Monday Night Biffo

By Alex & Max Fauth

     The Camera zooms in on an ugly green-blue planet hanging in
space and dives through the heavy clouds to a massive city that
looks like a combination of medieval Japanese with the high-tech.
Zoom low across the city to a massive arena open-air with banners
showing a red symbol of a three-pointed star. Superimpose on the
screen "MONDAY NIGHT BIFFO" and then fade as we cut to the
commentator's desk manned (as always) by Rampaging Roy Slaven and
HG Nelson.
     "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this
special Monday night of pure biffo," Roy begins. "Where too much
violence is never enough. I'm Roy Slaven and this is HG Nelson."
     "Yes, thank you, Roy," HG continues. "Tonight Monday Night
Biffo is coming to you live from DJ Croft's Area here on the
Klingon Homeworld where too much violence will be not enough."
     "And it's a huge audience here in the Area tonight! Not just
do we have many of the locals with us tonight, but many celebrities
have put on an appearance here." The camera pans across the huge
audience (one of whom has a "Gorath 3:16" sign) and focuses on
Megatron, Starscream and Soundwave (all contrived down to human
size) in the audience. It pulls back and focuses on an interesting
confrontation - the OVA Knight Sabres and the TV Series Knight
Sabres arguing with each other over seating allocations. It
pulls back again and focuses on another group, Elmer Studio's own
Dan, Rebecca, Tsuneo and Rick R. Mortis. Cut back to the
announcer's desk.
     "So what do we have for the viewers at home or here in the
Area tonight, Roy?" HG asks.
     "Well you might ask." Roy replies "Tonight we have four Tag
Team matches. First up, we have a pair of Robotech boys, Michael
Austin and a new comer by the name of Husthar Rennet. These two
will be biffing up a pair of mystery competitors. Following that,
we have a two on two battle between four avatars who will be
randomly selected."
     "They don't know who's fighting who?" HG asks.
     "Not at all. Should make for some interesting biffo. After
that, we have a fight between two BGC Avatars who will be taking on
a pair of newcomers to this arena. Finally, we'll be having an all
Transformers match between two incredibly stroppy Cyberfemmes and
a pair of abject whiners"
     "Can't wait for that" HG comments, noticeably bored.
"But enough of that later" Roy Calls out. "For now, could you get
them out and bang them together until they are bloody and raw for
our first match!"
     A series of fireworks explosions accompanies Maurice Starr's
"The Right Stuff" as the screen lights up and shows combat footage
of Alpha fighters and Cyclones against Invid Mecha and Russian
gunships. The screen switches to show Michael Austin in his armour
(without helmet) with a REF flag behind him. "The best is here
right now!" Austin calls out through a microphone as he strides in,
wearing his CVR-3 armour. "And it just keeps on getting better!"
The screen switches to showing VF Veritechs in combat against
Zentraedi mecha, a VF-4 Lighting (from Macross) fighting a Southern
Cross Logan fighter and a man unleashing a huge energy blast. "I
give you one of the best things to ever happen to Robotech,
Protoculture's Child, Husthar Rennet!" Husthar strides out in an
RDF flightsuit as the music changes to "Weird Al" Yankovic's "The
White Stuff".
     "Sounds like we have a gremlin in the sound system" HG notes.
     "What do we actually know about this Husthar guy?" Roy asks.
     "Well, it seems that he's 'just an ordinary RDF pilot' who is
in fact a clone created by the RDF. He's got amazing powers of
precognition, is an amazing pilot, can fire huge Protoculture
Energy Blasts and can even absorb power thrown at him," HG reads
off a list. "Oh, and he's a member of the Skull Squadron, works for
the Robotech Research group, can seduce any woman near him -
including EVE, and is an incredible test pilot." HG paused. "Oh,
and he's the embodiment of the light side of  the force. I mean
Protoculture."
     Husthar and Austin look confused for a minute, then stride
down to the ring, whooping out loudly and seemingly ignoring the
change in the music. The two clamber into the ring, with Austin
grabbing the microphone from the Robo-Ref.
     "Do you all smell what Austin is cooking?!" He yells out loud.
"Hell yeah!" The audience replies with a hail of boos directed at
him. "I'm here tonight to lay down the new law - the Law of Austin.
This new law proclaims that anyone who isn't with Me, is history!"
he and Husthar punch the air as the crowd boos louder. "And why are
they history?" He pauses for effect, but receives only more boos.
"Because Michael Austin says so!"
     Rennet takes the Microphone. "That's right Michael. Right here
and now we're gonna show AAA the light! And anyone who doesn't like
it can stick it," He throws the mike back to Austin.
     "I'm almost ashamed of this guy being the product of a fellow
Australian" HG comments.
     "So I'm warning our two Mystery Avatars like I warned Admiral
Hunter before he launched the Mars Division assault" Austin begins.
"Rick, I said, Rick, we ain't got enough here. I bet the Regis has
gone to Earth and made it her new homeworld. We just aren't ready
to face her. And Mars Division was wiped out. So I'm warning you
two. You sure as hell ain't ready to face us!"
     "Hopefully it'll be Nav and Bane," Roy comments. "I wouldn't
mind seeing that"
     "Or Oscar. Or Oni. Or Kefkain even. Anyone to rip these two
tools apart!"
     On cue, "More Human than Human" comes over the speakers as
Captain Universe strides out and down the ramp. The crowd cheer
loudly as he enters and walks past, and continue cheering as he
climbs into the ring.
     "It seems that Cap is popular all of a sudden" HG notes. "I
wonder if it's because he's popular, or because of who he's
facing?"
     "Probably the latter" Roy replies. "I mean, he's fought in one
match where he got thoroughly demolished and never re-appeared.
Ever."
     "Makes you wonder if something funny's going on" HG added. As
if to confirm his worst fears, the whiny saxophone theme of the
"Nightman" TV series cues up as the spotlights focus on the top of
the big screen.
     "Oh look! It's the terror that flaps in the night!" someone
calls out from the crowd.
     "Nightman, he flies like a moron," another voice calls out.
     "Hey Nightbaby! Are you gonna come down here and get some?"
Austin ads.
     Nightman leaps down from the big screen, only to land rather
clumsily in the ring. He picks himself up, and stand next to
Universe.
     "Well that just proves it! Nightbaby and Weenieverse in the
same match!" HG exclaims "Someone's just gotta be setting this up!"
     "I agree, HG," Roy adds. "I mean, it looks fair on paper - two
with no powers and two with big energy blasts, but we all know that
Nightbaby and Universe don't stand a chance of winning!'
     "Well, it looks like our match is about to begin. We'll have
to see how true your words are!" HG calls out as the bell goes off.

