All series references, music, people, character likenesses, backstories, props, and other materials in this fiction are owned by their respective creators and distributors, as well as anyone I forgot who stakes a claim. This fiction's original creations, such as story elements, characters, plot, and locations, however, while incorporating copyrighted materials, are (c) No Tomorrow Productions WARNING: Rated PG-15: get your parents out of the room Author Avatar Association in conjunction with No Tomorrow Productions presents: *AAA RAGE* FIRST TAPING DMX Stadium Space Station Lakita (in orbit of Rifts Earth) Continuity: After InterSlam Fight Scene #2. The cameras cut to the stadium abruptly from an introductory '3A: Attitude' spot. They went on to showcase the cheering crowd(cyborgs, anthromorphs, and humans), while Loudmouth's "Fly" blasted from the speakers, signaling the beginning of Author Avatar Arena's Rage Tour. DMX Stadium was outfitted with colosseum seatings, with the extra space around the ring and walkway also packed with seated fans. Then, said cameras faded in to the entrance rampway, finally resting on the ring...which had a steel cell, the type of cage popularized by 'Mankind' Mick Foley, hanging high above it ominously from the rafters. Soon, though, the focus was on the announcer's desk, where Jim Ross, Mike Tenay, and a human-sized turtle sat. "Hello, all, and welcome to the first annual televised 3A Rage Tour stop!" JR greeted the millions and millions watching at home. "I'm good old JR, along with Mike Tenay and...er..." Jim Ross found himself at a loss for words on how to describe their guest commentator, a turtle the size of a golf cart. Tenay, however, was now accustomed to picking up the conversation, and introduced their guest. "This is Jake, a respected member of Lakita's Town Council. He'll be announcing with us tonight." Jake chose that moment to speak, in surprisingly good english no less. "It's an honor to have you in our humble stadium, Mike. However, this arena has seen quite a bit of bloodshed, what with the hardcore Juicer Football matches and all...I wonder if the Author Avatar Association can possibly top the fatalities we've seen," Jake admitted. This was definitely not the comment the two AAA announcers had expected from Jake. However, as The Great Red Serpent's theme music started up, JR quickly changed the subject. "Well, ah, I'm sure our main event for the night will change your mind, Jake." Jake's reptilian face twisted into a smile, one that contained no malice and was also surprisingly human. "I sure hope so, Jim." "Hell-o, Senshi..." TGRS strode into the ring, wearing a sleeveless AWF t-shirt and extremely tight plastic shorts; the type of 'ball-huggers' that could be seen on such WWF wrestlers as Jeff Jarrett, Billy Gunn and Test. These, though, were bright red; as the native american man threw off his t-shirt towards the crowd, the see-through aspects of the tight shorts could be seen... "Eww!" Jim Ross spluttered as TGRS leapt to the turnbuckle and gyrated his barely covered privates towards a crowd that was predominantly booing, though some girls in the third row were screaming their lungs out in typical clueless fangirl fashion. "Yeah, it's the Serpent all right," Tenay sighed. Jake stared at the human with some astonishment. "I'm guessing that *that* isn't the type of hardcore you were promising, guys..." Moonlight Chris' ring music started as Chris ran up to the ring. "Hmm, Chris is decked out in jeans and a T-Shirt, just like in his appearance at Festival of the Boot...maybe this kid is making casual wear at house shows a habit," Jim Ross noted. "Yeah, he's probably only dressing up for the *big* shows," Jake answered. "Chris is showing his enmity towards the Serpent is still strong as he slides into the ring..." Moonlight Chris was very angry-looking indeed as he slid into the ring, never slowing as he neared TGRS, who was still strutting for the ladies. "Chris wasting no time as he pulls the Serpent back into a pump handle slam!" JR exclaimed. "Definitely a lot of bad blood between these two stemming from King of the Net. This could be quite a match, guys," Tenay announced. MATCH ONE: The Great Red Serpent VS. Moonlight Chris "The Serpent's pulling himself off of the floor, but Chris goes off the ropes-TGRS ducks a running clothesline a spilt-second before impact, he follows up with a clothesline of his own!" JR stated. "TGRS definitely putting the weight advantage to good use with that clothesline," Jake added.