Club Boof

By Alex & Max Fauth, with Theo "Cap'n Bungie" N.

The camera dives through thick clouds and zooms across the Mexican
jungles until a large pyramid comes into view. It zooms up and over
and around the pyramid and then through a door on the top temple
portion. Superimpose on the screen "MONDAY NIGHT BIFFO" and then
fade as we cut to the commentator's desk manned (as always) by
Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson.
     "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this
special Monday night of pure boof," Roy begins. "Where too much
violence is never enough. I'm Roy Slaven and this is HG Nelson."
     "Yes, thank you, Roy," HG continues. "Tonight Monday Night
Biffo is coming to you live from Torgo's Thighmaster here in a
mysterious Aztec Temple where too much violence will be not
enough."
     "And we have a huge audience here in the Thighmaster tonight!"
Roy exclaims as the camera pans around. It briefly focuses on the
assembled cast of the entire Tekken series, who have taken a brief
break from killing, maiming fighting, throwing, fire breathing and
throwing one another off high places. Kuma waves to the camera. It
then cuts back to the announcer's desk.
     "We have a spectacular night of boof lined up for the audience
both here in the Thighmaster and at home on the flop and fiddle."
HG begins.  "For tonight here at Club Boof, we have not one, not
two but three grudge matches left over from the previous fight
scene!"
     "That's right HG." Roy continues. "Not only do we have Not
only will Michael Austin be fighting off an unknown avatar who
challenged him last week at Monday Night Biffo, but we also Darrien
Brill fighting DarkWind for the ownership of his headband. And if
last week's fight between them was anything to go on, it promises
to be a fierce one indeed. Plus, we have a grudge match between the
members of one of last weeks teams"
     "Yes... But that's not all!" HG exclaims. "For after that we
will have the first fight in the AAA Intercontinental Championship!
Tonight, nine crazed, bloodthirsty avatars will step into the ring
and proceed to biff the living carpet out of each other in the
Elmer Rumble!"
     "And the prize for this is simple: Entry into the AAA
Intercontinental Championship, with a shot at the belt" Roy
finishes. "It looks like it'll be a great bit of biffo! It's almost
enough to make me want to jump in there and rip open a few dates
myself!"
     "And now for our first grudge match." HG comments. "After
their loss last week, it seems that the two members of one of the
teams had a small falling out."
     "Seems they were both trying to shift the blame to each other
for the loss," Roy comments "Even though the were both equally
thrashed."
     "So tonight they're going to fight each other as a way of
resolving who's to blame," HG adds. "It's the many way to resolve
a dispute, by pummeling the other guy into a bloody pulp."
     "More Human than Human" plays as the spandex-costumed form of
Captain Universe strides down to the ring, the crowd cheering him
the whole way. "Captain Universe, eh?" Roy comments. "It then that
would make his
opponent...."
     On cue, the whiny Saxaphone theme from "Nightman" TV series
begins playing as Nightman strides down to the ring through a hail
of soft drink cups, food wrappers, rolled-up sports socks and
Plushie Avatars. "Nightbaby and Captain Universe" HG comments.
"What a match-up this is!"
     "I guess this will help determine who is the biggest loser in
all of AAA," Roy replies. "Neither of these two tools could win a
fight if their lives depended on it."
     "And tonight they're going to be slugging each other into a
bloody pulp."
     "Off-hand, I'm not sure who to cheer for."
     "Off hand, I'm not sure if anyone cares."
     Nightman finally climbs into the ring, kicks aside a
rock-solid hamburger and adopts a fighting stance. Captain Universe
adopts a similar stance and draws back his hands. As the bell rings
HG calls out "And so will you get them out and bang them together
until they're bloody and raw for our first match!"

     MATCH ONE: CAPTAIN UNIVERSE vs NIGHTMAN

     Universe unleashes a low-powered blast that Nightman easily
dodges. Nightman replies by running at Universe and delivering a
sharp elbow to the chest, Universe staggers a little as Nightman
follows up with several punches. Universe manages to get in a kick
to the midsection that temporarily winds Nightman. A quick Snap
Mare from Universe sends Nightman to the mat.
     "There's nothing like a fight between two well-trained
athletes" Roy comments.
     "And this is nothing like a fight between two well-trained
athletes," HG adds as Universe kicks at the downed Nightman but
misses.
     Nightman trips Universe as he gets to his feet. He delivers a
pair of kicks to Universe as he gets to his feet. Universe staggers
up and hits Nightman several times in the back and side. The two
stagger back from each other, clearly looking a little winded.
     "Now both of them are already looking like they're getting the
carpet knocked out of them" HG comments. "This match may be over
soon."
     "Both Nightbaby and Universe have reputations for blowouts."
Roy states flatly. "Although that is blowouts against them."
     Nightman and Universe run at each other again. Universe
manages to trip Nightman, sending him sprawling to the ground. But
before Universe can capitalize on this, Nightman manages to trip
him as well. The two of them end up on the mat, gasping. Nightman
struggles to his feet and backs off from Universe.
     "Now what's he up to?" Roy comments.
     "Maybe he's got plans to tool up Universe's day just a little
more," HG Replies as Nightman runs at the ropes and bounces off. He
dives at Universe who at the last second rolls out of his way. In
a surprising display of athleticism Nightman manages to quickly
regain his footing and bounce into the opposite side's ropes. He
runs back at Universe, arm outstretched for a clothesline. At the
last second, Universe dodges right, his arm also outstretched. The
two of them collide, both going crashing to the floor, seemingly
stunned.
     "Double clothesline!" HG calls out. "These two tools are both
down on the floor!"
     "Doesn't look like either of them are moving!" Roy replies as
the Robo-Ref hovers over to the two downed avatars. It raises their
arms, only to have them go limp and fall back to the floor. "One!"
It counts. "Two" The crowd begins booing and throwing things at the
two avatars. "Three!" it finishes, and calls of the bell.
     
     DRAW: DOUBLE KO

     "Well that was...." Roy says, flatly.
     "Um... expected?" HG replies.
     "I suppose. Both of these two do have a reputation for losing
every match they get into."
     "Too right," HG answers. "I suspect that this was the only
feasible conclusion. No-one wins"
     "These two are such total tools that they couldn't even beat
each other!" Roy exclaims. "I hate to sound negative, HG, but these
two are a bit of a blot on AAA's reputation for athletic
excellence."
     "Think that AAA could be better off without them?"
     "Sometimes." Roy answers. "But then I think, that they also
serve the vital function of making everyone else look better."
     "And speaking of better-looking athletes," HG replies. "Stick
around. We've got more boof for you after this!"