     MATCH ONE: MICHAEL AUSTIN and HUSTHAR RENETH vs CAPTAIN
UNIVERSE and
NIGHTMAN

     Austin and Nightman leap into the ring and immediately run at
each other. Universe and Husthar both climb outside the ring.
Austin slams Nightman hard in the guts, followed by several punches
to the chest. Nightman staggers backwards, and Austin slams him
hard again, knocking him against the ropes.
     "Bit of a brutal start by Austin" Roy comments.
     "He's really laying it thick on Nightbaby" HG replies. "Could
be an easy victory."
     Austin runs at Nightman for a powerslam, but Nightman is able
to leap out of the way at the last second. Nightman kicks him
several times in the side, leaving him seemingly stunned. However,
as he is about to move in for a pin, he is grabbed from behind by
Husthar and pulled to the ground.
     "Surprise back door strike by Husthar" Roy comments. "I
suspect that this will be a very tooly match."
     The Robo-Ref calls Husthar off while Austin gets to his feet.
He leaps at Nightman and slams him several times in the guts.
Austin then, rather mercilessly, grabs Nightman by the head and
bashes him against one of the turnbuckles. While Nightman is
momentarily stunned, Austin drops him to the ground and grabs him
in a rather painful ankle lock.
     "Nightbaby in an anklelock!" HG calls out. "He's gotta be
feeling that one!"
     "As much as I hate to say it, Austin does have a fair deal of
talent," Roy comments "Pity he's such a total tool"
     Nightman is able to drag himself over to the rope and grab out
of the hold. The Robo-Ref calls Austin off as Nightman leaps to his
feet and tags Universe.
     "Now this should be interesting" HG comments. "Austin may be
extremely good at everything, but Universe can rip him a new one
from half way across the ring with those energy blasts of his"
     "Could be amusing to see Michael get the Axminster kicked out
of him," Roy adds.
     HG's point is proven true when Universe fires off an energy
blast that sends Austin crashing back into the ropes. He is barely
able to get up and leap out of the way of a second one. Austin
leaps over to Husthar and tags him as Universe fires a third blast
which both Austin and Husthar manage to dodge. Husthar replies with
one of his own Protoculture energy blasts that Universe barely
avoids.
     "These two are ripping into each other!" Roy calls out as the
two of them barely avoid each others blasts.
     "Just wonder if Mike's gonna stand by if anything goes wrong"
HG adds, glaring at Austin who is calmly standing by the ringside.
"I get the feeling that there's more tooly work in store from this 
team."
     Back in the ring, Universe fires off another blast at Reneth.
He manages to roll underneath it and then leap at Universe with a
flying punch to the face. He follows this up with a series of quick
punches and a powerful kick to the midsection that leaves Universe
stunned. Reneth follows through by grabbing Universe by his head
and piledrives him into the mat.
     "Vicious piledriver there by Reneth!" HG calls out. "And he's
going for the pin..."
     The Robo-Ref manages to only get to two before Universe kicks
out. The superhero is able to get to his feet quickly and hit
Reneth with an energy blast that sends him staggering back.
     "Universe's back up." Roy comments. "But he's looking a little
dogged" He added, noting Universe's clear signs of exhaustion.
"He's going to tag Nightman.. no wait! Sudden attack by Austin!" HG
calls out as Austin grabs Nightman from behind and bashes his head
against one of the turnbuckles.
     "Tooly play here from Austin!" Roy Calls out as Austin hits
Nightman in the face a couple of times, and then drags him around
to the commentator's desks. "Wait a sec... Face slam to the desk!"
he calls out as Austin slams Nightman's face into the Commentator's
desk. 
     "And the Robo-Ref's finally getting around here..." HG
comments as Austin grabs Nightman for another attack. "And he's
calling them off."
     "So what's going on back in Ring Land?" Roy asked as the two
Avatars returned to their regular positions.
     "Seems like Universe's pulling out the big one from his date!"
HG calls out. "It could be over for Hushtrar!" he yells out as
Captain Universe pulls his hands back and begins to charge up a
ball of energy in his hands. Surprisingly, Husthar just seems to be
standing back and waiting for it.
     "He's going for it!" He's gonna rip Husthar a brand new date!"
HG exclaims
     "Not to dampen your excitement, but it seems that Husthar has
something in mind" Roy notes, observing Husthar's indifference to
the oncoming attack.
     "Universe Cosmos Blast!" Captain universe yells out as a
massive energy blast leaps from his hands and strikes Rennet - and
dissipates.  Reneth is left standing there completely unharmed.
     "Amusing" he replies to the astonished Captain Universe. "Now
how about this!" He swings back and unleashes a massive energy
blast. "Protoculture Dreaming!" The blast slams into Captain
Universe ripping much of his costume apart and sending him crashing
into one of the turnbuckles.
     "I don't believe it! Rennet just absorbed the UCB! And
then..." Roy calls out.
     "He turned it on Cap! This looks like it for him!" HG adds as
Reneth simply walks over to the stunned Captain Universe and pins
him. The robo-ref does a quick three-count.

     WINNERS: MICHAEL AUSTIN and HUSTHAR RENETH

     Austin jumps into the ring to the continuing jeers and boos of
the crowd, and snatches the mike from the Robo-Ref. "Well, what did
you think of that, buddy?" He asks Rennet, and hands him the mike.
     "Well, it was hardly even a warm up. It was one of the best
bits of fun I've had in ages." He says, casually. "And what did you
think of our opponents, Mike?" He asks as he passes the mike back
to Austin.
     "Well, It was pathetic. Two amateurish hacks who didn't stand
a chance being thrown up against a vastly superior force. Those two
losers didn't have a clue." He boasts out to the crowd.
     "Looks like we could have a Riot on our hands here" HG
comments, observing the crowd's darkening mood.
     "It reminds me of the Army of the Southern Cross" Austin
continues.  "They were brave, but they didn't know what they were
doing. They were a pair of brave, but stupid amateurs who flung
themselves stupidly into battle against an infinitely superior foe.
And, like the Southern Cross, they got their asses thoroughly
whupped!" He pauses. "You know, If I had been there, the result
would have been different. I think that If I had been running the
show, those amateurish hacks of an army could have been worth
something-"
     "Shut up, Austin!" He is cut off by a female voice from the
crowd. "You only bag out the Southern Cross because you weren't
there, nor were any of your inbred relatives or Self-Insertion
Sporran Buddies/"
     "Who was that?" HG calls out.
     "No idea." Roy replies. "Hang on a minute..."
     A woman wearing the armour of the Southern Cross's Tactical
Corps Reconnaissance Division strode out onto the entry ramp.  "I'm
calling you out, Austin. I'm sick to death of the way you put down
anyone who disagrees with 'the great one's' point of view. Like
anyone cares what certain BS artists say any more!"
     "Listen here, lady! You can't expect to bag out my old man and
get away with it!" Austin yells out.
     "I wasn't expecting to get away with it. In fact, I want a
fight," she replies. "You and me. One on one at Elmer Fight Scene
4: Insert Title Here. And I don't want to see any sign of Husthar,
or that little piece of [bleep] Croft, or any of your Sporran
Buddies. Just you and me!'
     "Allright then, ya looser! But I warn you, I ain't gonna be
held responsible for the thrashing that's gonna be dished out!"
Austin calls back.
     "Fine. You'll be receiving it anyway" She says, and leaves.
     "Well this is a turn up." HG comments "We'll be back in a
second with our second fight"

