Zoom across the Medieval German landscape, above thick forests and river valleys. Soon, a castle comes into view, with large banners proudly displaying Eagle crests. Pan over the castle, to show a large courtyard with a ring in the middle, and a large crowd in attendance. Superimpose across the screen "NIGHT OF THE WEENIES" and hold it for a while. Then remove the title and cut to the commentator's desk where Roy Slaven and HG Neslon are seated in their usual dinner suits. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this special Saturday night of pure biffo," Roy begins. "Where too much violence is never enough. I'm Roy Slaven and this is HG Nelson." "Yes, thank you, Roy," HG continues. "Tonight the Night of the Weenies is coming to you live from Issei Mataloun's Closet here in the Castle Ostenburg where too much violence will be not enough." "So what do we have for the public at home on the flop and fiddle or here in the Closet tonight, HG?" "Well tonight we have a different line up for AAA." HG announces. "Rather than avatars biffing each other, we will be featuring a number of fights between various Author-Created fanfic characters" "That's right. For starters, we've got a fight between two Teknomen and a tag-team of two of Fandom's meanest thugs. After that, we've got a fight between two claimants for the title of 'Sailor Earth'" "Could get messy there, Roy" HG comments. "I wonder if we'll see much outfit-tearing" "Could be something to watch for" Roy Replies. "After that, we have two one on ones - A shapeshifter against a Boomer, and a Transformer against a... well... large robot cat. And finally we're going to be finishing it off with a fight between two groups of Negaverse boofs who are trying to see who's the top banana." "Thank you Roy!" HG exclaims. "And to make sure things don't get too out of hand we have our local security experts on hand" Cut up to one wall of the castle. There is a tall man with long, blonde hair wearing plate armour and carrying a huge two-handed sword. Next to him is an even bigger, heavily muscled man wearing shorts, thick boots and a Styracosaurus skull on his head. He is carrying a massive battleaxe and is waving at the camera. Cut back to the commentator's desk. "Let's hope they do a better job than last time." Roy ads. "And without any further ado, could you get them out and bang them together until they're a bloody red mess for our first match!" The horrendously loud opening chords of "Born to be Wild" blare up over the speakers as two bulky, armoured figures easily recognizable as Teknomen stride down from the entrance ramp. The first up, Rift, stands a fraction taller than two meters yet is very broad. His armour is predominantly grey, with a blue breastplate, shoulder pads and shin guards and sports a three-spiked crest on his visored helmet. The second, Zarr, is notably taller than his companion and slenderer as well. His armour is a menacing gunmetal colour, highlighted with crimson streaks on the abdomen, shins, forearms and waist guards. His helmet sports two separate eyeslits and a single horn jutting out of his forehead. They stride down seriously, ignoring the crowd and climb into the ring, standing near the center, surveying the crowd. "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Young, Dumb and Ugly" immediately begins playing as the lights darken and the huge screen comes to life. On it are scenes of a tall and regal looking man - Hortense, the Evil Guy from Another Dimension - battling the Sailor scouts in his own unique way which includes playing bad music at them and letting dead allies take hits meant for him. The scene changes to a desert wasteland where a tall, muscular and long-haired man glares at the camera, delivering his own rendition of the Corporate Eyebrow. He proclaims "I am Kim Zee! I am a master of Jet-Kwon-Do and those two freaks will die in that ring like the 96 others I have killed!" He throws back his head and lets out a maniacal laugh. Groups of fans are seen to be cheering, holding signs reading "Zee666," "WA-TAK!" and "Ooohhh!" The image fades out, the music dies and the lights come back on... with no sign of Young, Dumb & Ugly. As Rift and Zarr await their opponents, Hortense suddenly appears in mid-air over the ring. He immediately fires a blast of black energy at Zarr, sending him sprawling to the edge of the ring. Rift draws his axe out of subspace and takes to the air. Kim Zee runs in from the dressing rooms and the bell finally tolls for the start of the match. POWER MATCH: YOUNG, DUMB & UGLY [Hortense & Kim Zee] VS BRUISE BROTHERS [Teknoman Rift & Teknoman Zarr] Rift immediately charges in with his axe, swinging directly at Hortense who brings up an energy shield to block the blow but shudders back form the impact. Rift rings a few more blows against Hortense's shield then thrusts backwards, seemingly waiting for something. Hortense takes this opportunity to send a black energy blast at Rift. He immediately thrust to the right, easily avoiding it, and hurls his axe at Hortense. To slow to erect his shield, Hortense ducks low and is rewarded with only partial success - the whirling shaft of the axe strikes his shoulder and knocks him from the air. Hortense crashes