[Ads. ]

     "Hello everyone and welcome back to this spectacular night of
Boof!" Roy calls out. "And we're back here at Torgo's Thighmaster
with our second grudge match of the night."
     "Last week at Monday Night Biffo,  Michael Austin, accompanied
by newcomer Husthar Renneth, thoroughly demolished Captain Universe
and Nightman." HG states, his  expression seemingly serious. The
big screen shows  footage of Austin grabbing Nightman from behind
and slamming him head-first into the turnbuckle, and of Universe
being hit by Renneth's energy blast, Protoculture Dreaming. "But
after their  victory, it seemed that someone was not happy with the
outcome." The screen then shows the Mystery Avatar's challenge to
Michael. 
     "Now, we don't know who this person is, HG," Roy begins. "And
there has been a lot of rampant speculation on their identity.
However, I get the feeling that we're gonna find out one way or
another tonight."
     "And with that thought in mind, could you bang them together
until they are little more than messy stumps for our second match!"
     Maurice Starr's "The Right Stuff" cues up as the big screen
switches on, showing footage of an Alpha fighter in combat against 
the Invid, followed by Cyclones fighting Invid and EBSIS Hind
Gunships. The footage ends with a scene of Michael Austin posing 
heroically in front of an REF Flag. The armoured figure of Austin 
strides down the ramp, accompanied by Husthar Renneth and a loud
chorus of boos from the audience. Michael seems to ignore the crowd 
as he vaults over the ropes into the ring. He nods to Husthar, who
moves off to one side of the apron. Michael grabs the robo-ref's 
mike.
     "Are you ready for a thorough ass-whuppin?!" Austin calls out
to the crowd. His reply is another hail of boos. "Well, I sure hope
our 'mystery avatar' is! For I, the great Michael Austin, am going
to  lay the smack down on her tonight!" The crowd boos even louder.
"The great Michael has spoken!"
     "I wish our mystery competitor would show up," HG mutters. "I
couldn't stand too much more of this!" 
     "Well, HG, I must say that Mikey's antics in the ring do
remind one of a certain WWF Corporation member." 
     "Oh, who would that be, Roy?" 
     "Shane McMahon, of course." 
     "Ah, that's definitely it...here comes our mystery avatar." 
     On cue, Sharon Apple's "Information High" begins play as the
mystery avatar runs down the entrance ramp, wearing the same armour
as she did in her last fight. She leaps up the steps and over the
turnbuckles in a short vertical jump, and slams her feet straight
into his chest, sending the two of them sprawling. She gets to her
feet as the bell rings, signaling the start of the match.

GRUDGE MATCH: MICHAEL AUSTIN vs MYSTERY AVATAR
     [Co-written w/ guest author, Theo "Cap'n Bungie" M.] 

     Austin delivers a couple of quick punches and jabs to the
Mystery Avatar's face and chest - but to no apparent result. The
Mystery Avatar responds with a leg sweep that temporarily catches
Austin off balance. She uses this to make a grab for him, but
Austin escapes and delivers another couple of hits to her
midsection.    "This is gonna be an interesting one," Roy comments.
"Both of  these two are wearing heavy armor. That means that
they'll have to hit each other real hard to get the win."
     "They could do some sort of submission hold, of course," HG
adds, "or de-armour the other to win."
     Roy looks at the Mystery Avatar for a second. "That might be
a nice idea," He comments. "I'm sure a little Nude Work would be
appreciated around here."
     Austin and the Mystery Avatar lock up. Austin is almost
immediately slammed to the canvas with a Headlock Takedown. Michael
scrambles back to his feet, and glares at his mysterious opponent,
though showing more caution than he had before. Austin feigns a
jab, then hits the Mystery Avatar hard in the back  of the head
with a armor-enhanced spinning heel kick. The M.A. stumbles
forward, but does not fall.
     "Ouch! I could hear the metal clanking from here," HG comments
on the kick which the M.A. barely sustained without falling, "That
one must have left her ears ringing!"
     Michael Austin takes advantage of the M.A.'s unbalanced state,
and rips her backwards with a reverse DDT! Michael tries to follow
that move up with a legdrop, but the M.A. rolls out of the line of
fire and he ends up on his ass.
     Michael gets back up, and sustains a couple of right and left
hooks to the head before the M.A. spins him 'round with a
spinebuster. 
     "Another mecha-powered blast...these two may leave a few dents
in the ring before it's all said and done," Roy notes.
Michael gets back to his feet, and tries to whip the M.A. to the
turnbuckles, but is reversed, and ends up hitting the post hard.
The Mystery Avatar runs towards him, and jumps for a brutal Stinger
Splash!
     "Hell, yah! The crowd is going wild, and the Mystery Avatar is
showing no mercy!" Roy says.
     "With those armor suits and all, I just can't believe the
turnbuckle post isn't dented yet..." HG says bewilderedly.
     The M.A. does indeed show no mercy, kicking the other armored
Avatar repeatedly to the midsection. She sets the battered Austin
up on the top rope, hooks his head and arm, and flips back,
executing a Superplex  from the top! 
     "Unbelievable! This Mystery Avatar is pulling off some amazing
high-flying moves, especially for someone in heavy armor! There
aren't many fighters in the 3A who can do that..." HG ponders.
     Both Avatars pull themselves to their feet in opposite corners
of the ring, and circle each other. The Mystery Avatar makes the
first move. She springs at Michael Austin,  her armored fist
outstretched for a clothesline. But Austin manages to duck the
metal arm, and counter with a Sudden Impact (the Urinage Slam,
perfected by Shaed Bloodgrave).
     "Hmph. Figures, don't it?" Roy said to HG concerning the move
just pulled off by Michael. HG just grumbled something vulgar about 
Michael's ancestral relation to several bovine creatures.
     Rather than following that attack up, Michael turns towards
the audience. "And now, for the most electrifying move in the
Triple-A!" He yells  before running for the ropes. He rebounds off
of the black ring ropes, before  sliding into a ludicrously
overblown yet oddly familiar elbow drop onto the  Mystery Avatar's
neck. 
     "The Purist's Elbow!" He calls out in pompous style.
     "That had to hurt!" HG exclaims. "That Tool's gotta have
slammed  the living browns out of her!"
     "It may be over here folks," Roy replies. "He's going for the
pin... Wait-no!" He exclaims as Austin picks her up and grabs her
around the neck. "What's he up to?!"
     "Now I'm gonna see who's under here!" he yells as he wraps one
arm around the mystery Avatar's neck to do a clumsy rear chin lock,
and uses the other one to pry at her helmet's face plate. The
Mystery Avatar slowly begins to recover, and starts prying at
Austin's arm to no avail. He yanks off the faceplate to the helmet
and then the helmet itself to reveal...
     "It's Rebecca Bartley!" HG exclaims. "Elmer Studios' own
Rebecca  Bartley!"
     "But she's not an avatar!" Roy adds. "I want to know what's
going on here!"
     Michael seems to be genuinely surprised as well. Rebecca uses
this opportunity to pry herself free of Michael's chinlock. She
staggers to her feet, and lands some solid punches on him a couple
of times, right in the faceplate. She then grabs his right arm and
pulls it around behind him.
     "Tight hammerlock there from Rebecca!" HG calls out. "And the
crowd is going wild!" He adds, noting the cries of "Rebecca" and
"Elmer  Forever" filling the air. "I don't think I've ever seen a
crowd on their feet for a wristlock like this for at least a
decade, HG...Bret Hart would be proud,  eh?" Roy commented.
     Michael manages to wrench himself free of the armlock, only to
receive several more armor-denting punches to the faceplate and
chest.  Rebecca follows them up with an armour-crunching kick to
the groin  section of the armour. Michael visibly winces in pain
and doubles over.  "Kick to the cruets!" Roy exclaims. "He had to
feel that through the armor!"
     Rebecca grabs the arrogant Avatar and slams him to the mat
with a single arm DDT. She then rolls him over for the pin. The
robo-ref gets to two before Michael manages to kick out. He
staggers to his feet, visibly weakened, only to sustain several
snap kicks the midsection and  thighs. He staggers a bit, but
manages to stay on his feet. He returns with several of his own
punches, clearly aimed at Rebecca's unprotected head; however, she
manages to block them with her forearm shield.
     "Looks like it's all but over for Michael," HG comments.
     "Strange that we've seen no tooly work from Husthar..." Roy
adds. As if on cue, Husthar begins to draw back his hands, charging
up an energy blast between them. "Bloody hell!" Roy exclaims as he
leaps out of his seat.
     "It's the Protoculture Dreaming!" HG adds. "He's gonna rip her
apart!"
     At which point a woman clad in a tight, sleeveless black
bodysuit with a black full-face mask and a clearly artificial left
arm leaps out of the audience seats and smashes Husthar across the
back of his head with a steel chair, knocking him out cold.
     "Someone in the audience just clobbered Husthar!" HG calls
out. "She does it again! She's really knocking the carpet out of
him now!" In the ring Austin looks clearly stunned at the
demolition of his  support.
     The Mystery Woman throws the chair into the ring, and leaps
back into the audience. Rebecca grins as she picks it up.
     "She's got the chair!" Roy calls out. "She's going to flatten
him!"
     Michael runs at Rebecca, arm outstretched for a clothesline,
but she manages to duck under it. He bounces off the ropes and
comes back at her -- and gets the Chair, metal-edge first, right in
the guts. He staggers as she  hits him in the chest with the chair,
sending him crashing to the mat.
     "Oh! Right in the CVR's vulnerable midsection!" HG exclaims.
"That's gotta have totally tooled him!"
     "Amazing, really, that a steel folding chair could possibly do
serious damage to weapons-grade battle armor..." Roy would have
continued to ponder this oddity; but one of the first things you
learned in a universe where Mentos had unholy power was to not
think about anything too hard. 
     "Now what's she up to?" Roy asks as Rebecca rolls the dazed
Michael onto his back. She pulls his legs up, and methodically ties
them up in an Indian Deathlock.
     "That's got to be a killer!" HG calls out. "He's gonna have to
get out or he'll be meat tray!"
     The Robo-Ref zips over to Michael, watching him patiently.
Michael screams in pain as the crowd cheers, then finally taps out.