[Ads - Torgo(tm)  by Manos (r)]

     "We're back here in DJ Croft's area tonight, brining you a
very special fight," Roy calls out as soon as the ads end.
     "Yes, Roy, the special thing is that we don't know who's
getting boofed in there. Thing is, neither do the competitors," H.G
adds with a grin.
     "They'll be going in pairs, totally unprepared and probably
unused to working with each other," Roy added.
     "The team members could wind up blowing each other up like
last time," H.G comments, grinning at the thought.
     "So, here tonight to draw our special match, will you please
take them out and bash 'em together till they're red and juicy for
Lord Galvatron and TV's Megastorm!"
     The opening theme to Super Machine Lifeform Beast Wars Second
blares out over the speakers as two robots descend the entrance
ramp. The first one, Galvatron, has a dark blue face, with bright
green eyes surrounded by light purple armour, and a large green
crystal on the chest. The second one, Megastorm, is green  with
purple cammo patches, has a grey face, a large purple gun on the
right shoulder and tank treads on the chest and legs. (Think Gen 2
Tank Megatron). Megastorm holds a top hat. Megastorm steps ahead of
Galvatron and holds down the ropes for him, letting him step in.
Megastorm follows him in, and calls for silence as they stand at
the center of the ring.
     "Tonight, for your entertainment," Galvatron opens with a
sneer, "We present a match between four relatively inexperienced
Avatars making their way into the competition. The plan being to
see how they manage themselves in adverse conditions. Megastorm,
the hat."
     The camera pans across a number of Avatars seated by the
ringside - Adam Sheehan holding his belt, Thane the Irish martial
artist, Darrien Brill, Turtleninja, Sailor Alpha, DeathAngel and
Razormoon staring uncomfortably at each other and Issei Mataloun on
the end, smiling for the camera.
     "And our first contender is..." Galvatron reaches into the hat
and pulls out a piece of paper and unfolds it. "TurtleNinja!" The
theme from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon cues up as a
surprised looking TurtleNinja clasps her hands over her chest, and
looks around in gaping surprise like an idiotic schoolgirl. "Just
get in here" Galvatron snaps. She very quietly climbs into the
ring.
     Galvatron pulls another name from his hat. "And she'll be
paired with..." he pauses, almost unable to say it. "Adam Sheean."
Nothing happens.  "Who doesn't even deserve any theme music, so he
doesn't have any". Adam looks around, shrugs, and climbs in.
     "And they will be sparring off against two other lucky Avatars
tonight." He calls out as he reaches into his hat. DeathAngel and
Razormoon exchange devious glances. "And their first opponent is...
Sailor Alpha!". DeathAngel, Razormoon and Alpha all managed to look
totally shocked as the starting chords of The Kink's "Lola" cue up.
     "Do you think he actually chose that?" Roy asks.
     "She" HG replies. "And I don't think that one's his... er...
her choice." HG's comments are proven when it instantly changes to
Weird Al's "Yoda"
     "Amateurs" Galvatron mutters as he reaches into the hat once
more. "And she will be paired off with our fourth lucky Avatar...
Issei Mataloun!" The chorus to the Village People's "Macho Man"
instantly cues up as Issei scrambles into the ring and poses up a
storm for the even-uglier audience.
     "And we're outta here!" Megastorm exclaims as he puts the hat
on his head and leaps out of the ring. Galvatron follows a few
seconds later.  He pauses to whisper something to DeathAngel, then
heads off up the ramp with Megastorm.
     "Well we seem to have quite a match up here." Roy comments.
"Two natural born losers versus a pair of weirdos"
     "And they don't come much weirder!" HG exclaims. "So could you
all get them out and bang them together until they're good for only
meat slammers for the Mystery Match!"