= "But Chris is already getting back up. Hard right hook from the Self-Proclaimed guardian of the Moon Kingdom...though I doubt the Crystal Millenium would appreciate that title," Tenay commented. "TGRS isn't going to take it lightly, though - Inverted Atomic Drop!" Jake announced. "But Chris just kicks back up and counters with a head-butt," JR countered. "Now Moonlight Chris is keeping the punches going, but TGRS pulls him into a massive overhead suplex! Chris is out of the ring!" JR exulted in astonishment as Chris was launched out of the ring, and landed on his *feet* - though he stumbled to the ground moments later. "The Serpent goes for a splash over the ropes that could end this - but Chris rolls out of the way! TGRS is stunned, to say the very least!" "Well, looks like things are about to get interesting," Jake smirked as Chris kicked at TGRS' prone form a few times, then pulled something out from under the ring...a table. Chris' first order of business was quite simple. He spun around and decked the Robo-Ref with the table like it was a huge fly-swatter, making sure that his revenge on The Great Red Serpent was uninterrupted. "Oh my goodness...where's security?" Jim Ross demanded. "I'll bet you anything the hold-up has something to do with Oscar, Jim," Tenay offered. The next thing Moonlight Chris did was stand up the table at ringside, while the crowd predominantly cheered, though a significant number were still booing(probably the ones who had actually read his fanfic). Chris turned to the Serpent, to pull the (other) Senshi Hentai onto the table. And was promptly met with a boot to the head. "The Serpent is back in the game!" Tenay shouted as TGRS worked Chris over, with a series of punches and backhands. "TGRS whips Chris into the ringpost - ouch!" JR had to admit, as he saw the boy's face and the metal pole make intimate contact, that the Serpent was now letting loose on him. "TGRS slides Chris back into the ring," Jake urgently reported. "He sets Chris up for the body slam-" "And throws Moonlight Chris over the turnbuckles! Right onto the table!" JR yelled over the roaring crowd. Moonlight Chris landed on the table hard - but it did not break, only bent the metal frame. So TGRS went to the top rope, and landed a somersault senton splash onto Chris' lap, just as the perv was beginning to stagger to his feet. The table fractured under the impact. "The table's *shattered*!" JR enthused whilst TGRS slid Chris into the ring yet again. "Body Slam into a pin by TGRS, and Chris is outta here." Indeed, the Robo-Ref had recovered from its injuries and was glad to count out the person which had caused it harm. One...Two...Three WINNER: The Great Red Serpent (Pin) "A quick, explosive end to our first match," Tenay finished. "No-wait, it's not over," Jake responded. "*What*?!" both commentators exclaimed. The Great Red Serpent was indeed not done. He ripped Chris' jeans off, which disgusted (most of) the watchers to no end. Then he went for Chris' shirt, and began to put Chris into an awfully odd looking leg lock... "Oh, yuck..." Jake protested in disgust as he finally realized what TGRS was doing. "My god...a Double Jock Lock...in front of all these people?!" Tenay exclaimed. "Jesus H. Christ, he's hogtyin' the kid in his own skivvies! This must be humiliating for Moonlight Chris!" JR commented disgustedly. "You've got to admit, JR, Chris *does* deserve this treatment, after all he's done to Soulstone and others," Jake responded. TGRS stood back once he was done, and picked up a mic from ringside. Chris was struggling, but his legs were pulled back into his Jockeys, like some demented version of a Boston Crab; his struggles only made it worse. Even more embarrassing was the fact that his hands were wrapped behind him as well as Chris lay on his belly and could only squirm; as he tried to free his hands, he only ended up showing the crowd quite a bit of buttock= (as well as inflicting a wedgie on himself). The audience responded accordingly. "Ouch!" Jake yelled, "Looks like we just crossed the TV-14 line!" The turtle was obviously enjoying himself; (He had read Tuxedo Chris' originating fanfic as well, and only regretted that Samantha Jones wasn't participating in this match). The Serpent, with a cheesy overconfident grin, started off with one of his speeches. "Now, ladies in the audience, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about which way the Great Red Serpent's *Great*, *Red*, *Serpent* points. Though I do worry about you, Chris, with that saiyan boy-toy of yours," the Serpent chortled lecherously. But whatever TGRS was going to say next was never spoken, for TGRS looked up, ran out of the ring, and disappeared into the crowd in order to escape both 3A security and Oscar; who flew into the ring, ignoring the Serpent, if only for a moment, to help his friend. "Dammit, why can't this sorta thing happen to Morrigan, or Soulstone, or something? I mean, it's just *dumb* with these sweaty dudes...need to get some chicks in here," Jake commented. He was, of course, ignored by the other announcers. "A *Double* *Jock* *Lock*," JR said in disbelief, as Chris was escorted out of the ring by Oscar and security. "I haven't seen one of those since - well, since high school...I mean, is that a *legal move*?" "The Serpent has definitely set the tone for their next encounter," Tenay agreed. "The Ladykillers are definitely against the Serpent now..." "Anyway, stay with