to the ground outside the ring, close to the commentator's desk. "That's a might close for comfort there, HG" Roy exclaims as Hortense moans in front of them "I dunno. A good bowel-loosener every now and then is good for you" HG comments. "I could use a few prunes about now..." Rift lands near him and stands back, waiting for Hortense to rise. As his opponent stands and turns towards him, Rift kicks at the ground, splashing sand in Hortense's face. Hortense reels back, covering his eyes and letting out a strangled cry of pain. "Low blow" Roy notes. "Cheap shot" HG replies. "Allowed and encouraged" they both add. Rift approaches from behind and grabs Hortense around the chest, bodily flipping him over and piledriving him into the courtyard. Rift stands, leaving Hortense to roll on the floor, still clutching at his face. Mercilessly, Rift stomps on his opponent's chest a few times, then picks him up by his shoulders and literally throws him into the ring. Rift leaps up, over the ropes and lands by Hortense as he weakly gets to his feet. Rift grabs the Evil Guy, then hefts him up and drops him backwards in a perfectly executed suplex. Surprisingly enough, Rift simply stays prone, apparently gasping for breath. He doesn't move as Hortense weakly struggles to his feet and makes his way over to the turnbuckle to Tag Kim Zee. "What's going on here Roy?!" HG calls out loud at Rift's predicament. "One minute he's on top of it all and then... Deader then President Soharto's political future!" "I'm not sure HG, but it looks like Zee's moving in for the kill. We might see some good, old fashioned violence out of this." Kim immediately dashes over to where Rift is finally standing, grabs him around the neck and drops him to the mat in a DDT. As Kim stands, Rift rolls away and tags his partner Zarr. Kim immediately runs to their corner, Kicking Rift as he retreats from the ring only to be answered with a jab from Zarr. Kim backs off under a flurry of blows from Zarr, none of them having any effect. Kim interrupts him with a sudden knee jab to Zarr's midsection, then delivers a hard elbow to the Teknoman's face. Kim, then grabs his opponents arm and Irish Whips him into the ropes, knocking him down with skilfully executed spinning kick to the head. "A might brutal there by Kim" HG notes. "I love it!" "Hopefully the whole night will see this kind of slaughter going on," Roy adds. "Plenty of fun for the whole family." Kim drops on Zarr for the pin, but only manages a two count. As Kim Zee stands, the Teknoman rolls away from him and leaps to his feet. Kim Zee circles his opponent, waiting to see what he does. Zarr draws his spear-like Teknolance out of subspace and immediately charges at Kim Zee, coming in with a horizontal sweep that Kim Zee barely avoids. Zarr swings the lance again, lower this time, forcing Kim Zee to leap back in order to avoid the weapon. Zarr sweeps again, lunging forwards to try and hit Kim Zee who athletically back flips away from him. Even with his opponent out of reach, Zarr keeps swinging his lance, each stroke being slower than the previous. Kim Zee stands back, watching as Zarr grows visibly weaker and pants for breath. "What's with these two?!" HG calls out. "They're dying like pigs on a hunt!" Roy exclaims. "This is incredible!" Kim Zee grins as Zarr finally stops swinging to simply stand hunched over, gasping for breath. Kim lets out a loud "Ooohhh!" as a red glow rises around him. "That's some BO there, HG" Roy notes. He then dashes forwards, his aura lifting him off the ground and sending him straight towards Zarr. With a loud "Wa ta ta Zeewa ZeweeE! wa ta eee!" Kim Zee impacts against Zarr, sending him flying backwards into the ropes. Zarr reverberates off, collapses and Kim pins him for an easy victory. WINNER: YOUNG DUMB AND UGLY Rift heads into the ring as Kim Zee and Hortense prance around, working the crowd and cheering for themselves. Rift helps his colleague up and the two of them limp off to the dressing rooms. "A bit of a disappointment there from those two." HG comments. "Right now, we're gonna cross live to Turps in the dressing room to see if we can find out what went wrong." In the dressing room, a middle-aged man with a bushy brown moustache and a full head of thick brown hair stood with a huge Teknoman, black in colour with a crested helmet and a flowing cape. "So," Turps began, "you must be rather disappointed with your boy's performance." "Not really," the Teknoman Warlord Hellraiser boomed out. "They gave it their best in that ring, and I couldn't have hoped for any more." "But what about the result? What happened in there?" Turps asked him. "Well," Hellraiser began, "The problem is that the fight lasted for a bit longer than we're used to. The thing is, My boys and I usually defeat our opponents in two or three sentences, tops." Turps turned back to the camera with a rather surprised look on his face. "Well, folks, there you have it," he said. "The dangers of Koopaism. Back to you, Roy and H.G." [Ads - AAA the game for your Sony PlayStoat or Nuntendo 6.4] "And welcome back folks for our second match!" Roy called out to the excited crowd. "Indeed Roy! This is a very interesting match for an interesting title!" HG Called