MYSTERY MATCH: TURTLENINJA & ADAM SHEEHAN VS. ISSEI MATALOUN &
SAILOR ALPHA

     The starting bell rings and Tutleninja and Sailor Alpha
quickly exit the ring. Adam immediately runs at Issei, arms
outstretched for a tackle only to have Issei duck beside and below
his grasp. Adam spins around, but is too slow to block Issei's
spinning kick that sends him sprawling. Issei dashes over to him as
he stands, grabs him around the head and delivers a swinging DDT to
Adam, slamming him once more onto the mat.
     "Good start there by Issei" Roy comments.
     "Surprisingly good for a kid. And a back-door bandit kid at
that" HG ads.
     Adam quickly gets to his feet and backs away from Issei as he
stands. Approaching more cautiously, Issei feints left with a jab,
then swings in with a right hook to Adam's chest. He begins
chopping at Adam's chest, working him backwards into the
turnbuckle, then jumps and slams his fist hard into Adam's face.
Issei backs off, smirking, and summons his sword of power from thin
air.
     "Sword of power's out already!" HG exclaims.  "This could get
very messy very quickly!"
     He runs at Adam, bellowing, slashing downwards. Adam barely
manages to avoid him and rolls away, ending on his feet. In a flash
of light, Adam has an identical sword in his hand!
     "And an amazing contrivance there by Adam!" Roy calls out.
     "Looks like this might not be the date-thrashing Issei had
hoped for," HG adds, loudly.
     The two run at each other and their swords lock, Issei winning
out by ducking low and kicking Adam's legs out from underneath him.
He stabs down at Adam who barely rolls out of the way and stands,
facing Issei.
     The two circle each other for a second, then rush at each
other.  Their swords lock up again. This time, Issei darts out with
his foot, catching Adam in the abdomen and sending him flying.
Issei runs after him and again slashes at the ground; Adam barely
scampers out of his way and over to the corner for a tag on
Turtleninja.
     "Well, Adam did about as well as we'd expect" Roy comments,
rather deadpan.
     Turtleninja immediately vaults over the ropes, katana and
dagger drawn to face Issei. Issei, still on the offensive, runs in
and sweeps at Turtleninja who parries the blow away. She then
immediately swings her own sword in which Issei barely deflects
way. The two attack and counter each other for a few seconds before
Turtleninja feints Issei's sword out of its defensive posture and
smashes him on the side of the head with her free hand. She follows
this up with a leaping spin kick to the dazed child's head, sending
him reeling stumbling back.
     "And now Turtleninja's beating the living brown out of Issei!"
HG exclaims. "This match is really all over the place!"
     Issei stands near the center of the ring, clutching his head
and trying to clear it as Turtleninja darts past him. She climbs up
on a turnbuckle, perching on the top ropes. She raises both her
fingers from each and at the crowd, double-signalling victory.
Then, with marvelous athletic prowess, she leaps off backwards,
executing a full flip in mid-air and slamming down, shell-first, on
Issei who had just turned to face her. Pinning him to the floor,
she rocks her shell back to cover his shoulders. The robo-ref
reaches a two-count before Issei manages to kick out.
     "Issei's on his feet, but he must be in a whole date-load of
pain," HG calls out.
     "I'd think even an Angel would feel that one" Roy adds as
Issei backs off and tags his partner, Sailor Alpha, who immediately
leaps in.  She points her staff at Turtleninja and blasts her with
a lightning bolt, sending her flying back into the ropes.
Turtleninja reverberates off and comes running back, only to get
clotheslined with the staff.
     "And a sudden reversal of fortunes by Sailor Alpha!" HG calls
out.
     "First a back door bandit, now someone who changes around
their tools..." Roy ponders. "It's a really warped team there"
     Sailor Alpha then slams the end of her staff into
Turtleninja's shell, but with no visible effect. TN lashes out and
grabs Alpha's ankle, yanking her off her feet. She twists around,
pushing Alpha down and converts the grab into an ankle lock. Alpha
screams in pain, reaching out for the ropes. She manages to snag a
rope with her staff, but the robo-ref disallows this.
     "Looks like it's just about over for Alpha there" HG notes.
     "She'd have to be pretty insensitive to boof not to notice it"
Roy ads.
     Issei, seeing defeat imminent, grabs the staff and pulls,
bringing Alpha's hand inches closer and onto the rope. The robo-ref
spots the grab and calls TN off. Still dazed, Alpha keeps her
distance and fires off another lightning bolt at TN who barely
dodges and runs in, clotheslining the senshi to the floor. She
stomps on Alpha a few times then pulls her to her feet, gets her in
a headlock and performs a running DDT, dropping her near Adam's
corner. TN tags Adam as Alpha rolls away.
     Adam smiles and raises his hand, still holding the contrived
sword of power. In a flash of light, it changes to a perfect
duplicate of Sailor Alpha's staff.
     "Adam managed to pull another contrivance out of his date!"
Roy yells.
     "What's he gonna do next?" HG asked. "Contrive himself a
Sailor Suit?"
     "It would be a laugh," Roy replies.
     Seeing that Alpha has risen, he fires of one of her own
lightning bolts at her. Alpha screams in shock and raises her own
staff, calling up its other power to reflect the blast back at
Adam. Adam, also cowering behind his staff, brings up the
reflective power to send the lightning bolt back at Alpha. Still
maintaining the reflection, Alpha sends the blast hurtling back at
Adam, who reflects it in turn. The bolt blasts between their two
outstretched staves, gaining power each time.  The bolts seems to
become a solid glow between them as both their staves crackle with
energy. Adam flinches and pulls his staff back slightly, a grievous
mistake that send the blast slamming into his chest, tossing him
across the arena. The magnitude of the blast also catches Alpha,
bowling her off her feet and throwing her back into her team
corner.
     "And they're both blasted!" Roy calls out.
     "Looks like fried kid all round," HG ads.
     Alpha reaches up and tags Issei who bolts into the rings,
ready to take opportunity of his stunned opponent. He pulls Adam to
his feet and Irish whips him at the ropes, catching him in the
abdomen with a hard right on his way back and doubling him over.
Issei step forwards, pushing Adam's head down and between his legs.
Cheering to the crowd, he raises both his hands and crotch-chops
them twice just above Adam's back before lifting him up and
slamming his head down in a perfectly executed Pedigree. Issei
rolls over, on top of Adam and holds him down for a final three
count.

WINNER: ISSEI MATALOUN & SAILOR APLHA.

     "And the Bent Brothers managed to pull out a surprising
victory, despite heavy use of plot contrivances!" Roy calls out.
     "Lucky us" HG ads, quietly.
     "Wait a sec, HG" Roy interjects. Looks like there's something
going on over there..."
     The Cyber-Bee buzzes over to the ring where Issei and Alpha
are apparently having some sort of argument.
     "Oh come on Alpha!" Issei whines. "You've got great legs and
a cool chest. I just think that you and me should get together some
time!"
     "But I'm not that kind of Girl!" she whines back to him.
     "I didn't mean you." Issei replies, grinning. "I meant the
other you." Alpha looks shocked. "But you can still wear the suit.
In fact, I think that you'd look cute in - AAAK!" Issei was cut off
by a sudden lightning bolt from Alpha.
     "Boys," she said, haughtily, and stormed off up the ramp.
     The camera cuts back to the commentator's desk where Roy and
HG are both smirking. "Never a dull moment here in AAA," Roy
comments, almost breaking out laughing.
     "We'll be back with some more biffo after this" HG states,
desperately trying to keep a straight face.

[Ads - Evangelion Beanie Babies]

