As the show opens, the camera slowly pans over the screaming audience, 
the shot eventually coming to rest on the announcing team of Mike Tenay, 
Jim Ross, and Ric Flair.  They've moved to a ringside table with monitors 
supplying them with views of the battlefield's extremities.  As the tournament's 
theme music ("Ready or Not" by the Fugees) blares, JR shouts: "Welcome to 
the opening round of the Author Avatar Tournament!  We are here *live*
from Neo-Tokyo, where I and my colleagues will have the chance to call some 
of the greatest matchups in fanfiction history!"  

     Flair smiles his 'Nature boy' smile wide and adds: "We've heard all 
the talk, and now it's time for the self-insertion boys to put up or shut 
up!"  

     Tenay finishes as Queen's Princes of the Universe' cues up, saying, 
"And now we go directly to our first bout, which pits David Kintobor of 
Team Foxfire against Sailor Soulstone!"

     The silhouettes of Jonathan Brisby and his lieutenants, Kintobor 
(A were-fox with two tails) and Star Mech, appear on the large monitor 
screen.  Each Team Foxfire member is revealed with a spotlight. Once the 
guitars kick in Team Foxfire emerges from the curtains, accompanied with 
a pyrotechnic blast. They begin their stroll down to the arena. They are
greeted primarily with boos, although a few "I'm a Gonterholic" signs can 
be seen popping up from the crowd.
     Jim scowls at the Foxfire group as they head to the center of the 
battlefield.  "How long are these critters gonna take?  This is the 
slowest ring entrance I've ever seen!"
     Tenay adds, in his 'serious' voice, "This is probably only the 
beginning, JR.  I've heard that Team Foxfire likes to 'share their 
knowledge' with the crowd before their matches.  Many people have 
compared their lectures to that of the Hollywood faction of WCW's 
own nWo."
     JR blanches, and looks very afraid.
     "Don't worry, you get used to it after a while," Flair says.
     Team Foxfire is in full force. Kintobor, Star Mech, Mech Tail, 
and Edward swagger down the aisle, lead by manager Jonathan Brisby 
and "spiritual advisor" Grandpa Coyote.
     Jonathan, cranks up his always intense smugness even more as he 
pulls out a microphone.  "I can just FEEL the love coming from each 
and every one of you in Neo-Tokyo tonight!" he declares.  As Grandpa 
Coyote takes the mic and introduces Foxfire's support crew (Mech Tail 
and Edward), we cut back to the announcer's booth.  Tenay has pulled 
out a stack of the Viz "Maison Ikkoku" graphic novels and 
some headphones.  Flair has pulled out a dogeared copy of the Sports 
Illustrated Swimsuit issue.  Both are completely oblivious to Team 
Foxfire's antics in the ring.  Jim, however, didn't come prepared.  
We can see JR's eyes glaze over as he tries to fend off boredom. 
     Back in the ring, we hear Coyote further stroking Jonathan's 
ego, citing him as in the running for Mickey's place as the world's 
most popular mouse. Jonathan feigns modesty and struts for the crowd.  
Jonathan proclaims, "Tonight begins Team Foxfire's crusade to claim 
their rightful place as the rulers of the multiverse!  We've got the 
toughest characters, the BEST stories, and we're all backed by the 
indestructible ego of Gonterman! You might as well hand that belt 
over to ME and my boys, because none of these other posers even 
stands a chance!"
     Kintobor then takes the mic. "Ladies and Gentlemen!  Boys 
and girls!  Children of all ages!  Are you ready to meet the 
TAG-TEAM RULERS OF THE WOOOOOORLD?!  The cyber fox, David Kintobor!  
The armored bad ass, Star Mech!  WE ARE TEAM FOXFIRE!!" 
     The crowd is absolutely howling at them now.  Back at the 
announcers table, we see Jim's internal struggle cease.  His eyes 
roll back into his head, and he passes out.     
     Kintobor keeps the mic in hand to speak. "I'm fed up with that 
FREAK, the 'happy hermaphrodite', OSCAR! If that hentai keeps trying 
to steal MY thunder in this tournament...." He brandishes his Prism 
Rifle. "...Then let's just say I have a *special gift* for Oscie!" 
     This draws a mixed pop from the crowd.
     Jonathan Brisby takes the mic back.  "And now, here's the human 
sacrifice to the glory of Foxfire!  He may be the only male Senshi 
(this provokes laughter and smirks from the guys), but he's still 
just another road bump before our well-oiled muscle machine!  Here 
he comes...THE TRANSVESTITE LOSER IN A FUKU, SAILOR SOULSTONE!!"
     However, Sailor Soulstone doesn't come out as his indecipherable 
intro music plays. 
	Back at the announcer's booth, it's as if a sixth sense has 
notified Tenay and Flair that the Foxfire interview is over.  
They're putting away their stuff and putting their headsets back on. 
Flair is shaking JR to wake him up.
     Back in the battlefield, we see Brisby smirk as he says, "It 
looks like the freak can get at least ONE thing *straight*... he 
knew he was gonna lose, so he didn't even show up!"  
     The crowd's boos turn to cheers, however, as they see Soulstone 
come charging out of Team Foxfire's ring entrance.  He clotheslines 
Kintobor from behind.  Jonathan fearfully scampers out of the ring.  
With a furious offense, Soulstone cleans house, utterly demolishing
the other members of Team Foxfire.
     Jim Ross, now fully conscious and composed, yells, "MAH GOD!  
I haven't seen a transvestite this angry since the last time I saw Chyna!" 