us folks!" JR said as the camera cut to the announcer's table and the screaming sign-holding fans behind them. "We have a battle between two of the Triple-A's rising stars; Dark Starr and Ryot are set to duke it out in the ring." "And then, there's our main event: Flashman vs. Nav, in a *Hell-in-a-Cell* match." Tenay's announcement coincided with a major pop from the audience. Jake then took them to commercials, yelling over the screaming crowd. "We'll show you how that match was booked, right after this!" [COMMERCIAL AD] [BGM: Green Day, "Nice Guys Finish Last"] [Scene: The latest "sports entertainment" venue, WSL Rollerjam; there arena, as seen on The Nashville Network. If you've been lucky enough to have never seen this place, well, it looks like an ordinary auditorium holding a modified skating rink, with bleachers set up outside. In the rink, men and women in brightly colored, tight skating uniforms, rollerblades, and pads, skate around the outer edge and fake beating each other up(no 'blading' puns, please). In the inner, egg-shaped core of the rink, there are seats for team members and referees. But today is a different day for the RollerJammers... The 3A 'Over The Rainbow' team enter the 'arena'. They aren't wearing skates, or pads, or helmets. Oscar has a weedy-looking guy in a Torture Rack hold. Kefkain chokeslams the referee. Nav calmly cuts down a swath of 'bladers with his MP5. Silhouette puts one of the roller-bimbos into a Fireman's Carry. Wolf powerbombs one annoying Dick-Clark-look-alike commentator, Star Mech stuns yet another.] [Cut to 3A logo animation: Chibi-Lynxara jumps onto big 3D A.A.A. logo, and makes victory sign, like the banner image on the webpage.] Chibi-Lynxara: [in ultro-cute voice] Author Avatar Association: We don't do skates, tee hee! [webpage appears at bottom of screen in subtitles:] {http://www.geocities.com/silvertooth/AuthorAvatars.html} [Author's Note: Yes, I _am_ venting. Deal.] [END COMMERCIAL AD] The camera faded in to a wide shot of the Stadium. Tenay said in a voice over, "And we're back! Captain Bungie will now show you the earlier events which brought tonight's Hell-In-A-Cell match to fruition." The video cut to a set similar to WWF's SlamJam, or the set of WWF LiveWire; a room that had a stack of monitors replaying both AAA matches around the multiverse and Self-Insertion fanfics, as well as showcased AAA/SVAM merchandising strewn all about. A tall, bulky, teenaged, african-american fellow in a "Cactus Jack" t-shirt and extremely baggy jeans which were held up by a brown belt stood in front of the camera. "Hi everyone. This is Captain Bungie, speaking to you from an office of Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings. A few minutes before broadcast, a very angry Nav went to the ring. The events that followed have set off an unexpected grudge match between two of the 3A's superstars, as the video will show you..." As Bungie ended his announcement, the video flash-cut to the ring, where Nav's ring music was starting to be played, and was being received with a tremendous pop from the stands. A caption, reading [EARLIER TONIGHT] in flashy typeface, was on the top left of the screen. The former Moon Kingdom Champion, Nav, strode to the ring, looking oddly alike to a younger Ken Shamrock as he glared at the camera, while fans yelled and screamed in either admiration or hatred for the champ. He wore his usual gear; green tanktop and worn-out jeans. A good bit of stubble on his chin signified a goatee on Nav's boyish features; it was a shade lighter than his brown crew-cut hair. Nav walked right into the empty ring, where 15 minutes(give or take a few) later, two senshi hentai would battle it out. The angry young man jumped onto the turnbuckles, playing to the crowd, who responded loudly. "Uhm...guys...what's *he* doing here?" Tenay asked. "Probably the same reason that steel cell is hanging in the rafters," JR answered. "Oh, man. Nav has got to be angry about losing the Moon Kingdom Belt...I don't like it," Jake admitted. Nav slipped out of the ring for a moment to grab a microphone from the announcers. Once he was back in the ring, he began to speak, grimacing straight at the camera and looking about as pissed off as DDP (maybe even Flair ^_^) on any given airing of Nitro. "Flashman... I'm calling you out, sentai! You keep running around, talking trash about me and *worshipping* that brat, Tsukino...I've had enough of it!" "Sure didn't see *that* coming, eh Jake?" Jim Ross asked. Jake, sure enough, was stunned. "Wait a minute...Flashman's an active competitor?" "I guess he is now..." Tenay informed the turtle as Flashman's ring music ("Heart of Sword" from Ruronin Kenshin), and a montage of scenes from Flashman's Flash Point MSTings, Otaku Leap, and FFML Sentai Fiveman played on the Trinitron, as the Flashman emerged to a rather large pop. The sentai was in his normal, 'flashy'-looking, gear: a gold Sentai outfit, with a blue, vest-like apparatus over it (he