     "We're back and just in time for our third match! And what do
we have for them now, Roy" HG calls out to the audience.
     "Well, we've got DarkWind and Locke - a pair of BGC avatars,
who are going to lay the biffo into another pair of newcomers -
Darrien and Thane."
     The opening theme from the Batman animated series cues up as
DarkWind and Locke stride down the ramp and clamber into the ring
to a fairly even mixture of cheers and boos. DarkWind seizes the
mike from the Robo-Ref and calls out to the crowd "Ladies and
Gentlemen and Klingons! Welcome to the most electrifying moment in
AAA's history!" The crowd gets uglier.
     "Most electrifying moment..." Roy ponders. "That sounds bad."
     "Sounds like DarkWind has been hitting the amber liquids
again," HG adds.
     DarkWind continued to call out. "Tonight, for your pure
enjoyment, we are going to introduce you, the ever loving public,
to the latest, the greatest, the meanest, the baddest, the most
electrifying team ever to hit AAA. This is the team that will
dominate AAA. This is the team that will make Team Foxifre look
like a bunch of cuddly little animals!"
     "Love to know what he's on about," Roy mutters.
     "Not that anyone would want to cuddle them" HG replies.
     "I dunno, HG. I don't think Scarlett would be too bad..." Roy
adds, seemingly indifferent to the spectacle.
     "Money For Nothing" blares up, as three figures walk down to
the ring. Leading the, is the recognisable, and tatty, form of
Kyrind Brandford, giving a huge thumbs-up to the audience. Behind
him is an unusual hardsuit. It clearly has a male pilot, features
huge wings, and a distinctively medieval look to it. The hard suit
is arm in arm with a very different looking Kathy. She is wearing
a tight, sleeveless black bodysuit with a neck vee all the way down
to her naval. She is also sporting a noticeably enhanced cleavage.
     "Oh boy. Here we go," Roy mutters as he removes his headset
and picks up a copy of the Pig Shooters Gazette.
     "Like to know who the clown in the hardsuit is," HG adds as he
puts his away and picks up a copy of Guns and Ammo. "I don't mind
Kathy's new look though,"
     Inexplicably, the music changes to "Weird Al" Yankovic's
"Ballad of Jed Clampett," Locke and Kyrind have the decency to look
confused. "Ladies and gentlemen," DarkWind continues, not noticing
Roy and HG's ignorance or the change in the music "Klingons and
Transformers, and especially you lovely Knight Sabres - " the
camera quickly focuses on the two groups of Knight Sabres in the
audience, still giving each other filthy glares. "I give you the
best thing to happen to BGC since Tinsel City...." He pauses
for build up "The Neo-Knight Sabres!" He pauses while the
Hardsuited figure climbs into the ring. "And now, for the man who
we owe it all too... the one who inspired the stories we featured
in... Bert Van Millet!" The crowd grows even uglier with a sudden
flurry of boos and jeers as DarkWind hands the mike to Bert.
     "Not him." HG moans. "The granddaddy of BGC self insertion."
     "The one who inspired those clowns, eh?" Roy contemplates.
"Good thing I bought a thick magazine," They both go back to their
reading.
     "Thankyou DarkWind!" Bert calls out to the crowd. "I'm here
tonight to publicly introduce you all to my team! You've seen them
all in action before - Hell, DarkWind, Locke and Kyrind were
slugging each other just a few weeks ago. But we're here, tonight,
as one big happy family. And the family that stays together whups
ass together!" The crowd boos some more.  "Now you might be
wondering why the Neo-Knight Sabres are the best thing ever to
happen to AAA. I'll tell you why! Because it contains the single,
greatest amount of talent ever seen in the one team in all of AAA!
And they're under the skilled guidance of one of the greatest
avatars of all time - Me!"
     "This guy can really lay the carpet on thick," HG notes, still
buried in his magazine. "I'd hate to read his fic."
     "So I say to the two poor saps who are gonna be demolished in
this ring tonight by my boys - " Bert calls out and pauses. "Feel
lucky. That's right. Feel lucky that you're being demolished by the
best, and not some bunch of no-talent hacks!'
     "Never mind that none of these guys have ever won a match" Roy
notes, bored stiff.
     "Better get back on - their opponents are about to shows" HG
notes, as he puts down his magazine and puts his headset back on.
     "The Eye of the Tiger" cues up as Thane strides down the entry
ramp, cheering to the crowd. He barges past Kyrind, Bert and Kathy
and is about to climb into the ring when the theme music changes to
Weird Al's "The Rye or the Kaiser". There is a tense silence as he
angrily glares at the Neo-Knight Sabres. After a little bit, he
clambers into the ring, barges past DarkWind and Locke, and stalks
over to his corner.
     "Sounds like our little Gremlin has struck again" HG comments.
     "Indeed, HG. But It's kind of amusing" Roy replies. "Wait...
Sounds like Darrien's about to make his entry."
     Green Day's "Walking Contradiction" cues up, and Darrien
strides down to the ring, once again playing up the audience, and
seemingly ignoring the damage done to his song. He clambers into
the ring, but is grabbed from behind by DarkWind, and quickly
tossed out. Thane runs at DarkWind, only to be blocked by Locke.
     "Looks like our lads are getting started early, Roy" HG notes
as the other members of the Neo-Knight Sabres back away from the
ring. "So get them out and beat them silly for our next match!"

     MATCH THREE: NEO-KNIGHT SABERS (DarkWind and Locke
Sommerville) vs. THANE and DARRIEN.