MATCH 1: FOXFIRE vs SOULSTONE

     With Kintobor reeling, Soulstone ditches his trenchcoat.  He is 
ready to fight. His costume is not a fuku, but a one-piece bodysuit. 
It's much like a plain, dark green version of Sting's attire. It has a 
gold cross running down the front.  However, he is wearing a Sailor 
tiara.    
 	Tenay screams, "And Sailor Soulstone is red hot tonight!  Kintobor 
is staggered by an amazing dropkick!"
     JR notes, "This boy can jump like a Senshi, I'll give him that!"
     Tenay continues, excitedly, "If Soulstone can get out his magic 
sword, Eternity, then we may see a major upset tonight!"
     "I don't know about *that*," Flair counters.  "You may not like 
his talk, but you have to love what Kintobor does in the ring.  And 
I'll put my money on the fox with the gun!" 
     The Nature Boy's words are prophetic.  Soulstone makes his mistake 
when he tries a suicide dive to the outside.  Kintobor quickly rolls 
out of the way, and Soulstone is left reeling for the first time in 
this battle.  Kintobor takes control.  He drags Soulstone back inside, 
and begins punishing him with a series of bionically powered punches.
     "Soulstone is getting absolutely slaughtered now, folks, and... 
hey, what's that?" Ross says.  The camera zooms in on an arena employee 
depositing a box in Soulstone's corner.
     Foxfire throws Soulstone out of the ring and continues hammering 
away at his gut with bionic kicks and punches.  Soulstone manages to 
dodge one, and staggers back to the inside of the ring.  Foxfire follows 
and his bionic arm glows with electrical energy as he charges for a
clothesline. Soulstone quickly grabs his arm.  Bravely resisting the 
shock of the electric energy, he spins around to Foxfire's back, grabs 
his head, and delivers a vicious tornado DDT!
     "Somewhere, Chavo Guerrero jr. must be smiling, as fellow underdog 
Soulstone connects!", Tenay notes.
     "Absolutely beautiful! WHOOOO!" Flair adds in admiration.
     "AND ETERNITY IS OUT!," Tenay suddenly screams.  The crowd erupts 
in cheers as Soulstone forms the blade and prepares to finish Kintobor 
with the Holy Explosion.
     Unfortunately, Soulstone is too close to the ropes.  Jonathan Brisby 
dashes in, jumps up, and grabs onto his arms. As Soulstone turns and 
clocks Brisby with the sword (to the crowd's delight), Foxfire gets in 
a hard kidney punch.  Then Foxfire grabs him and performs the Foxfire
Thunderbomb  (the Crucifix Powerbomb, also known as the Outsider's/Razor's 
Edge).  
     The Robo-ref counts.  1... 2... 3!
     "Damn!" Ross exclaims.  "It looks like your winner is David 'Foxfire' 
Kintobor of Team Foxfire!  He'll advance in the tournament, but only 
because of his weasel manager...
     "He's a mouse, Jim," Tenay interrupts softly.
     "IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH!"  
     Team Foxfire leaves to celebrate, as Soulstone pulls himself up 
from the canvas.  He looks absolutely heartbroken and angry.  As he heads 
to his corner, he notices the box and opens it.
     "Uh-oh, boys!  We've got some real action going on the ring!" Flair 
exclaims.
     Soulstone pulls out a bouquet of roses.  The camera zooms in on a 
card that says "Good luck!  All my love, Tuxedo Chris."
     Back at the announcer's booth, Ross moans "Oh no, it looks like 
Tuxedo Chris STILL doesn't know that Soulstone is a guy!"
     Tenay adds, "Soulstone looks angry... I hope this action doesn't 
come back to haunt Tuxedo Chris!"
     Flair can't stop laughing.