out. "Tonight, two fan made Sailor Scouts will be slugging it out for the title of 'Sailor Earth'" "That's right! And it's gonna be a fierce battle here between a favourite from the Thinker Dub Lab and a newcomer from a Multi-Authour fic," Roy notes. "But I love the idea of two girls in short skirts fighting it out." The chitzy American "Sailor Moon" theme cues up as two young girls enter the courtyard. Leading the way is a girl of about fourteen, average height for her age with knee-length black hair and a serious expression on her face. She wears a standard Sailor Scout outfit with brown bows and skirt. Following her, cheering with the crowd and waving her hands in the air is a thirteen year- old girl, clearly and older Rini with the same distinctive hairstyle, only this time her hair is dark green in colour. She also wears a scout uniform, this one has a black skirt and light blue bows. Rini stays by the steps into the ring as Celeste makes her way into the ring and stands in her corner, waiting. "And just entering now we have the Multi-Author Scout Sailor Earth, called Celeste accompanied by her sister, Sailor Time" HG comments. "What do we know about her?" "Well, it seems that Sailor Earth is Sailor Moon's second daughter who was hurled into the past or the future or something by Rubeus," Roy read off in a rather confused voice. "And Sailor Time?" "Er.. Well she's the little pink-haired fre-" Roy paused "er... Rini grown up." He paused again. "And apparently going through a 'dark' phase" The "Sailor stars" theme cues up to thunderous cheering from the crowd. Two more scouts emerge from the dressing rooms, followed by the well-known figure of Lord Thinker and a white cat. The first of the girls has long blond hair and is wearing scout uniform with yellow bows and a yellow skirt. The second has short brown hair and the skirt and bows on her outfit are a plain black. When they get to the side of the ring, Lord Thinker, the blond scout and the white cat all encourage the brunette as she climbs into the ring. "These two are Dr. Thinker's own alternate scouts, trained up by the big Lord T. himself," Roy stated. "Clambering into the ring for the biffo is Jenny, or rather Sailor Earth." "And accompanying her is her team leader Sarah, aka Sailor Sun and their guardian cat, Orion." H.G. added. FAN-MADE SCOUT BATTLE: SAILOR EARTH (with Sailor Sun) VS SAILOR EARTH (with Sailor Time) The bell rings and Celeste immediately charges her attack. Calling out "Earth Spirit Bomb!" she unleashes a burst of brown energy towards Jenny. She dives out of the way, leaving the blast to slam into her partner, Sailor Sun. Jenny looks back, horrified, but sees that Sarah is allright, although stunned. The call of a second spirit bomb brings her attention back to the battle, and she barely leaps out of the way to dodge the blast. "Oooh... Looks like Sun copped a bit of a hard one there" HG observed. "Truy. It's one of the problems with matches between energy throwers - the collateral damage," Roy replied, noting the damage being done to the ring. "But it's lots of fun for the kiddies. And besides, whare's the fun when there's not a little danger involved? Some good old blood and violence for the whole family" HG added. Jenny immediately charges at Celeste, hitting her opponent with a clothesline and knocking her down. Celeste rolls out of the way as Jenny tries an elbow drop, then leaps to her feet. She lashes out with a kick at the still prone Jenny, catching her in the stomach, then lifting her to her feet. Celeste then Irish whips Jenny, but Jenny recovers quickly enough to reverse it and slam her adversary back first into the turnbuckle. Slamming her fist to the ground, Jenny calls out "Earth Quake!" The ring shakes and bursts underneath Celeste, throwing her into the air for her to slam into the courtyard ground. Jenny turned back to her partner, smiling. "Hey," she called out, "looks like we GROUNDED her!!!" "Bad joke!" Sarah called back. Jenny athletically vaults out of the ring to face Celeste who is now standing rather woozily. Jenny begins chopping at her, striking Celeste's shoulders and chest. Celeste quickly brings her arms up to block, then surges forwards, shoving Jenny back. With her opponent off-balance, she calls out "Earth Kao Attack!" and promptly kicks Jenny in the stomach, sending her flying back into the barrier in front of the audience. "Ground that," she adds, stalking towards her opponent. On the other side of the ring, Sarah looks worriedly at Lord Thinker. He merely shakes his head and puts a hand on his protege's shoulder, saying "There's nothing you can do for now." Celeste starts kicking her downed opponent, stopping only when the robo-ref calls her back and orders both of them into the ring. "Good call there by the Ref" Roy commented. "I don't know." HG replied. "It could be fun to see them beat each other up right here in front of us. A bit of blood, a bit of guts, it's all good clean fun." "Right up there with Pig-Hunting" Roy added. "I haven't done that in a while..." Celeste immediately rolls in, then waits by the ropes as Jenny gets to her feet. Jenny rolls into the ring by Celeste's feet, who immediately reaches down, grabs her arm and yanks Jenny to