     Darkwind vaults over the ropes to take the fight to Darrien,
pounding at his chest as he tries to stand. Darrien backs off,
slightly dazed, until Darkwind grabs his arm and Irish whips him
around and sends him running into the steel steps. Darkwind dusts
off his hands and returns to his corner as the robo-ref yells at
him.
     "Robo-Ref's managed to get this match under control at last,"
Roy comments.
     "I think it's safe to say that the chances of there being fair
play in this match are rather slim," HG adds. "I think we can
expect some tooly behaviour out of Bert and friends."
     "Just what I love." Roy replies. "Sportsmanship is all good
and fine, but some times you just have to go for a foul
squirrel-grip in order to make the match."
     Back in the ring, Locke starts early, slamming a boosted punch
into Thane's abdomen. He follows up with his other hand, smashing
it hard into Thane's chest and leaving him to stagger backwards
towards the turnbuckle. Locke runs at him but Thane immediately
recovers, firing off an chi blast with a yell of "Hadoken!" The
blast catches Locke by surprise, bowling him over. Thane executes
a running elbow drop on Locke's prone form, and then covers him for
barely a two-count.
     The two stand and back away from each other. Thane opens up
with a second hadoken, but this time Locke is prepared. He quickly
erects his force field and lets the chi blast dissipate before
returning the favour with a level one telekinetic blast. Thane is
caught in the chest and flung against the turnbuckle, hitting it
hard.
     "That's gotta have loosened something up there" Roy comments.
     "On Thane?" HG Replies. "It'll just make his accent worse"
     As Thane lies stunned against the turnbuckle, Locke walks over
and climbs onto the first rope, then starts chopping at Thane's
shoulders. The robo-ref finally calls him off and Locke does so,
backing into the opposite corner. He takes a run up and
shoulder-charges straight at Thane who slips out of the way,
leaving Locke to slam into the turnbuckle.
     "Oooh! Force field or no force field, Locke's gotta be feeling
that one," Roy calls out.
     Thane heads to his corner and makes the tag to his barely
recovered partner. Darrien climbs into the ring and faces Locke.
The two of them circle each other, skirting the edges of the ring,
each seemingly staring the other down and waiting for his opponent
to make the first move.
     "What's going on here!" HG calls out, clearly agitated.
"There's no biffo!"
     "They should be slugging each other senseless, not having a
staring contest!" Roy replies, also annoyed.
     Locke smiles as he comes around to his corner, reaches back
and tags Darkwind. Darkwind climbs in to the ring to face Darrien
and is immediately confronted with a stream of flame rushing
towards him.
     "Monster Jeff there by Darrien!" HG calls out, excited. "Just
the thing for the kiddies at home!"
     "Looks like there could be some good ring destruction here
tonight," Roy adds, just as excited.
     He barely manages to dive out of the way, rolling and firing
his mini-missiles as he does. The missiles slam into Darrien's
hastily erected force field but their oddly small blasts send up a
lot of smoke. Darrien looks around confused, searching for
Darkwind. The smoke billows aside as Darkwind comes flying through
it, jet pack activated, and seizes Darrien by his shoulders. He
immediately pulls up,  flying high above the ring then simply
releases Darrien above the entrance ramp, letting him drop to the
stone floor below.
     "Monster drop there by DorkWind!" HG calls out.
     "This is world class biffo!" Roy exclaims. "You may not like
the way they act, but you have to like the way the boof!"
     The crowd roars out for blood as Darrien plunges to the ground
but is suddenly stopped - less than half a meter above the ground
- by some invisible force. It then releases him and he drops,
unharmed the rest of the way, rolling with the fall and immediately
getting to his feet. Annoyed by his failure, Darkwind swoops down
at him, firing the laser mounted in his left arm. Darrien dodges
the shot and summons a huge pillar of flame that tears upwards and
engulfs Darkwind, scorching him and sending him out of control.
     "Mother of all Jeffs!" HG calls out, leaping up on his seat.
"This is some of the fiercest fighting I've ever seen out side of
a League grand final!"
     "DarkWind will certainly be feeling that one tomorrow!" Roy
adds, only barely containing his desire to leap up as well.
     Darrien then leaps as Darkwind hurtles towards him, grabs him
in mid-air and conducts a mid-air power bomb onto the stone floor.
Darkwind crashes into the railing, apparently unconscious as
Darrien gracefully lands on his feet.
     "And Dorkfish is all over the floor!" HG exclaims, having only
just resumed his chair. "This looks like it for the
Neo-Whatstheirnames!"
     "It does make for a bit of a dodgey start for the greatest
thing ever to happen to AAA," Roy comments flatly.
     Darrien begins striding over to Darkwind when suddenly he is
struck from behind by Kyrind with a folded steel chair. Kyrind
begins pummelling the stunned empath, knocking him to the ground
and then stomping on him for all he's worth. Kathy also makes it
over to Darkwind and helps him up, leading him back towards the
ring.
     "Tooly play there by the Sabers" Roy calls out. "I mean,
Darrien nearly had them there!"
     "And you'd have to give it to them after a smash like that!"
HG calls out.
     The robo-ref calls Kyrind off, threatening to throw the
Neo-Knight Sabres out of the arena. Kyrind makes his way back to
the ring to stand with Locke and Skyknight. Locke and Kyrind almost
immediately begin arguing, but are silenced with a word from
Skyknight. DarkWind tags Locke outside the ring, and he enters to
face Darrien who has also made his way back.
     "Darrien and Locke in the ring now..." Roy comments. "And it
looks like there's a bit of internal strife in The Neo-Knight
Sabers."
     "Makes you wonder if things are all well in there" HG replies
quietly.
     Once again the two of them circle each other, seemingly
unwilling to attack. DarkWind and Kyrind call out for Locke to
attack, but Locke merely turns to yell them down. Darrien swiftly
tags Thane who vaults into the ring and draws his hands back,
building up a powerful attack. Locke turns back just in time to see
Thane releases a powerful chi blast with a cry of "Shinkuuhadoken!"
He barely brings up his force field in time to block most of the
energy, but is still caught by some of the blast and flung back
into the ropes, before collapsing to the mat.
     "Massive date-ripper blast there from Thane!" HG calls out.
"Looks like Locke is down for good!"
     Thane raises his right fist, crying out his own victory, but
is interrupted by a whistle from behind him. Turning he sees Kathy
there, staring up at him with her huge, cute eyes. Kathy says
something to him that makes him come closer, then lean over the
ropes to chat with her, totally ignoring Locke.
     "My god!  Kathy actually did something!" HG calls out.
     "She probably was prompted by Bert." Roy replies.
     "But I cannot believe that Thane would fall for such an
obvious trap." HG comments. "Is blue all that is on his mind? Is he
so hard-up for some trouser action that he'd fall for that? Does he
really think that she wants to get ludy with him?"
     "Naw" Roy replies. "He's just rock stupid."
     Kathy continues flattering Thane's ego and sticking her chest
out as Locke makes his way over to his corner and Tags Darkwind.
Darkwind immediately runs at Thane, grabbing him from behind and
overhead throwing him onto the mat. Darkwind then elbow drops on
him and finally goes for a pin. The robo-ref reaches a two count
before Darrien runs in and pulls Darkwind off.  Darkwind rises to
face Darrien, and the two of them glare at each other for an
instant before Darkwind shoves Darrien away. Thane spins on the
floor, sweeping Darkwind's legs out from underneath him and leaping
to his feet, then both he and Darrien elbow drop onto the
shapeshifter. Thane departs the ring and Darrien pulls Darkwind to
his feet then puts him in a headlock.  Darkwind's arms flail around
as Darrien slowly chokes him.
     "Darrien with a chokehold!" Roy calls out. "Looks like
DorkFish is going for a fall here."
     "And not before time either!" HG adds.
     Suddenly Darrien releases Darkwind, staggering back and
clutching his head. Darkwind straightens up and proudly holds up
his prize - Darrien's headband! He slowly and methodically places
the strip of cloth around his head, then walks over to the still
staggering Darrien.
     "And Darrien's totally lost it!" HG calls out.
     "It's like that headband was his security blanket!" Roy
exclaims. "Or his brain or his tool or something!"
     Grabbing him by an arm and a leg, he lifts the empath up and
onto his shoulders. Darkwind then restructures his legs to resemble
pistons more than anything and takes a huge leap straight up and
lands on the mat kneeling, busting Darrien's back over his
shoulders.
     "DarkWind with the DarkWind Shoulderlift!" HG Calls out.
"Darrien's gotta be out of it now"
     He then athletically flips backwards, still holding onto
Darrien and pinning him. The robo-ref reaches a three-count, ant
the match is over.

WINNER: NEO-KNIGHT SABRES

     DarkWind strides up to the Robo-Ref and grabs the mike from
it. "Hey Darrien and Thane!" You two guys ought to stick to
fighting trees! You might just stand a chance!" And with that,
Darkwind throws aside the microphone and leaps out of the ring to
join the rest of the Neo-Knight Sabres. 
     "Oh that's just tooly," Roy comments. "First he beats him
senseless, then he steals his headband. Now he's insulting him!"
     "You wouldn't get away with that in Lithgow," HG adds. "Five
minutes later, the offended party would be back with a shotgun."
     "It's just unsporting" Roy adds. "Wait a minute...  Looks like
Darrien is making it back to his feet!"
     Darrien struggles to his feet and grabs the discarded Mike.
"Darkwind!" He calls out, slightly weakly. "Don't just walk away
from me!"
     "What's going on?!" Roy yells out.
     "Looks like he's issuing a challenge!"
     "If you think you can get away with this, you are mistaken,"
he calls out. The crowd cheers wildly. "I'm challenging you."
     DarkWind turns around to stare at him. "A challenge from you?
How amusing."
     "I wand what is rightfully mine!" Darrien calls out. "I want
to see you at Elmer Fight Scene Four: Insert Title here!"
     "Oh sure." DarkWind replied. "I'm game. It's not like there's
any danger in it for me."
     "Oh boy. Here we go again" Roy states flatly, picking up a
magazine.
     "We'll be back shortly with tonight's final match" HG ads. As
we fade out to the commercials, we see that Kyrind and Locke are
arguing by the ring.