MATCH TWO: TUXEDO CHRIS VS. GENERAL PATTERSON

     General Patterson's music, "Show Me the Prize", blares through the 
arena as Patterson slowly begins making his way to the ring.  Tenay says, 
"Before we begin our next match, I have a special report to give about 
our next combatant, General Patterson. This Moon Kingdom warrior is 
reportedly a TRILLION times more powerful than Sailor Moon..."
     A video of Patterson at his finest, fighting Negaverse minions, 
ordering the Senshi, and in general acting nigh-omnipotent, plays. 
Tenay's voice continues, "Already the self-proclaimed finest warrior in 
the Moon Kingdom, General Patterson hopes to "acquire" new recruits from
other realms to expand his dominance in the multiverse.  He thinks that 
thanking the Author Avatar belt would be the best way to prove to 
everyone just how perfect he really is!"
     "Well, he'll have to go through an opponent who definitely knows 
how to style next...even though he's got a crush on a *guy*," Flair 
laughs.
     A variant of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" announces Tuxedo 
Chris.  The fans can be seen dancing along with Chris as the singer 
blares "I'm too sexy for my rose, too sexy for my rose and everyone 
knows!" He is accompanied to the ring by Molly, the Sailor Senshi of 
the sun, in full Senshi battle dress.
     Chris struts his stuff, handing out a rose to a lady at ring 
side. He receives a major pop from the fans.  
     Ross looks on as Molly makes her way to the announcer's booth.  
"Looks like we have a guest coming," he says.  Tenay graciously 
gives up his seat and headset so Molly can take her place at ringside 
as a guest commentator. 
     As Tenay leaves, we hear Flair yell after him, "While you're gone, 
get me and Jim some beers!"
     "And some nachos!" Jim adds.
     "Sure guys! Can I have some mon --" Tenay stops short as he sees 
that Jim and Ric have completely forgotten about him and are absorbed 
in talking to Sailor Molly.  Tenay sighs, and then meekly walks off to 
the concession stand.
     "Welcome to the show, Miss Molly," JR says.
      Molly smiles wide and replies "Hiya, mista Rauss! Itsa pleasha 
bein' heuh!" 
     Flair does a double take as he hears her speak.  He whispers to Jim, 
"Isn't she supposed to be Japanese?"  
     Jim shrugs, and asks Molly "So what's it like living on the Tuxedo 
Chris estate?"
     Molly's eyes glaze over in a very disturbing way.  She breathlessly 
gushes, "Ooh, Touxedo Chreas is th' most *amazin'* man in th' woild! He's 
so *seu-ave* and *maucho*..." Molly emits a girlish squeal of delight as 
Chris waves at her from the ring.
     Ric and Jim look at each other, and then roll their eyes in unison.
     "Now, with Patterson's massive magical skill and Chris' reality 
warping powers, we'll have to put up protective force fields for both the 
fans AND us."  As Ross speaks, a shimmering energy field forms around the 
announcer's booth.  Similar, but BIGGER ones shoot up to cover the fans.   
     The bell rings, and in no time at all, the match becomes a vicious 
fire-fight! Chris and Patterson launch and deflect each other's blasts 
as they dash around the arena.  We hear fans scream as energy blasts 
slam into the force fields.