her feet. Twisting around, she gets her fellow Sailor Earth in an arm lock, but strangely holding her in place. "Looks like something a might tooly is going on here" HG noted, wondering what might happen next. Jenny leans forwards, bringing her arms up in an attempt to throw her opponent, but Celeste immediately lets go and steps aside. As Jenny spins around, a call of "Time's Arrow!" rings out across the stadium, and Sailor time, Celeste's partner, sends a bolt or purple energy into Jenny. Thrown into he ropes by the attack, Jenny reverberates off and collapses to the ground, clutching her side. Sailor Time strolls into the ring, cheering on her sister as she drops onto Jenny for the pin. The robo-ref counts to 2 before Celeste is thrown of by a blast of energy from Sailor Sun! "Hey, she'll be seeing sun-spots!" Sarah calls out, leaping into the ring. "Bad joke!" Jenny replies as she climbs to her feet. The four face off for an instant, then charge across the ring at each other. Rini ducks under Sarah's outstretched arm and the two ran past each other, reverberating off the ropes and come back for another charge. This time, Rini goes for the clothesline but Sarah baseball-slides past her legs, hooking an arm around Rini's ankles to topple her over. "You know Roy", HG casually said, "I could like this match" "True HG." Roy Replied. "I think there's something there to appeal to the blokes in the audience when you have four young ladies in short, skimpy skirts grabbing at each other." He smiled, noting the way that Sarah was sliding towards the commentator's desk. Meanwhile, Celeste runs at Jenny, calling out "Earth Kao-" but is cut off as Jenny slugs in the guts with a hard right. She then grabs Celeste's arm and tosses her over her shoulder, slamming her down onto the mat. Jenny and Sarah nod to each other as Celeste and Rini stand, and step back together to one corner of the ring. "Let's go for it!" Jenny calls out. "Ok!" Sarah responded. Jenny held her left hand up, palm facing Sarah. Sarah responded by placing her right palm in Jenny's. "Uh-oh... What's going on here?" HG inquired. "I'm not too up on this scout business, but it could be that they're trying to combine their powers" Roy replied. "So the end result...?" "Probably one huge blast that'll rip the lovely ladies a couple of new dates each," Roy noted with a small degree of smugness. The two of them simultaneously shouted "VOLCANO!" while slamming their free hands down on the mat. An ominous rumbling sound filled the arena, and Rini barely had time to mutter an "Uh-oh..." before the ground below the mat erupted, sending huge boulders hurtling into the air and ripping through the canvas beneath their feet. This was quickly followed by a sudden burst of magma, not so much burning as blasting the two sister scouts into the air, then suddenly settling down again. Rini landed hard in the courtyard but Celeste came to rest perched on a remaining corner of canvas, barely conscious. Sarah climbed out of the ring as Jenny ran over to Celeste and made an easy pin on the dazed scout. WINNER: SAILOR EARTH (Jenny) "There you have it folks!" HG proclaimed, shouting into the mike. "A stunning victory by the Thinker Girls for the title of 'Sailor Earth!'" "Indeed, HG. A rather spectacular finish there. Especially the way they ripped up the ring". Roy noted with a hint of amusement. "Too right. And we'll be back in just a minute. With a new match and a new ring." [Ads. Beer brand Beer] "Welcome back to the Closet, sports fans." HG announced "And if you've just joined us then you're in time for our third match. And what do we have on now, Roy?" "Thanks HG." Roy replied. "Now we've got a fight between two BGC weenies. Kathy Thomas, who is a shapeshifter and ADP officer and Hubert the... er... Reluctant Buma" "Don't you mean Boomer, Roy?" HG asked. "No, apperently he's not a Boomer because..." Roy paused "He doesn't travel underwater, and does not contain ICBMs" "Makes perfect sense" HG replied. The opening theme from the Batman animated series cues up as Kathy and DarkWind stride down to the ring in their fighting forms. Kathy jumps into the ring, and DarkWind waits outside. "These two are extremity powerful shapeshifters who have augmented themselves with cybernetic armour and weapons in their fighting forms. Apparently their ancestors gained their powers from a plot contrivance comet," Roy noted. "Many of you will remember Kathy's little guest appearance at Festival of the Boot last week," HG ads. The screen replays Kathy's dramatic leap into the ring and her yelling match with DarkWind. "They seem to have sorted out their differences now." The opening theme to Bubblegum Crash plays over the speakers (To a hail of boos from Mike Surbrook) as... nothing happens. "Looks like Hubert's doing a no-show." Roy notes. "Kathy may end up winning this one by default." "It'd be about the first time in her life that she's ever done anything right," HG replies. "No, wait, we do seem to have some movement up there!" The opening theme to BGCrash re-starts as Hubert is alternately pushed, pulled and dragged down to the ring by a small girl (about eight or ten) with red hair. He gets down to the ring and immediately tries to run