     WINNER: MYSTERY AVATAR (Rebecca Bartley) by SUBMISSION

     "She did it! Rebecca totally tooled him!" HG calls out.
     Rebecca lets Austin go and casually leaps out of the ring.
Austin struggles to his feet, favoring his good leg. "You b*tch.
Couldn't win a fair fight, could you?" He spits bitterly.
     Rebecca turns to face Austin. "Oh yeah, How about you?" She
says, pointing at the barely conscious Husthar. "I'll play fair
when you do." Rebecca turns and leaves, to the sound of the entire
applauding audience.

[Ad Break]

     The camera pans over an empty AAA arena, filmed in darkened
black and white. It then cuts to Adam Chris Leigh standing, arms
folded, in front of a ring. He looks at the camera and says "I've
fought off the most wanted space Pirate Kagato."
     The panning view over the arena returns, zooming slowly as the
camera circles over. It then cuts to Nav, his sniper rifle resting
on his shoulder. "I've defeated the future guardians of Crystal
Tokyo."
     The camera continues to zoom in; now the edges of the arena
and the outmost seats are out of shot. Then DJ Croft appears as
before, regarding the camera smugly. "I've battled the angels, on
my own and with no training."
     The zoom becomes faster, as the seats quickly disappear beyond
the edges of the screen. Then General Patterson is shown,
dominating the screen. "I saved this and many other dimensions."
     The camera zooms rapidly in on the ring from directly above,
closing in until the last of the seats, the barriers and finally
the turnbuckles and ropes pass off the screen. It zooms in on the
mat, growing darker until the screen is nothing but a black field.
Then Samantha Jones appears, looking away from the camera. She
turns her head towards it, a slight smile playing across her face.
"Now comes the hard part."
     AAA. Attitude.

[Return]