     "MAH GOD!!  I've never seen *anything* like this!"  Ross shouts 
as a blast explodes on the announcers' force field.
     "Where the hell is Tenay with the beers?" Flair asks no one in 
particular.
     Molly squeals with delight as Chris manages to graze Patterson 
with an energy blast.  "Yay!  Go, Chreas, go!"
     "Look at that!" Flair exclaims, as the camera finds Nav in the 
upper seats.  He's getting his sniping rifle ready. 
     Jim proclaims, "Somebody had better call security!"
     Back at the match, Patterson and Chris have decided to make this 
fight physical. They've locked their respective weapons (Patterson 
with his saber, Chris with his cane).  A roundhouse from Chris breaks 
the stalemate and...
     Flair suddenly busts out laughing.  "It's Sailor Soulstone!" Sailor 
Soulstone is storming down the aisle and he doesn't look happy...
     Oblivious to the angry male Senshi, both combatants are focusing, 
charging up their spells. Just as Chris is about to unleash one of 
his reality twisting blasts, Patterson tosses off a spell.  Instead of 
impacting with force it explodes in a dazzling burst of light a few 
inches from Chris' face.
     "Wuat was THAT?!" Molly exclaims.
     "Oldest trick in the book, honey," Flair says sagaciously.  
"Patterson may have put a fancy twist on it, but that's still the one 
of my personal favorites: the powder-in-the-face trick!"
     "If that's so," Ross adds, "Then that means that Tuxedo Chris 
can't aim!"
     Chris' blast goes off wildly, shooting out of the ring...
     "OH MAH GOD!  TUXEDO CHRIS JUST HIT SAILOR SOULSTONE!"           
     Soulstone collapses into a heap. Patterson throws the blinded 
Chris against the ropes.
	Patterson prepares him for the Bigby Crush (a.k.a. the spinebuster) 
when...
     KA-BLAM!
     "Was that a gunshot?" Flair asks in surprise.  
     "It must have been!  Look at Patterson! He's bleeding!" Ross says.
     "Patterson's limping, too... he must've taken that shot in the leg!" 
     The camera immediately zooms to a fuming Nav, dashing out of the 
stands and swearing.
     "I don't think he meant to hit Patterson!" Ross exclaims.  "It looks 
like Nav just gave his arch-enemy a leg up!"    
     As Patterson attempts to heal his wound, Chris kicks him in the 
abdomen, hooks his arms and delivers the Tuxedo Press. 
     Molly screams with delight as Flair says, "Yeah, Nav just ended this 
one!  Tuxedo Chris will advance... I'd love to see him face Nav in the 
second round! WHOOO!"
     "Nav still has an opponent of his own to go through, and... hey, 
it looks like Soulstone is recovering!" Ross squints at the monitor. 
"Is it just me, or..."
     Flair grins maliciously as he looks on.  "No, it's not!"
      Soulstone looks...different. Slimmer, more rounded, more... 
feminine. 
     Flair finishes, with a devilish grin on his face, "At least Tux-boy's 
affections are legit now."
     Soulstone is struck speechless at 'her' new form.  When Chris sees 
his beloved for the first time, he grins widely and begins dashing off 
towards 'her'.  The incidental version of the theme to Ranma 1/2's first 
season (Wild Like You) spontaneously cues up in the background as 
Soulstone-chan runs away from the amorous Tuxedo Chris, all the while 
trying to explain that she's a guy.

