1... 2... 3... You're Out!

An AAA Interlude
by NotReallyHere

     The robo-ref hovered quietly over the grave of Lynxara. It did not have a great deal of
intellect, but nothing could have missed the general aura of misery that had hung over the AAA
since Lynxara's death. Especially not a robot built by Joel Robinson himself. Joel's robots never
failed to have highly developed emotions.
     The robo-ref was a unique creation of his. The robo-ref was the first robot Joel had ever been
hired specifically to build, with distinct parameters set out for it. It had to have enough mobility to
get in the ring, around the ring, and out of the way of the Avatars. Therefore, Joel had equipped it
with a Hoverskirt Mark II, which allowed it a maximum lift of twelve feet, relatively fast
acceleration, and unmatched cornering ability.
     The robo-ref also had to be able to count wrestlers out, so it had to have arms. It also had a
distinct lack of heavy armaments, which meant that, if the wrestlers chose to ignore it, there wasn't
much it could do.
     In an ironic twist, the most unique feature of this design was that it absolutely had to be
duplicable. It had been a near-certainty that multiple refs would be needed, and one had already
been destroyed.
     Finally, the robot had to be able to keep a close eye on the action, which gave Joel the
perfect opportunity to borrow a bit from Cambot's design. Of course, without a limited awareness,
it would be unable to distinguish between legal maneuvers and illegal moves, which was what led
it to Lynxara's grave. Dark Sonic's move on her was not merely illegal; it was criminal. The robo-ref
couldn't do anything about that (much like the rest of the tournament), but it tried, in its small way,
to overcome the evil deed.
     The robo-ref looked around. All the gifts of the Avatars were plainly visible. A nearby cliff
face had been carved into a breathtaking sculpture of the fallen Power, and all around the grave,
tropical flowers, left on it, had moved off and inexplicably taken root. Despite the weather, cooler
by far than those plants were used to, the flowers thrived. The air was charged with sadness, anger,
and determination. Mighty vows had been sworn here, and their power almost throbbed in the air.
     The robo-ref turned again, this time so that it could look at her headstone, carved in her
likeness. As it looked, the headstone seemed to glow with a soft, internal light. The robo-ref heard
a voice.
     {Hello, Robby,} it said. Only three people knew the name Joel had given it. Only Joel,
Shinji, and the late, lamented Lynxara. Joel and Shinji weren't there.
     "OPERATOR PRIME?" asked the robo-ref, in its usual metallic tone, trying to reconcile the
indisputable facts that 1. Lynxara (Operator Prime, who put the rules of the AAA into it) was dead,
and 2. Lynxara was speaking to it.
     {Robby, I want you to do something for me. Will you do it, Robby?}
     The robo-ref's situation immediately became crystal-clear. Operator Prime had a request.
Trifling details such as the status of the operator were irrelevant. "INPUT COMMAND," it said,
awaiting instructions.
     {Robby, Jolt got kidnaped by Oni and is being held in Dark Sonic's palace. Can you try to
get him out of there?}
     If it could, the robo-ref would have paled. Dark Sonic had violated many rules at the AAA,
and the robo-ref had been utterly unable to stop him. To attempt to invade his very fortress would
be complete suicide. Still, this was Operator Prime. "COMPLIANCE."
     {Thank you, Robby. You'll need some help to do it, though. I can't get through to anyone
else, but I can still use some of my old powers. Hold still.}
     A glorious light shot out from a spot inches above the tombstone. It played over the robo-ref,
which rippled and quivered in the air. Robby felt its logic board writhe and expand under the
influence of the Power That Was (and would Be again, promised Robby, as so many others had
before). Robby's arms bulked out, gaining strength and integrated weapons systems. Its Hoverskirt
Mark II subtly shifted, turning from a simple air-jet system into a powerful anti-gravity device. The
light continued to play over him, remaking him into a far more powerful form. Robby became aware
in a way he never had been before. Robby was not an 'it' anymore. Robby became a 'he' in the same
way that his illustrious fore-bots, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, were.
     Eventually, the light faded and went out. The silent voice spoke once more.
{Good luck, Robby.}
     The headstone was once more a cold marker of the saddest place in the dimension. However,
where once it had held cool, sharp lines in the statue, now the hard edges were dulled somewhat,
as though the pristine marble had melted slightly under the power that it had radiated. Robby
hovered lower to add the gift he now had; a fitting eulogy.
     "When that this body did contain a spirit, a dimension for it was too small a bound; but now
two paces of the vilest earth is room enough:- this earth that bears thee dead bears none alive so
noble." With that paraphrase of Shakespeare, the robo-ref, no longer a simple rules-bot, flew off to
the Interdimensional Transport Station. There, it set coordinates for Dark Mobius and flew onto the
pad.
     Robby materialized in a flash of light within the very walls of Dark Sonic's palace. Many
cameras instantly focused on him, as did even more weapons. However, a critical flaw in Dark
Sonic's design evinced itself. Because the SWATbots were all under Dark Sonic's control and he had
deroboticized all the citizenry, he never thought that his palace would come under attack by
mechanicals. For that single oversight, Robby's life was spared. The cameras turned away and didn't
bother reporting the incident. The weapons powered down to wait for the next activation command.
     Robby went into the main lobby without being challenged. Everyone assumed that he was
permitted to be there, since the alarms would have gone off otherwise, but this was not entirely their
fault. Dark Sonic had killed the first few secretaries who bothered legitimate visitors, so those
remaining were unlikely to do anything of the sort. A few days later, they were all executed for, as
Dark Sonic put it in the execution order, "Rank Stupidity and Laxness."