     "Welcome back to the Thighmaster for our third match!" Roy
calls out. "And we're back right in time for some serious boof"
      "For right now, we have the third one of our three grudge
matches. Last week on Monday Night Biffo, Darrien Brill and
DarkWind clashed." The screen shows footage of the fight between
Darrien and DarkWind (And conveniently skipping any footage of
Thane or Locke). "And for a while, it looked like Darrien was going
to completely tool up DarkWind's day." The screen shows Darrien's
flame pillar consuming DarkWind with HG's "Mother of all Jeffs!"
exclamation in the background.
     "However, a bit of tooly behaviour on the part of DarkWind
changed all that." The footage shows DarkWind removing Darrien's
headband and Kyrind slugging him with a chair.
     "So tonight, Darrien is going to claim his prize" HG finishes.
"This man is gonna get into that ring and biff the living browns
out of a monster shapeshifter-"
     "Or get the living browns biffed out of him" Roy adds
     "For what? A headband?!" HG exclaims. "Avatars are strange
people."
     "Money For Nothing" Blares up as the five Neo-Knight Sabres
stride down the ramp, playing to the crowd. Bert is, as always,
clad  in his trademark Medieval-style Hardsuit. Darkwind is
arrogantly wearing Darrien's headband with Kathy, clad only in
leather shorts and a tight leather halter top, trailing behind him.
Locke, however, seems strangely subdued. The five of them clamber
into the ring, with DarkWind grabbing the Robo-Ref's mike.
     "Ladies and Gentlemen!" DarkWind calls out. "Once again, I
present to you, the Big Man, Bert Van Millet!" He throws the mike
to Bert who skillfully catches it.
     "Thanks very much, DarkWind" Bert calls out. "Tonight I am
proud to see my boys go up against Darrien. Why? Because this will
prove, beyond all doubt that the Neo-Knight Sabres are the best
thing ever to happen to AAA. Forget Foxfire. Forget the Wolfpack.
Forget Blue Thunder. We Are The Thing!" The crowd responds with a
hail of boos. "So I'm expecting to see some excellent performance
from my boys tonight!"
     With that, Bert hands the mike back to the Robo-Ref. He, Kathy
and Locke leave the ring, while Kyrind slips off to the side.
     Green Day's "Walking Contradiction" plays as Darrien strides
down to the ring, looking a bit off colour but certainly better
than he did at the end of the last fight.
     "This guy looks like he's just been hit by a heard of rampant
wildebeest," HG comments.
     "I'd love to know how he plans to take on Kyrind and DorkWind
on his own."
     Darrien vaults into the ring and grabs the mike from the
Robo-Ref. "Hey Bert!" he calls out. "I got to thinking  this last
week. I realized that the only reason I lost was because your man"
he indicates to DarkWind "Had the rest of your team running in." He
glares at Kyrind, who grins. "So, in order to even things up, I'm
going to be competing as part of a team tonight." He pauses.
     "Don't like the look of this" Roy comments. "I suspect that
something tooly's going on"
     At that point, Locke leaps into the ring behind Darrien,
grinning all the way. Kathy and Kyrind have the decency to look
surprised at this turn of events. "I'd like to introduce you all
to...." he pauses as Locke reaches into one of his jacket pockets
and pulls out something blue. "The Headband People!" There is a
stunned silence as Locke puts on a blue headband, and whips off his
jacket... to reveal a black shirt with huge white text proclaiming
"Real Men Wear Headbands!"
     "This is a very unexpected turn of events!" Roy exclaims as
the bell rings.
     "So get them out and bash them together until they smash to
tiny pieces for our third match!"

     MATCH THREE: NEO-KNIGHT SABERS (DarkWind and Kyrind) vs
HEADBAND PEOPLE (Darrien Brill and Locke Sommerville) FOR DARRIEN'S
HEADBAND