looked a lot like the White Ranger with a different color scheme). He was also attired in a gold helmet with a black visor that covered the top of his forehead to the bridge of his nose. A thick blue line ran around the back of the helmet and ended at the edges of the visor. Flashman had brought a mic with him from the lockers, and as he casually sauntered to the ring, his tone was more of indignation than true offense. "Ah, come on, Jimmy D., gimme a break; I'd take you on, but I just happen to have a problem with attacking children, even if they are whiny little, stuck-up, brats with gun fetishes. Not that having a problem with killing defenseless kids ever stopped *you*..." "Flashman is sure layin' it on thick, guys," Jake commented. "He's obviously trying to get a reaction out of him," Tenay offered. "Well...you ask me, he's just trying to piss Nav off...not too hard," Jake replied. Nav was, of course, just getting angrier. But suddenly, out of nowhere, a smile came to his face; deranged, of course. However, it was certainly deranged. "Well, Flashman, you seem to like to run your mouth; just like that worthless hack, Star Mech. But can you back it up?!" Flashman was certainly not at a loss for words, and knew just what Nav was driving at. "Wait, wait, wait; listen, you little pug-sucker - I will take you on in any gimmick match your twisted, pubescent little brain can think up!" "So *that*'s what the cage is for," Jake realized, moments before Nav responded. "Well, Sentai-boy, you want a gimmick match? You got it. Tonight, you, me, Hell-in-a-Cell!" Nav continued, despite the tremendous pop from the onlookers. "And you had better just hope that that queer-looking, spandex sentai crap can take a bullet or two, because if there's one thing I hate as much as moonies, it's VR Troopers wannabes. You're gonna be the first sentai to ever face an opponent that can kick your ass blindfolded!" "Fine by me. Oh, and Nav?" Flashman added offhandedly as he made his way back to the lockers, "Lose the whole 'angry young man' kick, OK? Too much homoerotic tension goin' on back there." Nav's response had to be censored by the production team; if not, odds were that the show would be deemed too vulgar for 3A TV. "Oh my god...Hell-in-a-Cell has produced some of the most extreme matches the squared circle has ever seen. This one will definitely *not* be for the faint of heart," Jim Ross announced. "Jeezus...so, Flashman's first match is going to get him killed? I can't believe this..." Jake could be heard mumbling. The video flashcut back to the SVAM office. "The second Hell-In-A-Cell in 3A history is going to be one hell of a grudge match, and I know I'll be watching," Bungie finished up. "Back to you, Jake." The cameras returned to the stadium, where Dark Starr's intro played: deep red flashed over the Trintron while 'Got the Life' by KoRn played. Starr entered to boos, while red-tinted visuals of his recent exploits in the 3A ran. The resemblance ended there, though. As Dark Starr entered to a booing crowd, sipping from a black canteen, he was in his usual choice of clothes; short, spiky black hair, a sleeveless black shirt that had a ghostly outline of a scorpion emblazoned on it, coupled with black pants... finger gloves, elbow pads, knee pads, boots, sunglasses, even his canteen, all black. Dark Starr stood on the turnbuckles, glaring at the predominantly booing crowd. Dark Starr gulped down a mouthful of the liquid from his canteen, and spat it out at the crowd contemptously, which reacted loudly in outrage. "Oh, gross," Jim Ross said disgustedly. "Degeneration X can't be happy about spooge-boy stealing their schtick, that's for sure," Jake said. Tenay, eager to get past the nasty scene which had just developed before them, announced, "His opponent is a newcomer to the Author Avatar Association. Apparently, he's an anti-moonie of some sort..." Sugar Ray's rock anthem, "r.p.m.", played over the speakers, as video clips of the combatant about to enter fighting in an octogonal steel cage simultaneously ran over the Trinitron. Dark Starr stood in the ring, staring intently down the rampway. Ryot was a few inches taller than Dark Starr; he resembled WWF's Edge in body type. However, Ryot's dirty, stringy blond hair fell over his set, grim face, and was definitely inspired by Scott 'Raven' Levy(or perhaps a punk version of Cactus Jack). Ryot's ring gear was baggy shorts, size-14 boots, and an old t-shirt which displayed the 'anarchy' symbol. His hair shaded the eyes, which were a large sickly green, off-set by a lantern jaw and thick lips which in turn overshadowed his pug nose(which was a standard anime nose); the overall effect was a bit like a much younger Dustin Runnels. Ryot could be distinguished as his 'Flynn' persona by the blood-red upside-down crescent(the black moon kingdom symbol in red) tattooed on his forehead; a tattoo which was visible, despite a few strands of hair over it. "*Him*? Man, that's the guy who wrote such