[Ads: Velvet Elvis]

     "We're back here in the Area for the final match of the night.
And what a match it is," Roy exclaims.
     "Yes, indeed Roy." HG replies. "Tonight, we have AAA's first
ever all-Transformer match between four of TrasFicdom's meanest
competitors.  Two males, two females, all contrived down to a safe
two meters or so. And what do we know about these bots?"
     "Well, first up, we have an unusual pairing. Eleven is a
Quaroom, which is a non-violent, infinity worshiping sect of
Transformer. Eleven here is their high priest, and leader of a
special commando team called Negative Zero. He's an excellent
marksman, natural born leader, smugly superior and an incessant
whiner."
     "Sort of like a transformer version of ACL?"
     "Kind of like that." Roy adds. "And tonight he's paired up
with Echowarrior. This guy is a Maximal Fuzor, half bat and half
Dolphin, who is literally his author made metal. He has the ability
to sense the future, is super strong, travels through time and has
met Captain Kirk."
     "Wow. Sounds like he's at near Gonterman levels of self
insertion," HG comments. "And here they come now!"
     Green Day's "Basket Case" cues up as a robot wielding an
electric guitar appears and begins playing the along. Eleven and
Acid Rain walk down to the ring, followed by Echowarrior. The music
ends as the Guitar transforms into Eleven's sister, Seven and walks
down to the ring with the other robot, Firecracker. Eleven and
Echowarrior climb in to the ring. The crowd tops everyone's
expectations by managing to get even uglier.
     "And tonight they'll be going up against the Cyberfemmes Star
Ruby and Slasher Red," Roy comments. "Star Ruby is Megatron's wife
and mother of his two children."
     "I didn't think that was possible for Transformers," HG
comments.
     "You'd be amazed at what they get up to in fanfics," Roy
replies slyly. "And with her tonight will be Slasher Red, a Maximal
warrior and Dinobot's girlfriend"
     "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" cues up and almost instantly turns
into "Weird Al's" "Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch" as the Cyberfemme
team enters.
     "They're out in force tonight" HG notes, observing not just
Star Ruby and Slasher Red, but also the other Cyberfemmes -
DeathAngel, Razormoon, Snow Blaze and Phoenix. The team make their
way down to the ring and barge past the other Zeroes. Star Ruby and
Slasher climb into the ring while the others stand around.
     "And to keep them under control, we have a special guest
referee and special guest announcer!"  HG calls out. "So will you
get them out and bash them together until they're broken and
useless for Lord Galvatron and TV's Megastorm!"
     The opening theme to Super Machine Lifeform Beast Wars Second
blares out over the speakers at Galvatron and Megastorm stride down
to the ring.  Megastorm has a whistle around his neck and has his
upper arms painted in white and black stripes. He climbs into the
ring while Galvatron sits down next to Roy and HG. Roy greets him
with a friendly "Good to have you on the show"
     "It's good to be here, Roy," Galvatron replies.
     "Any reason why you're here tonight?" HG asks.
     "Well, it's simple. I've been responsible for introducing most
of these wonderful individuals to the SVAM public. So I thought
that it was fitting that I should be in attendance. Besides which,
you'll need my brother to keep these bots under control"
     "Hey, are gonna get on with it!" Slasher calls out. "I wanna
reduce these Zeros to nothing!"
     "Megastorm? If you would be so good?" Galvatron asks him.
     "Sure thing bro!" Megastorm rings the bell, signalling the
start of the final match.

     MATCH FOUR: ELEVEN and ECHOWARRIOR vs CYBERFEMMES (Star Ruby
and Slasher Red)