     The bell rings and both Locke and Kyrind slide out of the
ring. Darrien lets out a yell and immediately charges at Darkwind
who, caught off-guard, quickly falls prey to a running clothesline.
Darkwind flips back onto his feet with ease to be intercepted with
a series of quick blows from Darrien.  Darrien then whips him into
the ropes, but Darkwind recovers quickly enough to smash into
Darrien on the way back with a flying shoulder tackle. Darkwind
wastes no time in rolling to his feet and stomping on Darrien's
prone form a couple of times. He backs off, watching Darrien
expectantly. Much to Darkwind's surprise, Darrien stays prone,
breathing heavily.
     "He's tired out already?!" Roy exclaims angrily. "I thought
this guy was meant to be the best dog in the town!"
     "It's like last week... you take his headband and...." HG
replies. "He's Sunday morning bacon"
     Darkwind smirks at Darrien's weakened state and raises his
right arm in a victory salute. As Darrien makes his way shakily to
his feet Darkwind unfurls his wings and boosts upwards briefly,
landing on a turnbuckle. He perches there for a second as Darrien
turns towards him, then leaps off in a mighty forearm smash.
Darrien manages to dodge aside at the last second, leaving Darkwind
to crash unceremoniously into the mat.
     "Bit of a tool up there" Roy smirks.
     Darrien scampers aside and tags out to Locke, who immediately
runs in and clobbers Darkwind with a flying clothesline. They both
roll to their feet and Locke takes the initiative, pounding on
Darkwind's face. Darkwind seems totally unfazed and promptly breaks
in by grabbing Locke's incoming fist and twisting it behind him in
a wristlock. Locke grits his teeth and thrust backwards with his
free elbow, catching Darkwind twice in the abdomen before he
finally lets go.
     Locke steps back and adopts a fighting stance. Darkwind smirks
then easily dodges as Locke lashes out with a pair of quick
punches. Locke follows up with a spinning kick to Darkwind's chest
which sends the shapeshifter staggering backwards. Locke rears back
his fist and fires off a weak telekinetic blast. This also slams
into Darkwind's chest, sending him staggering back into the ropes.
Darkwind bounces off the ropes and comes at Locke who drops to the
floor, letting Darkwind run over him.  Darkwind runs past and
bounces off the ropes again to be finally intercepted with a
spinning kick from Locke, flooring him.
     "Fancy bootwork from Locke" Roy comments. "Looks like DorkFish
is gonna have a hard time of it after all"
     "I think Darrien chose a good beer buddy for the night" HG
adds.  "Nothing like a little quality teamwork"
     Locke backs off as Darkwind stands and jabs at him. Darkwind
takes a hit to the face and Locke follows up again with a spinning
kick. Darkwind is ready this time and grabs Locke's leg and
converts it into a leg drag takedown. Darkwind then drops on Locke,
pounding on his chest until the Robo-ref finally calls him off.
Darkwind stands and picks the stunned Locke up by his head and
leads him back to the corner where he tags Kyrind. Kyrind casually
walks into the ring and starts pounding on Locke's chest as
Darkwind holds him. Kyrind finishes up with a hard punch to Locke's
face, knocking him clean down. Darkwind lets go and finally
makes his way out of the ring.
     "Kyrind and Locke now... this could be interesting" Roy
comments.
     "Yes, indeed Roy" HG replies. "Both of these guys are nearly
identical in power and are avatars of the same guy. Could be quite
a bit of rivalry there."
     Locke rolls away and gets to his feet, raising his arms in
time to block a powerful blow from Kyrind before lashing back with
one of his own.  He catches Kyrind in the face, dazing him long
enough for Locke to smash him down in a DDT. Locke runs into the
ropes as he stands and comes back in time to bring Kyrind down
again with a cross body block. Locke stands and backs away,
readying a powerful psychic blast as Kyrind gets to his feet. Locke
is stopped just before he looses it as Darkwind grabs him in a
sleeper from over the ropes, releasing him just as Kyrind charges
fist-first into his former team mate. Locke collapses to the floor
from the assault and Kyrind goes for a pin, barely managing a two
count before Locke throws him off.
     "Tooly work there from DorkWind" HG comments angrily. "I was
wondering how long it would take him."
     "I'm just surprised that the other two haven't tried anything"
Roy adds, glaring at Bert and Kathy.
     Kyrind gets to his knees and takes hold of Locke's head. He
then stands, bringing Locke up with him and leads Locke over to the
turnbuckles. He rests Locke's back against the turnbuckle for a
second before climbing to the first rope behind him and bringing
him down once again to the mat in a swinging DDT.  Kyrind goes for
the pin, but again Locke barely manages to kick out. Clearly
angered by Locke's stubborn refusal to give up, he stands and yells
down at the other ESPer. Kyrind turns and runs for the ropes,
bouncing back as Locke stands. Barely recovering in time, Locke
manages to catch Kyrind on the way in and drop him in a sideways
body slam.
     "Oh yeah!" Roy calls out. "This is the sort of carnage that I
like!"
     "This is what sport's all about!" HG calls out. "The carnage,
the violence, the sheer primal brutality of it all. I love it!"
     They both leap to their feet and back off. They stare each
other down for a second before Kyrind charges forward, fist
outstretched and glowing with psychic power. Locke manages to
sidestep the attack as it comes in and catches Kyrind in the face
with a series of hard punches when he turns around. Locke then
whips the stunned Kyrind into the turnbuckle and strides over to
him. Locke sets Kyrind up on the top ropes before standing back and
leaping up, delivering an airborne spinning kick to Kyrind's chest,
sending him flying backwards off the turnbuckle and onto the floor
outside the ring.
     "And now Kyrind's out on his date outside the ring!" HG calls
out. "This is really heating up! We're looking at some great
tool-ripping action tonight!"
     Locke climbs out of the ring after Kyrind and dashes up to his
prone form. He brings Kyrind to his feet and whips him around,
sending him hurtling into the guard rail. Kyrind smashes hard into
the rail and is left hanging over it, seemingly out cold. Seeing
defeat imminent, Darkwind unfurls his wings and takes to the air,
hovering unnoticed over Locke for a second and then dropping down
in a massive axe handle smash to the back of his head. Leaving
Locke down, he walks over to the rousing Kyrind and helps him up.
The two team mates then walk back over to Locke, bring him to his
feet and proceed to smash his face several times into the apron
before finally sliding him in. Kyrind climbs in after him and goes
for a pin, hooking Locke's leg up. The Robo-ref counts two, but
Locke barely manages to get a shoulder up.
     "Tooly run in there from the Neo-Knight Sabers!" Roy calls
out. "Looks like the're not gonna play by any rules tonight!"
     "Now it looks like the Headband People could be in trouble..."
HG comments. "If Bert and Kathy leap in, it's suddenly four on two"
     Frustrated beyond words, Kyrind stands and backs off, letting
Locke get to his feet before charging in with a telekinetic fist
ram. Locke manages to bring up his force field just in time,
defusing Kyrind's attack and repelling him back slightly. Locke
smashed him hard in the face and then clocks Kyrind with a
roundhouse kick, leaving him staggering back. Locke drew back his
fist, now glowing with psychic power and slammed it into the mat,
calling out "Level three!" A massive burst of power erupted beneath
Kyrind , sending him flying back into the turnbuckle and then
crumpling into a heap.
     "Number three!" HG calls out. "He laid a huge number three on
Kyrind."
     "Level three, I think," Roy corrects.
     "Whatever."
     Kathy and Skyknight look on, rather concerned and then
downright worried as Locke tags Darrien. The two of them head over
to Kyrind and drag him out of the corner, whipping him towards the
ropes then double clotheslining him on the way back. Locke makes
his way out of the ring, leaving Darrien to stand back and wait for
Kyrind to rise. Darrien immediately grabs him and whips him into
the turnbuckle. He goes for a shoulder charge but Kyrind barely
manages to slip out of the way letting Darrien crash into the
turnbuckle. He tags Darkwind who immediately clambers into the
ring, striding up behind Darrien. Darrien swings around and plants
a hard right in Darkwind's abdomen, then grabs the shapeshifter's
head and bashes it down onto his knee.
     "And now Darrien's kicking the living carpet out of Darkwind!"
Roy exclaims.
     "Not bad for a guy who was totally tooled at the start of the
match!" HG calls out, clearly excited at all the violence.
     Seeing his star in distress, Skynight finally gives the nod to
Kathy. The two of them rise and start towards the ring, but are
suddenly interrupted.  A roar of incoming jets is all the warning
Skyknight gets before Takei Orochi bears down on him, delivering a
folded steel chair into his helmet with crushing force. Kathy looks
stunned, but is even more amazed to see another man coming down the
ramp, wearing an X-Wing flight suit.
     "It's..." Roy begins.
     "It's..." HG continues.
     "It's... the loser from BGCWars: A new Loop" Roy finishes.
"Rick, I think"
     Rick runs down the ramp straight at Kathy, dropping to the
ground at the last second and catching her in the crab's claws (a
sliding version of the drop toe hold). With Kathy on the ground he
quickly grabs her right leg and twists it around, putting her in a
half Boston crab. Kathy hollers in pain and furiously bashes the
ringside floor as if to tap out. Takei stands over the knocked out
Skyknight for a second, then turns towards the ring.
     "Whoever he is, it's a piece of timely intervention before
those two tools got in there and got rampant," HG adds. "I wonder
if Kathy realises that there's no Robo-Ref to tap out to?" Roy
adds, bemused.
     Darrien drops onto Darkwing's back and grabs his head from
behind a brief moment before the shapeshifter recovers. He leaps to
his feet, flinging Darrien off and across the ring. Darkwind then
pauses, seemingly confused and reaches up to his head. He feels
around and realises too late that Darrien's headband is gone! At
that moment, Darrien finishes tying his headband back on. Darkwind
charges at him but Darrien unleashes a massive blast of energy that
stops him dead in his tracks. A second blast sends him hurtling
back into the ropes and running back to Darrien who promptly pulls
the shapeshifter down in an arm drag. 
     "Darrien's got the headband" HG calls out, leaping out of his
seat in excitement!"
     "And he's totally tooling Dorkwind!" Roy ads. "It could be
finishing time for the neo-Night Sabers!"
     "Ironic that they're defeated by run-ins clobbering their
run-ins."
     Darkwind rolls to his feet and backs off, this time sending
himself into the ropes and coming back with an arm outsrtetched for
a clothesline.  Darrien sidesteps his clumsy attack and promptly
slugs Darkwind hard in the abdomen when he turns around. With
Darkwind bent forwards, Darrien turns around and grabs Darkwind by
the head with both hands over his shoulder. He suddenly drops to
the ground, dragging Darkwind's head down face-first into the mat
in his finishing move, the Brain Smasher (essentially DDP's Diamond
Cutter).
     "Darkwind's down and out!" HG calls out.  'This is it!"
     "Wait a minute HG!" Roy calls out. "It may not be over yet!"
he finishes as Kyrind tries to vault over the ropes but is left
amusingly flat on his face from Takei grabbing his ankle. Darrien
rolls over onto Darkwind and hooks his leg up for the pin. Locke
leads the crowd in their cheers as the robo-ref makes the
three-count.