heartwarming classics as '*R*P*M*' and Deep Religion; he's not so much anti-moon as anti-humanity, Nav times two..." Jake began to rant as Ryot walked up the metal stairs, jumped over the ropes, and got into a staring match with Dark Starr. Mike Tenay was quick to cut their neurotic animal friend off quickly; "-Ryot appears to have some experience outside of the 3A." "Yes," JR said as he consulted his notes, "The young man is a second degree brown belt in Kotokan Judo, and as you can see, he's fought quite a few superstars on the independent promotion circuit and UFC." "And he looks like Aron Scythe on heroin!" Jake added, to the groans of his colleagues. MATCH TWO: Ryot VS. Dark Starr "They tie up; here's a grappling style I haven't seen in a while..." JR began. "Yeah, that's where the judo influence comes in, Jim," Jake added. "Ryot's moving in for a throw..." JR added. Ryot did go in for one; an osoto-gari(locking up the arms and sweeping/kicking the legs while pushing the opponent off balance with your forearms), at the sight of which Jake muttered, "Keeping it simple..." However, Starr didn't budge. As Ryot attempted to sweep again, Starr broke Ryot's hold on his arms and went in with his own. "Dark Starr reverses - and is rewarded with a crushing side belly-to-belly suplex, he really knocked the wind out of Ryot with that one!" Tenay commented. "Starr follows it up with a quick leg drop right on Ryot's face - no mercy to be found from spooge-boy," Jake said. JR was unamused with Jake's nickname for Dark Starr, to say the least(and nauseated, to say a bit more), but that didn't stop him from continuing to call the match. "Ryot pulls himself up, blocks a forearm and follows it up with his own. Dark Starr side-steps a hook kick, grabs the leg and kicks out the other!" "Dark Starr sure is laying it on thick, guys," Jake said as Starr put Ryot into a Half-Crab leglock. "Both of them are trying to prove themselves worthy of 3A gold, Jake, and they're willing to plow through each other to get it," Tenay replied. "Ryot quickly grabs the ropes," Jake announced. Dark Starr responded by dropping Ryot's leg and bouncing off the opposite ropes. "Starr nails Ryot with a vertical body press! That kid had better turn up the offense against Starr, or this match is over!" JR yelled over the crowd. "Dark Starr picks a battered Ryot up by the head, and whips him into the turnbuckles, following close behind - Ryot jumps up onto the turnbuckles! He backflips into a reverse DDT! Amazing!" JR exulted. "Maybe Ryot *can* bring this match back," Tenay observed. Next, Ryot put Starr into a 'Torture Rack'-style hold. "Ryot spins a round 360 degrees - falls back right into a modified samoan drop!" Tenay announced. "'Flynn' just set us back about 15 years," Jake observed. "Ryot follows up that classic move by jumping to the middle rope," Jim Ross countered. Ryot flipped backwards for a moonsault, after playing to the screaming fans for a moment. "Ouch! Starr rolls out of the way, and Ryot eats canvas!" JR shouted enthusiastically. While Starr hammered the staggering Ryot with an axe-handle smash, none other than Storm Gryphon, who was holding a black steel chair as he went down the rampway. "Dark Starr is just punishing Ryot - *Storm Gryphon*?! What the hell...?" Dark Starr and Ryot didn't take any notice of the avatar, as they began to punch away at each other, blatant brawling. Storm Gryphon slid in to the ring unnoticed...at least, until he swung the steel chair at Ryot, and connected, flooring the punk with blow that put a dent in the chair, but did not break it. "SG knocks Dark Starr away with a backhand... then sets up the chair. I don't think he's gonna use that chair for sitting, guys!" Jake said excitedly. "Storm Gryphon locks up with Starr - OH, NO! SG with a Bulldog, crushing Dark Starr face first onto the chair seat! Dark Starr's face has been smashed!" Storm Gryphon then dropped the bloodied and unconscious goth, and went to the turnbuckles to play to the audience. And was almost immediately dropped into a pump handle slam by a recovered Ryot. "Wha-WHAT?!!" Jake yelled. "Ryot just came out of nowhere!" an impressed JR commented. Ryot went to Dark Starr, whose face was covered with blood that fell over his pale visiage like a cracked egg full of crimson, for the pin. Storm Gryphon, though, wasn't out for the count. "Almost a 3-count, but SG isn't done! Tenay announced. "Storm Gryphon pulls Ryot off of Dark Starr..." JR said... "... And sets him up for an awesome hanging vertical suplex!" Jake gleefully said as the Avatar used his armour's wings to actually propel himself into the air, then abruptly dropping Ryot into the suplex from at least 20 feet into the air. "OUCH! These ECW rejects are gonna feel *that* come tomorrow morning," Jake commented happily. "I can't believe it...Storm Gryphon has just *shattered* two of the 3A's rising stars! All bets are off on the Road To Interslam!" JR announced, in what was almost assuredly going