off, only to be stoped by the girl holding him back. DarkWind walks over to the two of them, only to be greeted by an evil glare from the Girl. He slowly shuffles back to his place by the ring. "Looks like this will be an interesting match." HG notes. BGC SPECIAL MATCH: KATHY (Shapeshifter) VS HUBERT (The reluctant boomer) The bell rings and Kathy immediately assumes a defensive position. This proves to be redundant, as Hubert is still outside the ring and clearly intends to stay that way. "There seems to be some problem here" Roy notes. "Indeed, Roy. Let's see if we can get a mike over there so we can pry into the goings on" A Cyber-Bee buzzes over to where Hubert is, to find him arguing with his manager. "But I don't want to!" the boomer whined. "Why not?" the girl argued. "What's the problem?" "I just don't want to hurt people!" the boomer cried out. "If I go in there, I'll hurt her!" "No-body's going to get hurt!" the girl yelled back. "It's pro wrestling! No-one ever gets hurt!" "But those girls looked like they hurt each other!" "Well.." the girl paused, deep in thought. "Hey you!" Kathy cried out over the edge of the ring. "Are you going to get in here or do I call the Robo-Ref to disqualify you!" "I hate to sound like I'm agreeing with Kathy" Roy said "But if something doesn't happen soon, the crowd will turn very ugly." "Well... You're a boomer!" the girl suddenly called out, ignoring Kathy. "You're bigger, tougher, stronger, faster and smarter than her! There's no way you can loose!" "Yeah you big heap of trash!" Kathy called out. "So are you gonna get in here?" "Are you gonna let her insult you like that?" The girl yelled at Hubert. "Yes!" the Boomer replied. "That does it!" Kathy yelled out. "I'm calling the ref!" "Get in there you heap of junk!" The girl yelled. "Or else I'll cry!" "No no! I'll do it!" Hubert yelled out, clambering into the ring. He and Kathy faced off, Kathy leaping around in a boxing stance, stabbing out with her fists. Hubert simply replied by punching her in the face. She fell right over. "Oh my god! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Hubert cried out. "I'm so very, very sorry!" he wailed as the Robo-Ref came in, checked Kathy and then declared Hubert the winner. WINNER: HUBERT "Bit of an upset match, that" Roy noted. "Indeed, Roy." HG commented "But enough of that. It's time for our next match!" "And tonight, we've got two robots slugging at each other." Green Day's "Basket Case" - The theme of Negative Zero - Cued up over the speakers. "In fact, it sounds like our first competitor is entering now." Acid Rain strides down the ramp, grinning like an idiot and waving to the crowd. Behind her is Eleven, contrived down to seven feet tall. He seems to be somewhat less than impressed by Acid's behaviour, and is remaining quiet. Acid leaps into the ring and grabs the Robo-Ref's mike. "I love you all, Acid Fans!" She yells out into a cheering crowd. "And tonight, this Kitty is toast!". Eleven stays by the ring, looking slightly apprehensive. "She's obviously enjoying this." Roy comments, observing the crowd. "Yeah. But he isn't" HG adds, pointing out Eleven. "You think he might make things difficult for Digital?" "Don't think so, HG" Roy replies. "Eleven seems to be the kind of bloke who would stick by the rules of this ring" "Mechanical Man" from the Command and Conquer soundtrack cues up as Digital Cat walks into the arena. Unlike Acid, he seems to be totally ignoring the crowd and their cheers. He quietly climbs into the ring, and assumes a fighting stance. "Looks like Digital isn't much of a crowd-player." HG comments. "In fact, he seemed to make Acid look like a bit of a fool there." "Seems to be that way. I suspect that there'll be a couple of heads being shook back at home" Roy Replies. "And now, will you take them out and bang them together until they're broken apart for our fourth match!" DIGITAL DEMOLITION MATCH - ACID RAIN VS DIGITAL CAT As the bell rings Acid leaps at Digital cat with a flurry of high speed punches to the head and arms. Surprisingly, Digital Cat effortlessly blocks every single punch. While still blocking Acid, he replies to her attack with a knee-kick right to Acid's midsection. As Acid doubles over, he grabs her shoulders and hefts her over his head and onto the mat. Digital dives for a pin, but Acid rolls out of his way. "Digital's getting a might brutal this early in the match" HG comments as Digital tries for another grab. "Well, we don't want to disappoint the audience. They paid to see a bit of carnage" Roy adds. Acid leaps back from another grab attack, and delivers a swift foot into Digital Cat's face. Surprisingly, the kick seemed to have no visible effect on him. Acid, looking worried, tried for a second kick. Like the first, this one seemed to have no effect. "That's one hell of a tough cat there" Roy noted. "I could use a man like him for the Lithgow Shamrocks" "Robot, Roy" HG comments. "Ah... they'd probably allow it." Roy replied. "I think we should try making up a whole team of nothing but Avatars." "Could be interesting. Of course, a whole team of Avatars could just end up arguing with each other all through the match" Acid, now really desperate, tried for the all out attack. She