MATCH 3: CAPTAIN UNIVERSE vs ADAM CHRIS LEIGH

     Tenay comes back to the announcer's booth with a tray of beer and 
nachos.  Jim and Flair grab their orders.
     Tenay doesn't even try to get them to pay him.  He just gets his 
order of Sprite and popcorn and begins snacking, too. Ross says, 
"While we take a quick snack break here, we're going to go to Michael 
Cole at the VIP section.  Take it away, Mike!"
     The camera slowly pans over the crowd to the VIP section.  Mike 
smiles, and says, "Hi! While the combatants in today's AA tournament 
are stars in their own right, what's almost as interesting are the 
stars who turned out to see them.  I'm here in the VIP section. This 
area of seating is reserved entirely for MiSTers and the characters 
from the animes that today's authors picked for their insertion!  So 
of course, our guests of honor are Michael J. Nelson, Tom Servo,
and Crow, who are here on a special day pass..." The camera pans over 
to Mike and the bots.
	Mike, dressed in a formal black jumpsuit, waves.  
     "... but we've also got numerous other stars on hand.  There's 
A-ko and C-ko, and the Sailor Senshi as well... You'll notice Tenchi 
Masaki there with Ryoko and Ayeka -- it looks like the ladies are 
arguing about something -- and... well, here's a surprise!  We have 
some personalities form the wrestling world here!"  The camera pans 
over to show Eric Bischoff, Steve 'Sting' Borden, Bret Hart, and  
'Diamond Dallas' Page Faulkenberg sitting together in the first row.  
     "What are you guys doing here?" Mike asks, then he proffers the 
mic for their responses. 
     Steve replies "Well, we had to read "Sailor Moon vs. The WWF" 
a few weeks ago, so we got free tickets."
     Eric nods, and adds "We figured there was a 15 in 16 chance of 
seeing somebody kick Oscar's ass, so we decided to come."  Then Page 
stands up and abruptly grabs the microphone. 
	He makes sure to get his face squarely in the camera, and he 
ostentatiously shows off his Wolf T-shirt.  
     Page says, "Maybe that did it for them, but I'm here for one 
reason and ONE reason only... to cheer FOR MY MAN WOLF!   
WOLF-A-RIIIINE!"  Before Mike can take the mic back, Bret grabs it 
and says "Well, you'd better be ready to see Wolf go down!  He's 
facing Pat Lee tonight, and my t-shirt says it all... (Bret stands 
up and takes off his  Hitman' jacket, revealing his Pat Lee T-shirt)...   
the 'Excellence of Omnipotence'." 
     "Um, yeah... thanks, guys.  But the real reason I'm here is because 
of one MiSTer..." 
	The camera pans across Jamie Jeans, Megane 6.7, Shinji, and Seth 
Triggs to reveal... 
	"Seated right here,  next to the brilliant and cute scientist Washu 
is Samantha Jones. This lovely redhead is a trained fighter in her own 
right. She is a regular at Club Anipike, and has helped out the ladies 
of the Kazei Five squad in a few adventures. As a result of her many  
'assignments' she has first hand knowledge of many of AAA's participants... 
and a well-known hatred for Self-insertion author Adam Chris Leigh.  
There could very well be trouble tonight, and if there is, I'll be on the 
scene.  Back to you, Jim."
     The announcers are sending Tenay off to dump their trash, as the 
arena goes dark.   "More Human than Human" plays as beams of dazzling 
light shine from the center of the ring.
	Suddenly, in a brilliant blue flash, Captain Universe appears there.
     As Tenay, returns, Ross comments, "The crowd is really getting behind 
this superhero!"
     "Either that, or everyone hates Adam Chris Leigh," Flair replies.