to be quoted by others on 3A TV in the weeks to come. It wasn't long before the Robo-Ref declared both combatants unconscious. WINNER: Draw (double K.O.) Before getting pulled off by 3A event security, Storm Gryphon went to the cameras, brushing away strands of his bleached blond hair and screaming, "I did it for you, Dad! WHOO!", and so on. "Ooh...I'm sure glad Flair isn't here right now," Jake added. "I think we'd better go to break, guys," Tenay said. "He...he sounded like Owen Hart..." Jake managed to say before breaking into uncontrollable laughter. "Stay with us, folks...next up is our main event!" JR said. Instead of going straight to the commercials, the video cut to the hovercam, which was recording from the alleys behind DMX Stadium. The Great Red Serpent was getting beaten to a pulp by The Ladykillers, ambushed the second he left the locker room. Oscar flung the Serpent against a wall brutally, and Chris started kicking the felled Senshi Hentai when he was down, as the camera faded to commercials(like WCW Nitro, really). [COMMERCIAL AD] [SCENE: A relatively empty arena; an opened dumpster has been set next to the ring. Cut to the commentator's desk where Roy Slaven and HG Nelson are seated in their usual dinner suits.] ROY: Hello, everyone. My counterpart and I often call matches for the excellent Fauth Brothers' series of House Shows, but tonight, we'll be commentating on a very special match. HG: That's right, Roy. It has come to our attention that there are a few of you out there that still don't think of the Author Avatar Arena as cyberspace's premier form of sports entertainment. ROY: Well, to disavow this ugly rumor, we've decided to put Chibi-Lynxara and a 7-foot monster of a russian wrestler, kicked out of the UFC for excessive fatalities, in a dumpster match. HG: Really, I feel sorry for the brute. ROY: And here they are. [The ultro-'roided wrestler comes to the ring in gear reminiscient of the = Giant's. Chibi-Lynxara just teleports into the middle of the ring, as cute as ever.] ROY: There's the bell. Jobberman, the Russian Wrestler: GRRR! [apes around] Chibi-Lynxara: EGO...CRUSHER! [run stock 'King of the Net: Endgame' footage from 3A Archives] HG: Wow! The big guy has been knocked back by the blast- ROY:[finishes] --all the way into the dumpster! [dumpster slams shut] Talk about your short matches! HG: This guy didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell! [Chibi-Lynxara sits in the middle of the ring, playing with her doll. Kawaii!] 3A: Attitude. It's not for everyone. [END COMMERCIAL AD] The cameras returned to a stunned commentator's table at ringside. "Wow...I guess we should have expected this, from those two..." Tenay said. In response, Jake said, "The Ladykillers actually gave TGRS a good old-fashioned beat down? I believe we have confirmed that the Great Red Overcompensation Complex is joining the J.O.B. Squad." Jim Ross, however, had his priorities straight. As a WWF commentator and booker, he was obligated to promote a Hell-In-A-Cell match in any way possible. JR just wished he had a video spot handy, but 3A's production team were on tour with the Fight Scene people. Ah, well. Sometimes the old ways were the best. "Up next, though, we have two 3A superstars settle their differences in the most famous of all steel cages, and certainly the most brutal, most hardcore, most dangerous venue in the wrestling business today. Mick Foley nearly got himself killed in one of these bouts, and I do hope that our combatants tonight have better luck than that individual has." As JR spoke, clips of previous Hell-In-A-Cell matches, some of Nav's more violent matches, and some footage of Flashman training and fighting. Jake: "We have yet to see Flashman make a real impact on the 3A. We've heard of his sentai powers and martial arts skills...but against Nav? Don't get your hopes up." Jim Ross: "I just hope that he doesn't get slaughtered out there. This is a hell of a way for Rogers to make his entry into the 3A," JR replied solemnly. Mike Tenay: "The cell is being lowered, ladies and gentlemen!" As the cell dropped over the ring, "Instruments of Destruction" played as Nav entered the arena. Nav was fully decked out in combat gear; his green tank-top had a packed bandolier strapped over it, the gun holster at his hip was prominent(and the .50 Magnum it held was even moreso), and knee pads now were strapped over his pants. He basically ignored the booing (though a prominent section were still cheering) fans as he quickly scaled the cell's walls, and then stood atop the cell, waiting for Flashman to come. When "Heart of Sword" began and Flashman made his way to the ring, there was a large pop from the crowd; Flashman, who was ready for a war but not fan worship, bewilderedly waved back to the audience. Nav, meanwhile, yelled down at the Flashman, gesturing back and forth. His message was pretty simple, and soon enough, Flashman was scaling the cage and getting up to the top. "What's this?" Jake