY: Groots!  Oh no you don't!  
[The groots pounce, but Kim dodges them by ducking under the seat.  The groots collide head first, thus knocking each other out.  Kim leaps out of the spaceprobe and cautiously searches the area.]
KIMBERLY: Borf's dead planet...
[Shag pops up (from a fissure), roars, then grabs Kim.]
KIMBERLY (screaming): Oh!
KIMBERLY: Stop!  Let me go.

[Scene shift: back to Borf's base, presumably some time later.  Shag is holding Kimberly like a ragdoll.]
KIMBERLY: Borf!  The Infanto Ray!
[Camera pans right to reveal both.]
BORF: *laughs* 
[Camera goes to a close-up of Kimberly, whose eyes go wide.]
KIMBERLY: NO!
[Camera goes back to Borf.]
BORF: Yes!  *fires the ray*
BORF: Now to test my perfected ray.
[The blue beam hits Kimberly...and nothing happens.]
BORF (off-screen): It failed, La Grin!
[Borf enters the shot and examines Kim.]
BORF: She didn't turn into a baby.  *grabs Kims*
KIMBERLY: Your ray will -never- work on us, Borf!
BORF: Throw her in the cages with the rest of them!
[Borf tosses Kim back to Shag, who catches her and leaves.]
KIMBERLY: Put me down!
BORF: We'll forget the Infanto Ray for now, La Grin.
[Camera shows a machine with a large, bubble-like chamber.  Borf rubs his hands on it.]
BORF: Earthlings' minds are easy to control.  My Hypno-Chamber will work on them.
BORF: *turns* La Grin, activate the tractor beam again.  Space Ace should be nearing the Dead Planet by now.

[Scene change: the Star Pac is sailing through deep space.]
DEXTER: Don't worry, Kimmie!  I'll rescue you!
[The tractor beam hits the Star Pac.]
DEXTER: Hey!  What's happening?
[The Star Pac is pulled to the planet's surface.]
DEXTER: Whoa-oa-oa!
[The Star Pac lands next to the XK 4.  Dexter opens the Star Pac's canopy.  Camera pans up to show that the groots have recovered and are preparing to pounce on Dexter.  They pounce, knocking Dexter off the Star Pac.]
DEXTER: *yells*
[Dexter transforms back to normal.  Ace rises, holding a groot in each hand.]
ACE: Easy, groots!  
[Ace kicks a large rock aside and dumps the groots into the hole that was exposed.]
ACE: Now to find Kim.

[Scene change: an area with lots of cages.  We see that some of the cages are occupied by aliens as Shag walks by (still carrying Kim).]
KIMBERLY: No!  Put me down!
[Shag opens a cage door, then tosses Kimberly inside.  Shag quickly closes the cage door before Kim can even get up.]
{Well, she -did- ask him to put her down ^.^}
KIMBERLY: Creep!
[Shag lumbers away.]
CHILD-LIKE VOICE: *indistinct gibber* (sounds like the word "bottle" is in there somewhere...)
GIRLY VOICE: At least Borf not make -you- baby.  
[Camera pans right to show a little, pink alien gesturing with both arms spread out.]
PINK GIRL: Like all us here.
KIMBERLY: Borf's Infanto ray; it worked on -you-.
LIGHT-BLUE BOY: We all grown up before Borf.
KIMBERLY: *puts her hands on her hips* We must -all- get out of here!
[The air around Kimberly sparkles; she shrinks as she becomes younger.]
{NOTE: I'll refer to Kimberly in her younger form as "KIMMIE" from this point on.}
KIMMIE: Hey!  What's goin' on here?
PINK GIRL: *points at Kimmie* Infanto Ray?
KIMMIE: Yes.  This must be a delayed action.
KIMMIE: *examines herself*  What am I gonna do?