leapt away from Digital Cat, and bounced off against the ropes. She then sprang forwards, activating her jets as she went, and slamming into Digital, sending the pair of them sprawling. As Digital struggled to recover, Acid leapt up and onto him, trying for a pin. The Robo-Ref got to two before Digital kicked out. As he got up, Acid grabbed Digital and slammed her knee into his face, twice. "Surprising comeback there from Acid" Roy commented. "She's getting a might brutal there, Roy" HG replied. "Not that I'm complaining." "Indeed, HG. Where's the fun if there isn't a bit of brutal violence every now and then?" After a third knee to the face, Digital was able to break Acid's grab. He replied to her attacks with a few swift punches of his own, hitting her in the chest and mid section. As she was reeling from the assault, Digital pulled off a leaping kick to the face, sending Acid to the floor. Digital leapt at her for the pin, only to have Acid plant both feet in his face as she leapt up again. "Boot to the head!" both Roy and HG called out in excitement. "Looks like Acid's really coming back here!" HG called out. Digital staggered back from the hit, only to be grabbed by Acid and thrown down - hard - to the mat. As she dove at him for the pin, he rolled out of the way and leapt back. And then pulled out the Ginsu sword. "Looks like things are going to get a might rough around here, Roy" HG noted. Digital ran at Acid, sword out in front, in an attempt to run her through. Acid managed to roll out of the way of him at the last minute. Digital stopped and gracefully turned, trying to get another swipe at Acid. She in turn leapt backwards, firing her thrusters, and launching several acid bombs. "And Acid's out with the Acid Bombs! This is going to get very messy here folks" Roy yelled, obviously excited. "A couple of those could do anyone an injury" HG added. "I love it!" Digital leapt out of the way of the acid bombs, which hit the ring and sizzled. He tried to fly at Acid, but had to call off the attack as another volley of bombs came at him. He stood back, preparing for the next volley, only to get Acid full in the face instead. The two of them rolled across the damaged ring, with Digital unexpectedly reversing the collision into a pin on Acid. Acid remained down for two, then kicked out and leapt away from Digital. Acid sent another volley of bombs flying at Digital. Digital tried to parry them with his Ginsu sword to mixed results. While he remained unharmed, the Ginsu sword dissolved into an unsightly mess on the ring. Acid took advantage of Digital's disarmament by launching herself off the ropes at him. "That might be a bad move" HG noted. "Why?" Roy asked. "He's lost the sword! He's as good as gone!" "Digital still has a trick or two up his date" HG replied as Digital pulled out his huge mace, and rather brutally intercepted acid with it. "That ought to leave a mark." Roy commented, impressed by the way the mace sent Acid flying across the ring. "Good thing she's not human. Otherwise there may be a bit of bowel movement there" HG replied as Digital leapt at Acid, hitting her in the midsection, and again, across the forehead. Acid staggered, and tried to hit him back with a couple of punches, only to be blocked by the mace. Digital then swept low and knocked her knees out from underneath her, and dropped for a pin. The Robo-Ref counted to three, and the match was over. WINNER: DIGITAL CAT "And the winner is Digital Cat!" Roy called out. "By rather brutal use of mace and other implements!" "A great match for the Kiddies" HG replied. Digital strode into the middle of the ring and looked around at the crowd, and then simply flew off. A worried looking Eleven clambered into the ring to help Acid Rain up and out of the ring. "We'll be back after this for our last match of the night" HG yelled out. "Where some of the Negaverses's meanest will be hitting each other with the old biffo to see who is the baddest of the bad." [Ads: AAA action figures] "Welcome back here to the Closet for tonight's final match!" Roy calls out to the mike. "And in the finest traditions of Pro Wrestling, we've saved the best until last," HG continues. "For coming up next we have a battle between four Negaverse Villains to see who's the best at Bad." "That's right HG. We've got the 'Princes of the Negaverse', Carbonite and Halite, a pair of very powerful generals." "They any good?" "Bloody oath yes. They were only done in by plot contrivances!" Roy Exclaims. "They're going up against 'Dark Forces', a pairing of Rubeus's sister Garnetia and her borther's number one lackey, the unkillable mist-monster Mistan" The special "Princes of the Negaverse" version of Queen's "Princes of the Universe" fills the castle to thunderous cheers from the audience. Fireworks burst all arouns the entrance and out stride Carbonite and Halite, a par of tall young men dressed in grey jackets and trousers. Carbonite sports short hair and a long cape, whereas his brother halite has long pale hair. They stride down to the ring, smiling, and stop by the apron. Carbonite turns around to face the audience and thrusts his right hand into the air, the response being nothing short of the crowd going wild. They both