     Cap's cosmic psychedelic music ends abruptly, as the opening theme of 
the "Tenchi Muyo" TV series cues up. Adam Chris Leigh, in full Juraian 
battle gear strides down the ring. 
     The camera cuts to an obviously flustered Samantha...
     The match opens as Adam assaults Cap with a flurry of flying kicks, 
a frankenstiener, and other aerial moves. 
     "I expected to see a godlike fighter in Adam Chris Leigh... but I 
was not expecting to see him *wrestle*," Tenay marvels.
     "You may not see it for long!  Captain Universe with a vicious 
shoulderblock and... he's going for the Universe Cosmos Blast!  But it's 
no good, as Adam summons up the Wings of the Lighthawk to block," Ross comments.  
     The camera briefly pans over to Samantha, who is arguing with Washu 
over Adam's clearly stolen techniques.
     "What in the name of Nick Bockwinkle is Leigh doing?" Flair 
exclaims.
     "Adam is calling forth his Mighty Flo-Bee (TM)!" Tenay screams. 
     Adam blasts Cap to the ropes with a shockwave of air. 
     "Now Adam with the Juraian Spike! [super kick, a.k.a. Sweet Chin 
Music] This is all over!" Ross finishes.
     "I can't believe this!  Captain Universe was the odds-on favorite 
in this match, and he got absolutely Goldberged!" Tenay says.
     Ross adds, "Well, we've got a post-match interview with Leigh.  
So, Mike?"
     Michael Cole is standing in the ring entrance with Adam.  Mike 
says, "Well, Adam, that was an amazing victory to say the least...what 
do you have to say?"
     Adam proclaims, "Now that I have found my Mighty Flo-Bee, I am now
UNBEATABLE!  Now that I'm fully powered, maybe Ryoko will return my 
calls! [At that, a voice from the VIP section is heard shouting, "NOT 
LIKELY, FANBOY!"]  And Kiyone and that ditz Mihoshi will HAVE to take 
me seriously!"
     Suddenly, a ki blast erupts from the stands explodes across the 
entryway. Mike's hair is singed, but Adam has been knocked out cold. 
The camera cuts to Samantha, now standing, her hands crackling with 
energy. The glow dies down, and Samantha sighs blissfully as she sits
down. Michael Cole mumbles about hazard pay as the camera cuts back 
on to Mike Tenay at the announcers booth. 
      Tenay begins, "While we prepare for the next match-up, we have 
a short report about our next combatant... Pat Lee."  A video montage 
of Pat Lee's tournament against the characters of the Ranmaverse cues 
up. We see Pat casually throttle Kuno and then promptly defeat the
other fighters, cumulating in his battle versus Ranma.  Tenay's voice 
over says, "Pat Lee's dominance over the friends and enemies of Ranma 
Saotome has been well documented. As good a cook as Kasumi, as cunning 
as Nabiki, and seemingly omniscient, Pat has solved almost all the
romantic and family quandaries within the Ranmaverse -- hence his 
catchphrase, 'The Excellence of Omnipotence'. As a combatant in the 
AAA tournament, he hopes to bring his unique brand of enlightenment 
to other series as well..."
     The camera goes to a close-up of Pat, who is speaking to an 
unseen interviewer. "You see, this whole Negaverse mess could be 
dealt with by simply convincing the Evil Forces to switch to a more 
efficient source of energy than human life, like solar or wind power. 
And as for those kids from Neon Genesis Evangelion, their problems 
aren't so tough. I could fix them right up, with a few hour-long 
sessions..."  
     "As thrilling as his plans are, we must return to the match..." 
Tenay finishes in a sudden burst of sarcasm.