     Robby went directly to the dungeons. Using the Penetrate-O-Vision which Lynxara had given
him, he scanned through the walls for Jolt's biosignature. He was quite surprised to find his sight
blocked by all the alarm wiring in the wall. It became patently clear that the second that door
opened, Dark Sonic's entire army would be down on him. Robby paused to consider his options. His
options were to bring Dark Sonic's army down on him or to go away and hope for someone else to
come along with a better option. Robby went with choice number one. He blasted the door off of
its hinges with one shot from his newly-upgraded arms and flew inside as quickly as he could.
Alarms, surprise surprise, were going off all over the place. Robby scanned again for Jolt. Much like
NRH, Robby was shocked and dismayed to see many of Sonic's pitiful victims; unlike NRH, Robby
saw that not all of the victims were female or even alive. He grimly locked onto Jolt's position and
headed onwards.
     Jolt's door had been reinforced after NRH escaped with him. It had not, however, been
reinforced enough to ward off the strength of a Power-enhanced robot. Robby tore it off of its hinges
and headed in. Jolt was lying on a metal table. He also had very large shackles holding him down
and severe injuries plainly visible. Robby switched to 'precision fire' mode and blasted off the locks,
then threw off the shackles. A blast came from the hallway and bounced off of Robby's anterior
shields, yet another gift from the Beyond. Robby quickly put the unconscious Jolt into an internal
compartment that conveniently ret-conned into existence, then turned around.
     A small security team was blocking the door, obviously waiting for the heavy reinforcements
to arrive. Robby elected to not wait for them and began blasting upwards with his main armaments.
The ceiling caved in, bringing with it several promising young accountants who had the misfortune
to be working on the floor above. Robby consoled himself with the fact that at least the security
team had been crushed, too.
     When Robby reached the ground level, a red light began to form in front of him. Robby
knew what that meant. Sonic was coming. Before he could finish the thought, Sonic was there,
looking very angry.
     Dark Sonic opened his mouth to say something predictably evil, but Robby beat him to it.
Actually, Robby simply beat him. Once, hard, on the side of the head. It was a tremendously brave
move, but one which many people would have told him was an incredibly stupid move.
     On this occasion, tremendously brave won out. Sonic was actually staggered back, as he had
assumed he would be able to easily deal with a simple punch. He had underestimated the revamped
Robby, who pumped a great deal of power into that blow. Sonic frowned and began to form a spell
to obliterate this insolent machine (which was almost unrecognizable, due to the alterations). When
he cast it, the rest of his accounting department crunched their last number. Robby had been yanked
out.
     Robby was looking at a white wall very closely. He was rather surprised at that. He had
imagined that robot heaven would be a bit larger and would not have what seemed to be bloodstains
on the wall. A moment later, his logic board caught up to him and he turned around. He was in Dr.
Tofu's medical bay.
     Dr. Tofu didn't seem to be in at the moment, so Robby carefully opened his internal
compartment and eased Jolt out onto a biobed. The biobed's sensors immediately took several
readings of Jolt and began to work. As they quietly operated on the badly-wounded Author, the air
began to shimmer. Robby powered up his weapons systems, determined not to let the Horde get Jolt
back.
     To his pleasant surprise, it was not the Horde that was teleporting in, but the
Interdimensional Guard, NotReallyHere. NRH looked down at Jolt's body. He softly spoke. "Good
job. I tried to get him out, too. He was killed while we were getting a bite to eat before heading back
to the AAA. If it weren't for a temporal flux from the Plot Device, I would've been permanently
responsible for his death."
     Robby tried to think of something to say that would console the depressive Avatar, but
couldn't come up with any that would matter. He'd been unlucky. It wasn't his fault. Logically, those
were true. Emotionally, it wouldn't help. He finally said, "He's here now, though, isn't he?"
     NRH looked up. He gazed thoughtfully at Robby for a long time, then replied, "Yes, he is,
and he needs more help than this biobed can give him if he's going to be awake any time this year.
Thanks for putting it in perspective."
     Robby was confused by his response, but decided that now was not the time to try to figure
out humans. NRH was pulling out wires from a panel on the biobed and pulling open his shirt. Over
his heart was a small metal bead, the only external sign of the incredible Plot Device in his chest.
He lightly touched the wires to the bead.
     The bed seemed to go into a frenzy of activity, with sensors and probes waving wildly. They
whipped around faster and faster as the bed itself seemed to contort into geometrically impossible
shapes with Jolt managing to lie flat the entire time. In a few minutes, it subsided. Jolt blinked and
stood up. He peered owlishly at NRH. "What happened to the cafe?" he asked.
     The ex-assassin laughed long and loud and hugged the groggy Author. "It's a long story, Jolt."
Robby quietly exited the hospital, to return the good news to Lynxara.
     He stopped where he had been hovering before. He quietly spoke. "Lynxara, I've done as you
asked. Jolt has been safely returned to the AAA. Is there anything else I can do?"
     The headstone seemed to barely glimmer with the faintest of lights. Robby mulled over this
for almost 47 microseconds. For a robot, that is an eternity. He dipped his head and *released*
something he hadn't been aware that he was holding. The headstone grew in brilliance until Robby
was no longer able to look directly at it. The light quickly went away, then, and Robby looked back
at the headstone. The melted effect was gone, and it would be impossible to tell that it had ever
been. Robby waited for several hours for further commands, but received none. Eventually, the
robo-ref returned to its programmed duties.
     A whisper floated from the gravesite.
     {Can you forgive me for offering what is no longer mine to give?}
     Were it still able to understand, the robo-ref would have answered yes.