     As the bell rings Eleven and Slasher Red leap out of the ring.
Star Ruby and EchoWarrior leap at each other, with EchoWarrior
managing to surprise Star Ruby with a hit to the face with his tail
fin/hand. He follows this up with a series of quick punches to her
head and torso. As Star Ruby staggers from the hits, EchoWarrior
grabs her and powerbombs her into the mat for a pin.  Megastorm is
able to get to two before she kicks out.
     "Brutal start there from EchoWarrior" Roy notes. "He seems to
have hit Star Ruby pretty hard"
     "Well... EW is one of the strongest, toughest fastest and most
agile Maximals ever," Galvatron replies. "Star Ruby's more
concentrated on speed and agility. And with her at his size, he's
got a definite advantage."
     Star Ruby manages to get back to her feet, and plants a good
kick into EchoWarrior's midsection. As EchoWarrior staggers from
the hit, she punches him repeatedly in the face, followed by an
elbow slam. Ruby grabs him in a suplex, but EchoWarrior makes a
sudden reversal, slamming her down hard to the mat.
     "Looks like Star Ruby's well out of her depth here," HG notes.
"It seems that fin-boys gonna win it without Eleven's help."
     "Hope not." Roy replies. "Could you imagine him ever shutting
up about it?" They both roll their eyes at the thought. "The guy
could talk the date off a dead dog."
     "Indeed. It's an excellent quality in an Avatar," Galvatron
comments. "But being able to beat the crap out of someone is pretty
useful as well," he adds.
     EchoWarrior tries for a drop on Star Ruby, but she manages to
roll out of the way. She kicks him in the midesction again, but he
grabs her leg, twists it around and slams  her to the mat for a
third time. Suddenly, Slasher leaps into the ring with a surprise
behind clothesline on Echo-Warrior.
     "Surprise hit from Slasher!" Roy exclaims.
     "Looks like it's not over yet for the CyberFemmes!" HG calls
out.
     "Anything but those two whiners," Roy adds, quietly.
     Megastorm turns to Slasher and orders her out of the ring. She
gives him the finger, and complies. EchoWarroir scampers to his
side of the ring and tags Eleven.
     "And Eleven's in now," Galvatron calls out. "I'm really proud
of this guy. I think he's one of my stars."
     "So how do you think he'll fare against Star Ruby?" Roy asks.
     "Eleven's pretty resilient," Galvatron replies. "It's a
possibility that he can compensate for her speed. That, and she's
already worn out from her fight with EchoWarrior."
     Eleven runs in and hits Star Ruby hard in the face with a
punch.  She manages to stay on her feet, and reply with a kick and
trip. As Eleven crashes to the mat, she tries to leap onto him.
Eleven is just able to roll out of the way, and both of them are
back on their feet. Eleven hits Star Ruby a couple of times,
staggering her, and leaps back to the ropes.
     "What's he up to?" Galvatron asks.
     "Looks like he's about to give her a good hard boot," Roy
replies as Eleven leaps off the ring, firing his thrusters as he
goes. He crashes into Star Ruby, but she is able to roll with it,
converting the collision into a flip that sends Eleven crashing put
of the ring and onto the floor.
     "Surprise reversal there from Star Ruby!" HG Calls out.
     Eleven staggers to his feet, only to be slammed from behind
into a turnbuckle by DeathAngel. Megastorm rolls out of the ring to
call off the angry young CyberFemme, allowing Eleven to get away
from her. Megastorm gives DeathAngel and the rest of the CyberFemme
team a thorough lecture on the rues... And fails to notice Star
Ruby jetting up onto one of the turnbuckles
     "What's she up to?" Galvatron asks.
     "Incoming!" HG yells. The two of them leap away from the table
as Star Ruby leaps down and at Eleven. He just manages to duck
under her leap, sending her sprawling into the Romulan
commentator's desk. Eleven grabs the stunned Star Ruby and throws
her back into the ring. He also vaults back in.
     "That was a near thing," Roy comments as the three of them
resume their seats.
     "Nearly knocked the plumbing out of me," HG replies. "I think
we almost had a brown emergency there."
     Once back in the ring, Eleven pounces on Star Ruby and slams
her down to the mat. He immediately grabs her leg in what appears
to be a very painful ankle lock, crying out "How does it feel to be
oppressed, Con?"
     "I don't know much about how these things affect you robots,"
Roy comments to Galvatron "But Star Ruby's gotta be in a whole date
load of pain."
     "You are right there, Roy," Galvatron replies. "Although, for
some reason, some Autobots seem to be rather weak in the
shoulders."
     "What's she up to now?" HG asks. "She seems to be looking up
into the audience for something..." The camera pans up to show
Megatron, Soundwave and Starscream in the audience. Starscream
fakes a yawn, Soundwave maintains his usual indifference, and
Megatron gives a theatrical thumbs down. "Looks like someone's
enjoying this," he adds.
     Back in the ring, Megaastorm is trying to convince Star Ruby
to tap out. This means that he is too busy to notice Slasher Red
leaping at Eleven from behind and clobbering him. Slasher quickly
pulls the stunned Eleven off Star Ruby, and tags her. Eleven
manages to scamper over to his corner and tag EchoWarriror.
     "Tags by both teams," Roy comments. "This should be
interesting - Slasher's a very physical fighter, and may be a match
for EchoWarrior's strength."
     Slasher runs in and leap-kicks EchoWarrior to the mat, then
grabs him and slams him with a flying powerbomb.. She then, much to
everyone's surprise, switches to her Beast Mode, and wraps her jaws
around EchoWarrior's head.
     "This is really turning violent here!" Roy exclaims.
"Slasher's got Echowarrior in... well, I guess you could call it a
headlock."
     "This could be hard for him to get out of," HG notes. "We
could be seeing a CyberFemme victory here tonight."
     "Don't be too sure. EchoWarrior's a very tricky little Avatar"
Galvatron adds, leaning back on his chair.
     True to Galvatron's words, EchoWarrior switches to his fuzor
mode, throwing Slasher off. He then quickly reverts to his robot
mode, and delivers a series of swift kicks to Slahser's face. She
leaps back and returns to her robot mode, only to be slapped
repeatedly around the face with EchoWarrior's fin/hand.
     "Looks like this could be it for the CyberFemmes" Roy
comments. "No, wait! What's going on here?!" He calls out as a
figure leaps down form the audience - an orange and brown striped
Velociraptor.
     "It's Dinobot!" HG calls out. "What's he doing here?!"
     "Helping out his fiancee. What did you expect?" Galvatron
adds, smugly. Dinobot transforms into his robot mode, grabs
EchoWarrior from behind and slams him down - hard onto the mat. He
then turns to Slasher, and helps her to her feet. And then body
flips her down onto Echowarror.
     "Or not" Roy replies to Galvatron, somewhat smugly.
     MegaStorm barges over to Dinobot, and demands to know what
he's up to. Suddenly, Weird Al's "Everything You Know is Wrong"
blares over the speakers as a small, boxy red car drives down the
ramp, and transforms into a robot somewhat resembling a cross
between Bumblebee and Cliffjumper.
     "Who is that?!" Galvatron exclaims. "He's not on any of my
lists!"
     "It's BumbleJumper!" Roy calls out, excitedly.
     "That explains our little gremlin in the sound system," HG
adds as BumbleJumper runs up to the ring, leaps into the air and
pulls a folded metal chair out from seemingly nowhere. "And he's
got a chair!" Bumble-Jumper brings the chair down, hard, on
Megastorm's head, knocking him out cold. "And he just flattened the
ref!"
     "He can't do that to my brother!" Galvatron yells out.
     "He just did" Roy replies.
     Both BumbleJumper and Dinobot flee the ring with speed as
EchoWarrior picks himself out from under Slasher. Suddenly,
DeathAngel appears out of thin air and grabs him from behind. She
delicately flips over, bringing EchoWarrior's head down hard on the
mat. Eleven tries to run in, but is grabbed by Phoenix and
RazorMoon. SnowBlaze and Star Ruby clamber into the ring.
     "And the CyberFemmes are in the ring! There's no ref! The
match is out of control!" HG exclaims excitedly.
     "And it looks like it's all over for EchoWarror and Eleven"
Roy comments. "No... Wait!" RazorMoon  is shoulder-barged by Acid
rain, sending the two of them crashing into the stairs. She is
quickly joined by Seven, Firecracker, Eleven and EchoWarrior in an
all-in brawl on the CyberFemmes.
     "This is totally out of control!" Galvatron yells out.
     "Isn't it great?" HG replies.
     RazorMoon gets Firecracker in a behind armlock, only to be
somewhat surprised when his arm pops out of his shoulder. She is
even more surprised when Acid Rain grabs the arm and clubs her with
it.
     "Gobots," Roy and HG say at once. Galvatron grits his teeth in
frustration.
     "Well, look at this," Roy says, checking his watch. It appears
that we are indeed out of time here in DJ's Area."
     "What?!" Galvatron calls out.
     "'Fraid so" Roy replies.
     "But the match..." Galvatron adds, looking worried.
     "They'll sort it out," Roy replies.
     "Sadly we've come to the end of another fight scene." HG said
as the fight continued on in the ring. "I'd like to thank all our
fighters here tonight - Michael Austin, Husthar Reneth, Nightman,
Captain Universe, Sailor Alpha, Issei Mataloun, TurtleNinja, Adam
Sheehan, Darrien Brill, Thane, DarkWind, Locke Sommerville, Star
Ruby, Slasher Red, Eleven and-" Echo-Warrior was thrown out of the
ring and slammed - hard - to the ground. "...EchoWarrior. I'd also
like to thank you the audience, weather you're at home on the flop
and fiddle or here in DJ Croft's Area! So take them out and bang
them and bang them good and hard and we'll see you next Fight
Scene!" he finishes as Eleven gets up, only to receive SnowBlaze
full in the face.
     "It never ends," Roy mutters.

End Notes:
     Husthar is taken from the terrible Robotech fanfic series
"Protoculture's Children". HG's summary of him is pretty much on
the mark. Especially the bit about every woman in the universe
instantly falling for him. This fic is another one of those ones
that will never have a good MSTIng because a) It's too long and b)
The Author would never let you hear the end of it.
     Bert Van Millet is another BGC SI, whose series consisted of
a guy called Bert falling through space and time, joining the
Knight Sabres on a flimsy excuse, building a super hardsuit, saving
everyone who was meant to die and wooing Nene. (Yuck Eh?) The Role
for him in this fight scene was inspired by the fact that both
"Tales of the Red Knight Sabre" (Kyrind) and "ESPer Chronicles"
(Locke) were written as follow-ups (Bert even cameos in them), with
"Bubblegum Shift" (DarkWind) being inspired by it.
     BumbleJumper is... Well, go ask Dinobot. I can't be bothered
explaining it now.