MATCH 4: PAT LEE vs WOLF

     As Glacier's theme music cues up, Pat Lee confidently makes his 
way down the aisle. He's decked out in a golden yellow shirt and red 
leggings akin to Ranma's gi.    
     Then the beginning guitar licks of Metallica's "Unforgiven" begin 
and the arena erupts in cheers. The camera pans back to the VIP 
section, where we see Samantha and Wahsu staring at DDP as he loudly 
marks out for Wolf.  The whole crowd is chanting "WOLF-A-RINE!"  Wolf 
is focused as he comes out, dressed in a snug T-Shirt, camoflauged 
fatigues, and a holstered Uzi. 
     Ross smiles as he says, "The crowd is really getting behind this 
lone warrior! And I have to admit, I like anyone who has the guts to 
stand up against Team Foxfire!"
      Wolf enters the ring, pulls his Uzi, and fires a lot of blanks 
into the air.  The crowd roars.  Pat, however, is aghast at this, and 
he quickly calls over the robo-ref.
     Pat immediately grabs the mic and says, "This guy should NOT be 
allowed to compete!" A chorus of boos from the crowd follows.  Pat 
continues, "He brought a *gun* to a hand-to-hand fight and is 
*clearly* not in his right mind!  And he's a giant rodent, fer crying out
loud!"
     "What is Pat *doing*?" Flair wonders aloud.
     "I think I've seen this before.  It's a strategy Pat used against 
Kodachi Kuno..." Tenay trails off.
     The robo-ref ponders Pat's speech for a second, and then announces 
over the PA, "Due to mental instability, Wolf has been disqualified from 
this match." 
     "Using a plot contrivance to disqualify your opponent?  That's LOW, 
even for these guys!" Ross exclaims in disgust.
     "I wouldn't have expected any *less* from one of Bret Hart's 
favorites..." Flair grumbles bitterly. 
     The audience has begun pelting Pat and the Robo ref with garbage. 
Wolf, however, is amazingly cool, simply cracking his knuckles.  
     Suddenly, Wolf impales the robo-ref from behind with his adamantium 
claws. 
     "Of course, Kodachi never had claws..." Tenay remarks.
     Wolf continues to dismantle the robo-ref , to an uproarious chant 
of "WOLF-A-RINE!" As he is chucking parts over the ropes, Pat launches a 
Roaring Lion Bullet into his back. Pat then leaps upon Wolf, assaulting 
him with a flurry of punches and kicks, backing him into the corner. 
Wolf seems to stagger, but suddenly stands upright, tilts his head 
back, and howls. 
     "GOOD GAWD! And an amazing rush from Wolf!  Pat's barely managed 
to get his Dragon Scale Shield up in time!" Ross exclaims.
     Tenay continues, excitedly, "And now Wolf throws Pat Lee into the 
ropes! *Vicious* shoulderblock, and Wolf setting Pat up for... is that 
a vertical suplex?"
     "I DON'T THINK SO!  He dropped the Bruce wanna-be right on his 
head!"  Flair exclaims.
     "You're right!  That's the AK-47, Wolf's finishing move!" Tenay 
replies.
     "Well, Pat Lee's gonna advance in the tournament, but I'd say the 
real winner here was Wolf!  He's heading back to the dressing room area 
now and... oh no, it's that little weasel Brisby!" says Ross.  
      Jonathan is laughing his butt off. Brisby smirks and says, 
"Remind me, what were you going to do to me, and how will you do it if 
you didn't even make it past the *first round*?"
     Ross says, "I would NOT say that to a guy like Wolf, especially 
after he had to lose to a guy like Pat!" 
     "I would, if I had my Horsemen ready for a sneak attack..." Flair 
says darkly.
     Flair's implications are correct.  Jonathan brings in his cavalry; 
Team Foxfire charges in behind him. Jonathan grasps his magic amulet and 
advances, his crimson aura increasing. 
     "Wolf's gotten himself into a bad situation here... I'm not sure 
if even he can take on Team Foxfire alone!" Ross says. 
     Flair says, "Am I the only one who notices that Kintobor is 
missing?"
     Suddenly a golden beam of energy roars from the stands, scattering 
Team Foxfire across the aisle way. The camera cuts to Oscar, in Super 
Saiyen mode, hovering over the stands! 
     "It looks like Oscar is making his presence felt early!" Tenay 
exclaims.
     Oscar floats down to the ring. He lets out a yell, and his power 
aura flares. The crowd is absolutely going insane. Wolf looks back at 
Oscar, and then turns toward a speechless Jonathan and dazed Foxfire team 
with a feral grin.
     Jonathan smiles sheepishly, turns, and bolts backstage with Team 
Foxfire, with a frenzied Wolf in hot pursuit!
     "Rip him a new one for me, Wolf!" Ross yells.