enquired. "Nav has either got a plan or is very stupid," JR observed. "Either way, I hope he's practiced his belly flops..." The Flashman finally got to the top, and stared down Nav for a moment. Then he knocked the commando down with a clothesline, and as Nav fell back, the cage shook just a little - but enough for the viewers to notice. Jake decided to start commentating on the match. "Nav is back up with an uppercut, but Flashman blocks and responds with a roundhouse kick to the thighs. Nav decides to quit with strategy, and starts hammering the Flashman with a series of jabs and punches!" "Flashman drops Nav with a single-arm DDT, right on to the metal!", JR said tersely. "Flashman tries a Painkiller, but Nav rolls out of the way." "The Flashman is now holding a weapon of some sort," Jake started up again. "That would be the Side Cutter, a small energy blade," Tenay replied after consulting his notes. "Flashman slashes viciously at Nav - Nav rolls out of the way!" Nav rolled to his feet, inches away from the edge of the cell, holding a machete he had taken from a sheath at his boot. Flashman struck down with the Side Cutter, while Nav blocked with the machete, and it was evident that they were soon in deadly contest; either Flashman would push Nav off the cell, or Nav would shear the Flashman's head off. "Nav seems to be showing some strain," JR observed. But it wasn't strain. Nav successfully parried the downward slash, letting his own inertia carry the blade forward, hooking the Flashman's elbow in an inverted arm-lock with one hand and punching him in the head with the other. Quite suddenly, Nav pushed the stunned sentai back, quickly ripped a black cylendrical object from his bandolier belt and tossed it at Flashman with one quick hand motion. Moments later, the object - a thermite grenade - exploded in Flashman's face, while Nav teetered on the edge of the cell. The grenade went off in a big white flash, and knocked Flashman through the cell's fenced roof; the sentai bounced off of one of the inner walls(since he had been propelled at an angle), and landed just barely inside the ring. The crowd roared in amazement, Nav struggled not to fall off the edge of the cell, and the Flashman lay on the ring mat, unmoving, his armor scorched in several places. "Wow! Nav once again catches an opponent off guard with his use of outlandish weaponry," Tenay began. "'Outlandish'? Guys, he just dropped an explosive in Flashman's face," Jake countered. "Either way, it looks like Nav's going to follow it up...*FIREBIRD SPLASH* from the top! Flashman is just broken in half! My God...thats got to have hurt Nav at least as much as it hurt the Flashman..." JR said, surprised. Nav pulled himself up, and put a foot on the Flashman's chest for the pin. One...Two... "He *kicked out*! I don't believe it!" Mike Tenay yelled, as Flashman scrambled to his feet. Nav was similarly astonished. Which was why it was so easy for the Flashman to sock him in the stomach, setting Nav up for... "Implant DDT by Flashman!" Jake announced. "Then a drop kick by the sentai. Flashman whips Nav into the ropes, ducks a clothesline by the commando and puts Nav in the sleeper!" Nav began to succumb to the hold...but was able to push Flashman away. The Flashman rebounded off the ropes, and tried a shoulder tackle but got caught in mid-air with a powerslam! Flashman staggered to his feet...and got shot in the face. Nav pulled out the Magnum at his side holster, and proved it wasn't just for decoration by firing at Flashman from point-black range. The crowd was in a frenzy now, mainly from sheer shock. The Flashman was on the ground, and Nav tried a lateral press. "Oh, no!" was all that JR could manage. "Well, if anyone didn't know that Nav will do whatever is needed to win before, they do know now," Jake said grimly. "I just hope that Flashman's still breathing..." Tenay replied. One...Two... "KICK OUT *AGAIN*! What spirit from the Flashman!" Jake yelled. "That 'spirit' is going to get him *killed*!" JR yelled. "I mean, sentai or no, the guy's not Mick Foley. He can't last much longer..." The sentai rolled away from Nav, and ripped off his cracked helmet. His face wasn't in too bad shape, despite the fact that he was bleeding like a stuck pig from a cut just above his eye(much like Vader in the Vader/Bret Hart/Austin/Undertaker Fatal 4-Way match at a '97 In Your House show). Nav strode towards him, but the Flashman spun around and brained Nav with his helmet. As Nav spun from this blow, the Flashman continued to bludgeon him with his helmet. "JR, I think the calvary has arrived..." Jake said, as none other than Space Sailor Moon made her way down the rampway, holding Flashman's Sentai Saber(a sword the size of Ukyo Kuonji's big spatula). She began to climb up the cage's walls, still holding the Saber. In the ring, Nav was the one on the ground for a change, being mercilessly pounded by the wounded sentai. When Flashman saw Space Sailor Moon, she tossed him