     WINNER: THE HEADBAND PEOPLE

     "And that's it! The Neo-Knight Sabers are meat tray!" HG calls
out.
     Darrien takes the Robo-Ref's microphone. "I'm not going to
claim this victory as my own" He begins. "I may have pinned
Darkwind and gotten my headband back, but if not fort my team-" he
indicates to Locke who is putting his jacket back on. "I couldn't
have won. And if not for the timely intervention of Takei here" -
he says, indicating to the armoured vigilante "I would have fallen
victim to their little run-ins" He and Locke clamber out of the
ring and stride up the ramp, avoiding both the unconscious form of
Bert and Kathy who is still pleading with Rick to let go of her.
     "And that's all for this match!" Roy calls out. "But stick
around, because our fourth and final fight is up next. And it could
be the biggest brown bash of them all!"

[Ad break]

     The camera pans over an empty AAA arena, filmed in darkened
black and white. It then cuts to Adam Chris Leigh standing, arms
folded, in front of a ring. He looks at the camera and says "I've
whined incessantly and done nothing."
     The panning view over the arena returns, zooming slowly as the
camera circles over. It then cuts to Eleven, his arms crossed.
"I've re-written history to my benefit."
     The camera continues to zoom in; now the edges of the arena
and the outmost seats are out of shot. Then Issei Mataloun appears
as before, regarding the camera smugly. "I've changed characters
sexualities just so they'll sleep with me."
     The zoom becomes faster, as the seats quickly disappear beyond
the edges of the screen. Then Thane is shown, dominating the
screen. "I've done horrid things to the English Language."
     The camera zooms rapidly in on the ring from directly above,
closing in until the last of the seats, the barriers and finally
the turnbuckles and ropes pass off the screen. It zooms in on the
mat, growing darker until the screen is nothing but a black field.
Then Samantha Jones appears, looking away from the camera. She
turns her head towards it, a slight smile playing across her face.
"Now comes the hard part."
     AAA. Attitude.

[Return]

     "We're back for the climax of this awesome night where too
much gratuitous violence will never be enough!" Roy calls out.
     "And what do we have for the lucky people here in the
Thighmaster or at home on the flop and fiddle in this final match,
Roy?"
     "Well... this match is a special 'Royal Rumble' type event for
a place in the AAA's forthcoming Intercontinental Belt
championship. The rules are simple. The competitors run in one at
a time and try to peg each other out of the ring. The last two guys
in there will get the places."
     "And it seems that the competitors in tonight's event have
been left as a bit of a mystery to us" HG continues. "But I'm
pretty sure we'll see some first class Avatar boofing action."
     "Or not" Roy replies as "More Human than Human" cues up,
signalling the entrance of none other than AAA's resident
superhero, Captain Universe. 
     "Him again?!" HG calls out. "What, does he think he's actually
going to win this one?" Captain Universe strides down to the ring,
the crowd still cheering for him.
     "Look on the bright side, HG" Roy replies. 'It means there's
gonna be at least one likeable guy in that ring. Albeit briefly" he
finished, thinking about Cap's usual performance.
     Captain Universe climbs into the ring, the bell ringing to
signal the start of the match. "Anyway ladies and gentlemen,
weather here in the Thighmaster or at home on the Flop and Fiddle
could you bang them together until they're little more than greasy
stains for our final match!"

ELMER RUMBLE: LAST 2 CONTESTANTS REMAINING IN RING EARN A PLACE IN
THE IC CHAMPIONSHIP COMPETITION.