climb into the ring and Halite walks around the ring, right arm raised and cheering with the crowd as Carbonite stands in the center of the ring, arms folded and smiling. "It seems that we've got definite crowd favourites here!" Roy calls out. "Carbonite should be unstoppable without his guards around" HG replies. The eerie "Jenova" track from FF7 cues up as the second team makes their way in. Striding down the ramp come a mismatched pair - the first a tall, attractive woman with long red hair and a black crescent moon emblazoned on her forehead. She wears black trousers and a tight sleeveless black top. The second is a totally black mist-like creature in a vaguely female form with no facial features save for a slit for a mouth and two narrow eyes. They enter the ring in total silence, accompanied by boos from the crowd. Once in the ring they face each other. The creature, Mistan, lashes out and punches the woman, Garnetia in the jaw. She seems to ignore it, but they both nod. "Looks like these two might not have been the best choice of team" Roy notes. "Indeed HG. But enough of that. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, whether you're here in the closet or at home on the flop and fiddle get them out and bang them together until they're just bloody stumps for our final match! NEGAVERSE MATCH: DARK FORCES [Garentia and Mistan] VS PRINCES OF THE NEGAVERSE [Carbonite & Halite] The bell rings and Garentia and Halite both slide out of the ring. Carbonite and Mistan begin circling each other, stalking around the edges of the ring. Suddenly, Carbonite opens the fight by sending a wave of black energy hurtling towards his foe. Mistan dissipates around the incoming attack, reforming a split second later after it passed through her. She bares her claws and rushes at Carbonite, closing as he recovers from the shock of his attack's failure. "Interesting move there by Mistan" Roy comments. "Could be of some help in a scrum situation. Just whip in there and grab the ball" Mistan rips into Carbonite's shoulder, leaving him to stagger back and clutch it in pain. She advances again and slashes repeatedly with her claws, each stroke being deftly avoided by the negaverse general. She finished up with an energy blast of her own, sending him stumbling back. Grinning, Mistan holds her right clawed hand back for a second, then lunges forwards. Carbonite dodges to the side at the last minute and grabs her outstretched arm, flipping her over in a Judo throw. "Nice reversal there by Carbonite" HG comments. "This guys about as slick as a goanna in the shorts" Mistan almost immediately leaps to her feet as Carbonite backs off, not ready to make the mistake of letting her get close again. Instead he fires off a weak, one-handed blast at her that she easily dodges. A second and third similar blast follow, yet Mistan dashes to the right of each one, backing herself towards the turnbuckle. "What's going on here? Carbonit's holding back like nothing else!" HG calls out. "Maybe that shoulder hit got him worse than we thought" Roy notes. Carbonite grins, setting Mistan off-guard. Suddenly, Halite grabs her from behind in an arm lock around the turnbuckle, holding her there for a second as Carbonite charges up a powerful blast. He releases it with a yell, sending the shot hurtling at Mistan. Halite lets go at the right instant, clearing the way as Mistan is slammed hard into the turnbuckle by the blast and slumps to the ground. "Nice move there by Carby! They must have worked that one out well in advance" HG calls out. "Nothing like a little advanced planning. Know your enemy then know how to kill him" Roy adds, grinning. Carbonite circles her as she recovers, once again gaining distance. Just then Halite calls out a warning, just too late as Garnetia leaps into the ring, smashing into the back of Carbonite's head with a straight lariat. "Sneak attack there by Garnita!" HG calls out. "Looks like the Princes aren't the only dirty players in this fight!" "What can we say?" Roy adds. "They're all bad guys!" He drops to his knees, clutching his head, leaving her to deliver a series of vicious kicks to his midsection. Halite flings a blast of crimson energy at her that she barely dodges; Carbonite takes this opportunity to scamper over to his partner for the tag. Upon entering the ring, Halite immediately starts pounding at the still-dazed Mistan, pummelling her chest and head with a series of vicious blows. Backing her towards the ropes, he breaks his assault to grab her in an Irish whip to the other side of the ring, then runs into the ropes himself. The two reverberate of the opposite sides of the ring, and Halite clotheslines the still dazed monster, dropping her to the ground. He goes for the pin, holding her leg up, but barely manages a two count before she gets an elbow up. Halite stands and backs off, then draws his sabre bringing it down towards Mistan as she stands. In a flash of light, Garnetia appears before him, her own dark blade drawn and blocking his blow. She reaches her free hand back for Mistan to tag, which she does and quickly heads for the ropes. "Quick tag by Garnitia" HG calls out. "It's far from over yet." "Looks like lots of good, honest bloodshed before this