[Scene change: three groots are guarding a cave entrance.  Camera pans up to show Ace at the top of the cliff.]
ACE (aside): Kim must be inside.  Got to get by them...
[Ace leaps, then uses a branch like a springboard to bounce into the cave without being noticed.  Ace walks past some cages.]
ACE (almost whispering): Kim?  Kimberly.  Are you in here?
KIMMIE: Space Ace!
[Ace stops in front of Kim's cage.]
ACE: Little girl, have you seen a Space Command Officer named Kimberly?
KIMMIE: -I'm- Kimmie, Space Ace.
[Ace looks skeptical.]
ACE: Sure you are, little girl.  *pats her on the head, then moves away*
{Kimmie doesn't look like a happy camper after being patronized like that ^.- }
KIMMIE: Just to prove it, I'll call you "Dexter"!
[Ace stops in his tracks, then returns to the cage.]
ACE: Kim!  What happened?
BORF (in the distance): Check the cage, Shag!  Space Ace escaped the groots!
ACE: Better keep a low profile while I figure out what Borf's up to.
[Ace climbs up and out of sight.  Kimmie ducks behind some of the babyfied prisoners.]
BORF (approaching the cage): Where's Officer Kimberly?
[Ace transforms into his younger self and falls from his perch.]
{Obviously, this was the worst possible time for a transformation. o.O; }
DEXTER: Whoa!
[Dexter lands on the ground and groans, as if hurt badly.  As Borf approaches, only Dexter's boots are visible from behind a rock.]
BORF: There, Shag!  It's Space Ace.  
[Shag grabs Dexter.]
DEXTER: Go easy will ya, fuzz-face!
BORF: Throw the little space fool in the Hypno-Chamber! *points*
BORF: Groots!
[Three groots run into the shot.]
BORF: Re-capture Kimberly!  She can't be far!
[They leave.  Kimberly peeks.]
KIMMIE: Borf's gonna do something terrible to poor Dexy!
[Kimmie climbs up the side of the cage, then goes over the top and jumps down.  She lands gracefully outside of the cage.
PINK GIRL: Us want out too.
KIMMIE: Don't worry.  I'll be back, one way or the other.

[Scene change: at the Hypno-Chamber.  Kimberly is peeking from behind a rock (stalagmite?).]
BORF: One flick of this switch, and your simple mind will be under my control.  *flicks the switch*
DEXTER: Barfy!  Stop!  Help!
DEXTER (as he slides down the side of the chamber): Kimmie!!
BORF: You've called me "Barfy" for the last time, Dexter.  You are now under my power.
KIMMIE (aside): Oh, no!  Borf's hypnotized Dexy!
[Dexter steps out of the chamber; his eyes look weird.]
BORF: Now, find Officer Kimberly.  Bring her to me.
[Dexter walks past the rock; Kimmie quietly calls out to him.]
KIMMIE: Dexy!  
[Dexter approaches, zombie-like and grabs her.]
DEXTER (monotone voice): Find Officer Kimberly.
KIMMIE: Dexter, stop it!  No!
[END OF ACT 1]