     The opening chords of Joanne Harris' "The Future is Now"
signal the appearance of Husthar Renneth. He runs down the entrance
ramp and leaps up the steps, vaulting over the turnbuckle in a
flying dropkick to intercept the surprised Captain Universe.
Universe rolls away and stands, then barely leaps out of the way as
Husthar flings a powerful blast of energy at him. Husthar
immediately follows up with a second, then a third blast as
Universe keeps managing to dodge. Husthar starts rapid-firing a
series of smaller energy blasts, keeping universe running.
     "What's up with the crowd?" Roy asks, noting the hail of boos
and jeers the fight is receiving.
     "Guess they just aren't getting excited by this." HG replies.
"I'm sure not."
     Universe finally stops running to stand still, staring down
Husthar.  Husthar grins in response and looses a powerful blast at
his opponent.  Rather than dodging, Universe stands still and takes
the brunt of the blast full-on in the chest. However the blast
merely dissipates, leaving him seemingly unharmed. Universe begins
to glow with power as Husthar realises his own trick has been used
against him - a realisation confirmed by Universe yelling out
"Universe Cosmos Blast!" and releasing a huge stream of cosmic
energy at Husthar. Husthar reels back and brings up his arms to
block, concentrating on absorbing the blast. It fades and Husthar
uncovers his face just in time to be hit by a running clothesline
from Captain Universe.
     "Surprisingly good move there from Universe!" HG calls out. "A
far cry from his usual level of toolyness!"
     "Maybe he's just been saving himself up." Roy replies. 
     Universe dashes past Husthar as he stands then bounces off the
ropes, coming back at his opponent. Now ready for him, Husthar
grabs him and flips him over in a power slam intercept. Universe
rolls with the impact and they both stand. Husthar takes the
initiative by pounding at Universe with a series of hard punches,
then floors him with an uppercut. He starts stomping on Universe's
prone form until he is interrupted by the sound of Will Smith's
"Men In Black." Tuxedo Righteous dashes in from the change rooms
and makes a huge leap into the ring, drop-kicking Husthar and
bowling him over.
     "Rather athletic display there from the newcomer" HG comments.
"What do we have on this guy?"
     "Not much... he's a replacement for the original Tuxedo Mask
who's day job is a fanboy loser. He hangs around with some other
tuxedo clad losers and fights the forces of the greatest evil
ever." Roy replies. "And he's able to give himself new powers when
he needs them"
     Righteous then helps Universe up, stating "Us Moonies have to
stick together." The two of them turn to face Husthar who has just
staggered to his feet. They both strike out simultaneously,
catching him in the face with two punches. They batter him
together, not quite in sync and occasionally getting in each
other's way, slowly backing the dazed Husthar until he collapses
against a corner.
     "Easy pickings!" Universe declares, as he raises his arm to
chop at Husthar.
     "Say... Do you like Chibi-Usa?" Tuxedo Righteous asks
Universe.
     "You mean Rini?" he says, looking at his impromptu partner in
confusion. "Yeah, why?'
     Tuxedo righteous then growls, a dark look on his face. He
grabs Universe and flings him backwards in an overhead belly to
belly suplex, throwing him clean out of the ring.
     "Tooly doublecross there by Righeous! Universe is our first
out," Roy exclaims.
     "No surprises there." HG replies. "But why did he react like
that?"
     "Well, it seems that in Tux-Boys' fanfic universe, Chibi-Usa
is the ultimate evil."
     "I can understand that"
     He shakes his head, sighing. "A sad case." Tuxedo Righteous
then turns back to Husthar and takes this opportunity to do what
Universe was about to - by promptly pounding the hell out of
Husthar.
     The whiny "Nightman" theme cues up as Nightman runs into the
arena.
     "Looks like the quality level of this match declines with
every new entrant" HG mutters to himself.
     He clambers into the ring under the bottom rope and hollers
out a challenge to Tuxedo Righteous. Righteous turns away from
Husthar to face Nightman who adopts a fighting stance. Righteous
advances on Nightman, lashing out with a quick punch that catches
Nightman square on his jaw. Righteous then proceeds to draw his
cane and whack Nightman with it, although Nightman blocks each blow
with a cry of pain. Righteous then grabs Nightman by the arm and
whips him against the ropes, intercepting with a clothesline when
Nightman comes running back.
     "What is this? Battle of the born losers?" Roy calls out.
"These two are hardly doing a thing!"
     "No, that was the first match tonight" HG replies.
     Righteous picks Nightman up by the head to face him, and draws
his arm back for a strong punch. He is interrupted and rather
surprised when Husthar, now recovered, taps him on the shoulder.
Husthar grabs Nightman and Tuxedo Righteous by the backs of their
heads and slams their foreheads together. They both reel back,
staggering in pain.
     "Was that a hollow ringing noise I heard there?" Roy comments
dryly.
     Husthar follows on Righteous, pounding his face before
wrenching his arm around in a hammerlock. Nightman begins to creep
up on Husthar as he concentrates on hurting Righteous, but
immediately breaks off and turns to the entrance ramp when Maurice
Starr's "The Right Stuff" blares out over the PA system.
     "Great. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse..."
Roy moaned.
     "Looks like the tools are out in force tonight"
     Michael Austin enters, decked out in his CVR-3 body armour. He
dashes up the steps and immediately climbs onto the top rope, ready
to dive on Nightman. Nightman, however, dashes forward and barges
his shoulder into Austin's feet, toppling him off the ropes and
onto the mat.
     "Nightman's faring a little better than he does normally" HG
commented, observing the vigilante's performance in the fight. 
     Austin rolls to his feet and stands back as Nightman comes
running at him, arm outstretched for a clothesline. Austin dodges
to the left, leaving Nightman to run past him. Going for a second
shot, Nightman bounces off the ropes and comes back at Austin with
another clothesline, but Austin intercepts this time with a back
body drop. Husthar, leaving Tuxedo Righteous still stunned in a
corner joins Austin in bodily picking Nightman up and heaving him
over the top rope. They dust off their hands and both turn back
towards Righteous.
     "Never mind," HG added, quietly.
     Husthar walks over to the stunned hero and drags him out of
the corner, whipping him towards Austin. Austin leaps up to drop
kick him, but righteous avoids by baseball sliding beneath the
airborne soldier. Tuxedo Righteous stands by the corner and yells
out "Tuxedo Flash!" There is a blinding flash of light and then
Tuxedo Righteous stands as before - except with a wooden canoe on
his head! In a muffled voice he calls out "I am Tuxedo Canoehead!"
he immediately waves his head left and right, swatting at Austin
who scrambles desperately out of the way. He continues swatting
with his canoe, advancing as well to keep Austin and Husthar at
bay.
     "You have got to be kidding me," Roy comments.
     "This is one of the most tooly things I've seen in ages" HG
adds. "They're making a mockery of the sport."
     To make things worse for the duo, Will Smith's "Men In Black"
on the speakers announces the arrival of another Tuxedo-wearing
avatar. The spotlight pans up to above the entrance ramp where
Flying Cape boy stands. He tosses his cape over his shoulder and
makes an enormous heroic leap, sailing over the ramp, over the
fans, over the ropes and into the ring's airspace, into a huge
energy blast from Husthar and immediately out of the ring to
finally crash to the floor just by the arena entrance. He picks
himself up, muttering about cheap shots and clutching his hip in
pain, then staggers off back into the change rooms.
     "Well that worked" Roy comments, flatly.
     Tuxedo Canoehead stands stunned, gaping at his partner's swift
disqualification. Husthar takes this opportunity to rear back his
arms and gather a powerful ball of energy. Canoehead finally comes
to his senses and turns back to his opposition just in time to
receive a Protoculture Dreaming straight to the canoe. The canoe
shatters apart, leaving Righteous mostly unhurt but staggering
backwards, dazed.
     "Sort of a.... Boat to the head?" Roy comments. HG merely
moaned at the joke. "Looks like the Tuxedo boys could be tooled
now."
     "For an 'every man for himself' bout, Husthar and Austin are
showing a considerable amount of cooperation." HG comments,
bitterly. "It's just not fair."
     Husthar and Austin approach Righteous and each grab an arm,
double-whipping him to the ropes. They then leap up in sync and
deliver twin drop-kicks to his chest, flooring him as he comes
running back. Husthar and Righteous both stand and start stomping
on Righteous' prone form. They stop after several stomps each and
Husthar backs off, leaving Austin to drag Righteous to his feet. He
whips Righteous towards the ropes and lowers his head ready for the
intercept.
     "War Machine" cues up on the speakers, accompanying the roar
of jets. Takei flies into the ring, barrelling unceremoniously into
Austin and sending him flying.
     "Brutal entrance by Takei!" HG calls out, excited. "Looks like
the loser boys good times are over!"
     Righteous comes back off the ropes unmolested, bounces off the
opposite ropes and, slowing to a stagger, finally just collapses to
the ground. Takei and Austin get to their feet facing each other
and Takei takes the initiative, striking out at Asutin with a
series of hard left jabs, each one denting the helmet of Austin's
armour. He then grabs him and whips him into the ropes, smashing
into his midsection with a side kick as Austin comes back. Austin
collapses to the mat, clutching his injured side and rolling in
pain.
     "Now Austin's totally tooled." HG calls out. "He may be good
and in armour, but Takei's better, and in a hardsuit!"
     "At last someone's putting the boot to those two tools!"
     A yell from Husthar alerts Takei as Husthar looses a powerful
energy blast at him. Takei crosses his arms in front of his helmet
to protect him from the blast, but it still forces him back,
smashing his armoured form into the turnbuckle. Austin gets up from
the mat, still clutching his side, and proceeds to boot Takei
repeatedly as he lies slumped in the corner.
     Husthar turns back to his former task of pounding the downed
Tuxedo Righteous, only to find that he has stood and is now facing
Husthar. Again he calls out "Tuxedo Flash," and is surrounded by a
blinding light.
     "Not again" HG moans. Roy pulls out a dog-eared copy of Croc
Hunter Gazette and begins thumbing through it.
     When it is dispersed he is notably changed. Both his jacket
and shirt are wide open from his belly to his neck, revealing a
heavily muscled torso.  His arms and legs have also bulked up, but
his most notable change is his hair. Now unobscured by a top hat,
it hangs long around his face and is an obviously dyed blonde. "I
am Tuxedo Hercules!" he says in a suddenly deep voice.
     "With his huge plastic chest and everything" HG adds. "You got
a spare issue of that?"
     Husthar rears his hands back for another energy blast but
Tuxedo Hercules pounces on him, grabbing him around the waist,
lifting him up and dropping him in a massive powerbomb. He follows
up with a clearly devastating splash, then stands and pauses to
toss his hair dramatically.
     For the third time in the night, Will Smith's "Men In Black"
cues up, announcing the arrival of the final member of the Tuxedo
project, Tuxedo Shades. He dashes into the ring by Tuxedo Hercules'
side and they both stand to face off against Husthar. Hercules
surprises Husthar, the audience and especially Tuxedo Shades by
reaching down and grabbing Shades by his ankles then swinging him
in a massive arc at Husthar.
     Both Roy and HG throw down their magazines and start paying
attention. "Devastating move there form Tux Herc" HG calls out.
     "It's certainly unique" Roy replies. "Looks like these two
Tuxedo Morons could be the winner of this biff"
     Husthar backs off and scurries away to avoid the devastating
pair.  Tuxedo Hercules, somewhat thrown by the weight of his
partner staggers around the ring, still waving him in a massive
circle. Austin looks up from pounding Takei just in time to see the
approaching Moonies and catch a tuxedo-wearing Avatar right in the
face.
     "Ouch!" HG exclaims. "Austin's tooled in the face! That's
going to hurt him!'
     "And he deserves it too!" Roy calls out. "You wonder what
other surprises are in stall for us tonight."
     Takei stands from his turnbuckle as the whirling menace moves
away and instantly makes a beeline for Austin's prone form. Husthar
manages to catch him from behind and pull him back in a Russian leg
sweep. Takei almost immediately flips to his feet but Husthar is
ready, hammering him with a hard kick to the midsection and pushing
him back towards the ropes.  Husthar then reaches down and hooks
one arm behind Takei's knee and places the other forearm against
his neck. Heaving and straining, he manages to pull Takei off
balance and push him back, almost over the ropes. Takei fires his
hardsuit's jets to stabilise, then brings his arms in between him
and Husthar. He simultaneously flips backwards and thrusts him arms
out, turning both of them over the ropes but leaving him hanging
onto the top.  Husthar lands outside and gets to his feet, cursing
at Takei as he pulls himself back over and into the ring.
     "Husthar's up, over, down and out!" Roy calls out. "Excellent
jet work there from Takei!"
     "Now if only someone could give Austin the date rush" HG adds.
     The Spice Girls' "Wannabe" comes over the speakers as Rick
runs down the ramp, holding a folded steel chair.
     "And now Rick again... looks like he's found a way to actually
contribute to this fight" HG comments.
     "Would be amusing if Austin loses to chair twice in the one
night," Roy notes.
     "Would be amusing if Austin lost to a weenie like him!" HG
replies.
     He slides it into the ring and rolls in, standing just in time
to face Austin. Formerly cowering in the corner Rick chose for his
entrance, Austin lifts Rick's own chair and brings it down on the
poor man's head. Rick staggers, clutching his head in pain and
sways wandering vaguely back to Austin. Austin discards the chair
and grabs Rick in a DDT. Rick makes it to his feet, still clutching
his head as Austin backs away from him. Rick finally straightens up
but is rather confused to see Austin smiling at him and looking
over Rick's shoulder. Rick spins around just in time to get caught
full on the hest by the whirling Tuxedo shades. He is picked
     up and flung out of the ring by the force of the impact.    
     "Well... that.... was" Roy commented at Rick's awesome     
performance.
     Austin stands back as the whirling duo of moonies approaches
him. He finds himself backed into the corner, looks up at the duo,
then finally dashes forwards.
     "Austin's taking a gamble here, but he's got to do something
about the Moonies in Black," Roy comments.
     Managing to time it perfectly, he runs in just as Shades goes
past and shoulder-barges into Tuxedo Hercules. Hercules is thrown
off-balance and stumbles backwards. He completely loses  his grip
on Shades' legs, sending him flying out of the ring. Autsin catches
Hercules as he staggers, placing his right arm across Hercules'
neck and raising his left to the crowd. He counts down "3! 2! 1!,"
both yelling to the crowd and on his fingers, then places his left
hand on Hercules' back to lift him and drop him to the ground, back
first, in the Ikazuchi Slam [Essentially the Rock Bottom].
     Austin pulls the clearly dazed Tuxedo Hercules to his feet and
whips him towards the ropes. Takei stands in the way and
intercepts, grabbing him by the arm and using his hardsuit's
super-strength to simply fling him over the ropes in a judo flip.
Hercules hits the floor hard and the bell rings for the victory.