the Sentai Saber from the top of the cage. He caught it by the hilt, thankfully, and pressed a small blue jewel on the side of the hilt. The sword began to glow with energy. Flashman held the Sentai Saber, in an attacking pose, and yelled: "CROWN FINAL CRASH!" All the energy the Saber had built up was released at Nav. Nav, however, cartwheeled out of the way, so that the energy blast impacted on the turnbuckles and on that corner of the cage. "Flashman swings that Saber at Nav; Nav flips out of the way. The tables sure have turned now," JR commentated. Jake responded in agreement: "I'd really like to see Nav get out of this one with all limbs intact; shooting Flashman in the head *really* pissed him off." "Nav sidesteps another slash, and catches Flashman with a drop toe hold," Tenay said, attempting to get in a few more words than he had lately. "Nav's luck doesn't hold out, though." A well-placed swipe not only cut the bandolier's straps(making his Nav's weapons belt fall to the ground), but left a long line of red along Nav's side. "Flashman chops down - but Nav intercepts the sword hand with a lightning-fast arm wrench!" After a few excruciating seconds, there was an audible snap; like a knuckle cracking, only amplified to the tenth power. Flashman yelled with pain, and dropped the saber, then dropped to the ground himself, cradling his broken arm. Nav, however, was only getting started. He pulled Flashman to his feet. "Nav whips an already hurting Flashman to the turnbuckles - REVERSAL! Nav hits the turnbuckle post HARD!" JR enthused. In fact, Nav hit the turnbuckles so hard, the middle rope snapped like a rubber band stretched beyond its elastic limit(like a certain match between Buddy Rose and Rocky Johnson, back in the '70s). "Ouch...Nav's back has got to be feeling that collision," Jake said. While Nav recovered from that, Flashman walked shakily over to the corner. Then, Flashman leapt from the ground to the top turnbuckle and then leapt off, hitting Nav in the side of the head with an extended foot. "The *Rider Kick* makes its debut!" said an enthusiastic Jake. Flashman sat on Nav's chest for the pin. One...Two... "Kick out by the commando. I still think that Flashman might steal that 'King of Hardcore' title away from Nav before this night is over...that is, if these guys still have anything left," Jake mused. "The guys are back on their feet, and trading punches," Tenay said, "Nav now being pushed back - hurricanrana from out of nowhere by the commando!" The move just barely tossed Flashman out of the ring. While a weary Nav once again tried to get back on his feet, Flashman wiped the blood out of his eyes pulled something from under the ring apron... "What is *that*?" Jake asked. "The large cannon has to be the Flash Blaster, Flashman's finishing weapon," Tenay said after looking through his notes. Flashman hefted the Blaster(which was a custom type of bazooka) on to his shoulder, and went up the steel stairs and onto the turnbuckles; unknowingly looking identical to Nav himself during his match against Kefkain on the first InterSlam Fight Scene. The Flash Blaster powered up, a lot like the Sentai Saber's energy blast exponentially increased and concentrated as a hum of power came from the machine. Flashman had time to say one thing to the staggering Nav: "Time for bed, kid." The Flash Blaster fired an unstoppable burst of energy. And once again, Nav just barely got out of the way. What the Flash Blaster did hit, was obliterated; a whole section of the ring and cage was on the verge of collapsing. Nav was now bleeding from both his arm and from his left side, completely disoriented from the explosion. "Flashman drops the Blaster, looking towards Nav...Body Press from the turnbuckles, for the pin!" JR announced. One...Two...Three! WINNER: Flashman (Pin) "Heart Of Sword" played, while EMT staff and others were sent in to help the fallen fighters. Meanwhile, both the cage and the ring collapsed on one side: the ring was now lopsided, and the cage hung only feet above them. As the warriors were helped out of the arena, the commentators prepared to wrap up the show. "The fighters each gave it their all tonight," Jake said. "It was a hell of a show, and I was glad to help." "Couldn't have said it better myself," Jim Ross said, smiling. "From all of us here at the DMX Stadium; Good Fight, Good Night!" Tenay finished. As the cameras faded out, the groans of his colleagues could still be heard. THE END AFTERWORD: Thanks to Tim McLees, Alicia Ashby, Christian Rogers, James Donovan, Aaron Ettlin, my parents, and everyone else who provided inspiration for this little caper; the rasslers and the writers, and you, the reader, for taking the time to humor me while I told you a little story. I don't know whether or not I accomplished anything with this, but I do know that I was able to finish it by some degree. My only wish is that some enjoyment was able to be taken from the reading of this. Finished March 21st, 1999 AD.