[BEGIN ACT 2]
[Camera shows an outside shot of the mountain, zooms in, then switches to an inside shot.]
{I assume this was done to re-establish the location...or to give kids time to return to the TV ;)}
DEXTER: Find Officer Kimberly.  Bring her to Borf.
KIMMIE: No, Dexy!  Wake up!
[Borf turns; Dexter enters the shot, holding Kimmie.]
DEXTER: Find Officer Kimberly.  
BORF: Dexter, this is not Officer Kimberly.  *grabs her with one hand and points to her with the other*
[Dexter transforms.]
ACE: And I'm not Dexter!  So long, Borfy-boy!  *grabs Kimmie and runs away*
BORF: Shag!  Stop him!  Stop!
[Shag raises it's arms and roars.  Ace ducks between its legs and leaves.  Shag looks between it's legs, as if puzzled.]
BORF: They've escaped!
BORF: But only temporarily.
BORF (looking at a monitor): Perfect!  They're going into the caves.  *presses a button*
KIMMIE (heard via monitor): We've got to free all those babies, Space Ace.
[We see a set of bars lift; a pair of three-eyed plant monsters come out.  Camera switches to Ace (who is still carrying Kimmie).]
ACE: Check.  
ACE: *stops running* What's that?
ACE: Ahh.  Another one of Borf's slimey tricks.
ACE: *dodges an attack*  Well they won't stop us!
[Ace dodges more attacks.]
KIMMIE: Look out! 
ACE: Bug off, boys!
[One of the creatures snags Kimmie's dress.]
KIMMIE: Help!
ACE: No ya don't!  *tugs Kimmie*
KIMMIE: Space Ace!  *points toward the other creature*
[Ace finally frees Kimmie.]
ACE: Now to get out of here!  
[One creatures ends up with its head in the other creature's mouth :D  Camera switches to Ace, who reaches a wall witha hole in it.]
KIMMIE: The tunnel ends here, Space Ace!
ACE: Maybe.  Maybe not.  *looks through the hole in the wall*
KIMMIE: Space Ace, look!
[Camera pans downward until we see the area with the cages.]
ACE: The cages.  And groots.
KIMMIE (from the other side of the wall): They're asleep.
ACE: Good.  Let's move.  *enters the hole in the wall*
ACE: *gets his shoulders stuck* A bit tight.
KIMMIE: I'll help you, Space Ace.  *grabs his legs and pulls*
[Ace transforms into his younger self.  Both fall off the ledge.]
DEXTER: Hel-el-elp!
KIMMIE: Dexter! 
[They land on top of the groots, waking them up.]
DEXTER: Oof!
DEXTER: Find Officer Kimberly.  *grabs Kimmie*
KIMMIE: No, Dexter.  Snap out of it.
[Camera switches to Borf, who had just entered the area.]
BORF: Groots!  Sieze them!
DEXTER: O-Officer Kimberly. *holds Kimmie toward Borf*
BORF: I said *points* this is -not- Kimberly.
DEXTER: This -is- Kimberly, Borfy.
BORF: How can this shrimp be Kimberly?  My Infanto Ray didn't work on her.
KIMMIE: Uh, oh...
[Kimberly changes back to normal.  Dexter stumbles, as he is no longer able to hold her.]
KIMBERLY: Oh, I guess it didn't(?) work for long.  
BORF: It -is- Officer Kimberly.  The Infanto Ray -did- work.  Sort of.
[Kimberly grabs Dexter and runs away.]
BORF: Grab her!
KIMBERLY: No, Dexter.  Cut it out!
BORF: Dexter!  Bring her to me!
[Dexter transforms, knocking Kimberly down.]
KIMBERLY: Space Ace, get off my back!
ACE: Be happy to, Kimberly.  *gets up*
[They dash to the cages and Ace draws his pistol.]
ACE: Have this cage open in a sec.  *blasts the cage door*
KIMBERLY: Come on.  Let's free the rest.
[Ace blasts more cages open and the prisoners escape.]
BORF: Back in your cages, you sniveling brats!
[The babyfied aliens glare at the big blue butthead.]
RANDOM BABY: Get Borf!  Him bad!
BORF: No!  Stop!
[The babies back Borf inside one of the cages.  They pounce on him, then rush out of the cage.  Shag and the groots just stand there and watch.]

[Scene shift: Ace and Kim are running through the caves.]
KIMBERLY: Come on!  The babies ran this way! 
[Ace transforms into his younger self.]
DEXTER: *grabs Kim*  Bring Kimberly to Borf.
[Kimberly puts Dexter in a headlock.]
KIMBERLY: No you don't, Dexter.  I'm gonna fix you.

[Scene change: at the Hypno-Chamber.  Kim tosses Dexter inside.]
KIMBERLY: Now back to normal, Dexter!  *presses a button*
[The chamber activates. When the glow fades, Dexter smiles.]
DEXTER: Hey, what's going on? *steps out of the chamber*
DEXTER: I-It feels like I was in a dream.
KIMBERLY: Dexter, come on.
DEXTER: Hey!  Oh, no!  Look; Borf's getting away!
DEXTER: Let's get outta here!
KIMBERLY: First, let's get rid of Borf's tractor beam. 
[Kim borrows Dexter's pistol and fires it at the control panel, which goes "boom". 
KIMBERLY: Now, let's get everybody off the Dead Planet while we can.
DEXTER: Right.
DEXTER (to the babies): Follow me, kids.
[They follow him outside.  Borf arrives late to the party and activates an alarm.]
BORF: Stop, Dexter!  I command you to stop!  
[The Star Pac blasts off and Borf eats its dust. ]
BORF: La Grin, this is all your fault.  Some babysitter -you- are.
{And La Grin looks like he's visiting WTFland...} 

[Scene change: the Star Pac is flying through space.]
PINK GIRL (to Kim): Maybe on Earth we find way to make us grow.
KIMBERLY: I'm sure we will.  In the meantime, Dexter has a lot of little friends to keep him company.
[The babies are all over Dexter, giggling; Dexter doesn't seem to mind.]  
[Camera fades to black.]

***End of Transcript***