one's over, HG" Roy adds. The two combatants left in the ring back off, then both lunge at each other, weapons locking. They push against each other for a second then break off, Halite returning with a forward sweep as Garnetia ducks low and kicks his legs out from beneath him. She then starts stabbing at the ground, barely missing as Halite rolls away and leaps to his feet. Standing back, he shifts his sabre to his left hand and raises his right behind him. Calling out "Crimson Slayer," he unleashes a huge energy blast at Garnetia, who barely manages to block it with her barrier spell. He sneers and begins charging another one. Garnetia interrupts by hurling a dagger at him, burying the blade in his shoulder. The spell Halite was forming dissipates as he clutches his shoulder in pain. "Dirty fighting. You gotta love it" HG notes, grinning. Garnetia then gestures, sending a blot of lightning into the dagger, acting as a conductor, sending the electricity coursing through his body. Halite gasps in pain and collapses to the ground. Garnetia grins at her fallen opponent, and begins striding towards him. Suddenly, Mistan dashes past her from behind, tagging Garnetia as she went. As Garentia stands confused, Mistan snarls at her and drops onto Halite making for a pin. The robo-ref counts "1...2..." Before he can reach the 3 count, Garnetria raises her right hand and snaps her fingers. In a swirl of energy, Mistan dissipates, being torn apart by Garnetia's spell. As she vanishes, she yells out "I'll get you when I come back to life!" "Blowing up your partner? Isn't that a bit extreme?" Roy enquires. "Well, that critter's known for coming back from anything, weather the writers like it or not." Garnetia smiles wickedly, then finally approaches Halite herself. He stands to face her, seemingly rejuvenated and smiles as he looks over her shoulder. Garnetia spins, shocked, to see Carbonite climbing into the ring. He begins charging an energy blast, stating "That was your final mistake." Halite also begins charging his own crimson blast, and the pair unleashes them on her simultaneously. Pushing her skills to the limit, she teleports away from the center of the ring where the two blasts meet an instant later, cancelling each other out. She reappears next to Halite, swinging with her dark sword but he is prepared for her, blocking her blow and lashing out with a foot, sending her staggering back. Carbonite grabs her shoulder from behind, spinning her to face him and punches her square in the jaw, staggering her back into the Trunbuckle. The two brothers stand back and simultaneously loose energy blasts at her, slamming her against the turnbuckle again, tossing her about like a rag doll and letting her drop to the mat. Halite tags his brother who walks over and simply drops on top of his opponent for the victory pin. WINNER: PRINCES OF THE NEGAVERSE "And a devastating victory for the Princes!" HG calls out. Carbonite and Halite both congratulate each other then raise their hands to the crowd. The croads cheers wildly in response. As the princes make their way out of the ring, Mistan suddenly swirls into existance in front of Ganetia's prone form. "Just what did you think you were doing? I had the match one!" it screamed out at her, loud enough for practically all the arena to hear. Not even giving her erstwhile partner a chance to stand, Mistan lashes out and catches her in the stomach with a clawed foot. She then stomps on Garnetia a few times and backs off. As Garnetia finally rises, Mistan climbs to the top of the turnbuckle behind her, and delivers a powerful moonsault to the staggering sorceress. "Sadly we've come to the end of another fight scene." Roy said as Garnetia and Mistan continued fighting in the background. "I'd like to thank all our fighters here tonight - Rift, Zar, Kim Zee, Hortense, Sailor Earth, Sailor Sun, Sailor Time, Sailor Dirt, Kathy, Hubert, Acid Rain, Digital Cat, Halite, Carbonite, Garnitia and-" Mistan, flung over the ropes, crashes into the commentator's desk "Mistan. I'd also like to thank Hellraiser, Lord Thinker, DarkWind, Orion, Eleven and Hubert's manager, as well as our Security for stopping any run-ins. And finally," he added as the two security troops leapt into the ring to deal with the ongoing fight "I'd like to thank you the audience, weather you're at home on the flop and fiddle or here in Issei Mataloun's Closet! So take them out and bang them and bang them good and hard and we'll see you next Fight Scene!" NOTES For those of you who are confused, here's who comes from where. Rift, Zarr and Hellraiser - War Of The Past (Teknoman, Koopa) Kim Zee - Fist of the North Star '93 (ASCII comic) Hortense - The Evil Guy From Another Dimension (Sailor Moon) Sailor Earth, Sailor Sun and Orion - Neo-Scouts (Sailor Moon, Dr Thinker) Sailor Time, Sailor Earth, Garnitia, Mistan - Chaos In Time (Sailor Moon, Multi-Authour) Acid Rain - Negative Zero: Immigration (Transformers, Self-Insertion) Digital Cat - Digital Cat (Pizza Cats, Koopa) Hubert - The Reluctant Buma (BGC) Kathy - Bubblegum Shift (BGC, Self-Insertion) Carbonite and Halite - Project Timejumper (Sailor Moon) Roy Slaven, HG Nelson and Ian "Turps" Turpie - They're real, believe it or not.