WINNER: MICHAEL AUSTIN AND TAKEI OROCHI

     "And they've done it!" HG calls out. "Michael Austin and Takei
Orochi have both won places in the AAA Intercontinetal Title
Championship!"
     "Seems that Austin is a might bit miffed about Husthar getting
thrown out by Takei though" Roy adds, noting the shouting match
that is beginning in the ring between the two of them.
     "Sadly we've come to the end of another fight scene." HG said
as Austin and Takei began fighting in the background. "I'd like to
thank all our fighters here tonight - Nightman, Captain Universe,
Rebecca Bartley Michael-" Michael, flung over the ropes, crashes
into the commentator's desk "Austin, Darrien Brell, Locke
Sommerville, Darkwind, Kyrind Brandford, Takei Orochi, Tuxedo
Shades, Tuxedo Righteous, Flying Cape Boy and the guy from BGC
Wars. I'd also like to thank Bert Van Millet, Kathy and the Mystery
Tourist Lady, as well as our Security keeping things under control.
And finally," he added as the two security troops leapt into the
ring to break up the fight between the two avatars, "I'd like to
thank you the audience, weather you're at home on the flop and
fiddle or here in Torgo's Thighmaster! So take them out and bang
them and bang them good and hard and we'll see you next Fight
Scene!"


Editor's notes.

     Thanks very much to Alicia Ashby and Tim McLees for letting us
do the AAA IC competition (Coming soon to a web page near you.). As
you can see from the Elmer Rumble above, the competition is looking
fierce.
     Thanks also to Captain Bungie for writing the Austin/Rebecca
fight. Now before you go "Since when did Rebecca become an
avatar?!" I suggest you take a look at the Mystery Tourist Lady who
slugged Husthar out. Seem familiar?