END HOUR 1   

     During the break, Adam Chris Leigh storms up to the VIP section in 
the front row, points out Samantha and delivers a few choice words toward 
her and her Galaxy Policewomen friends. His insults range from mocking 
the intelligence of Mihoshi to outlandish lewd remarks regarding 
Samantha's friendship with Kiyone and Mihoshi. It takes the combined 
strength of Ryoko and A-Ko to hold Samantha back. Doug Dillenger and his 
security team drag Adam from the VIP stands. He grudgingly returns to the
dressing room, mocking her all the way...

MATCH 5: NAV vs CRAIG VINCENT

     Ross smiles at the camera as he says, "And we're back!  Our next match 
is a contest of marksmanship, so what better person to provide guest commentary 
than Kazei Five's most famous mercenary, Marta Nys!"
     Ric Flair is practically giddy with joy. Tenay looks at Ric and 
ventures, "You know, Ric, I had to leave last time..."
     Ric's expression undergoes a lightning-fast change.  He glowers 
murderously at Tenay, and says, "There's a reason why they call them 
Flair-chops, Mike."
     Tenay quickly relinquishes his headset and scampers off to the VIP 
section. 
     Ric smiles suavely as Marta takes her seat.  He says, "Hello, Ms. 
Nys.  Allow me to say that you are one *classy* lady... and as the 
thirteen-time heavyweight champion of the world, I *know* class."
     Marta looks at Ric and smiles sweetly.  "You're cute," she says.  
"You remind me of my grandpa."
     Ric's heart audibly snaps.
     Ross squirms uncomfortably.  "So, Marta would you like to explain 
the stipulations of this match to us?" 
     "Sure. In place of real bullets, Craig and Nav are using hard 
plastic  stunner' bullets. For added protection, both men are also wearing 
bulletproof gear.  Instead of fighting to get a pin in the ring, Craig and 
Nav will be hunting each other in the battle field.  Of course, the 
battlefield is filled with mist to make it more interesting.  After all, 
MiSTs always make these guys' stories more interesting."
      The police sirens and hard-rockin' guitars that comprise Perry 
Saturn's WCW intro music signal the arrival of Nav. Cocking his trademark 
sniper rifle, he dashes into the mist filled hunting arena...
     As Nav disappears into the fog, The Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" blares 
across the arena. A mixture of cheers and boos greet Craig Vincent, 
decked out with his protective vest, kevlar trenchcoat and headband. 
He draws a pair of Magnums and enters the hunting grounds...
     "We have special cameras tracking Nav and Craig, so don't worry 
about missing any of the action at home," Ross reports.  "You'll have to 
forgive us if there's not a lot of commentary here, but what can you say 
about two guys trying to shoot each other?"
     In the background, we can hear Ric softly weeping.     
     Through the hazy arena, Nav launches a few semi-automatic shots. 
Craig tumbles to safety and returns fire. Craig makes a wild dash across 
a cleared area, firing desperately as Nav clips him in the shoulder. 
     "But you've gotta admit, these guys are really giving it their all!  
Too bad the bullets aren't real," Ross says with an evil grin. Marta 
shrugs regarding the two marksmen.  
     "Amateurs," Marta states non-chalantly.
     "We've lost track of Nav... he must be reloading, while Craig is 
heading to his crow's nest.  Craig seems to be firing at random... no, he 
just hit a steam pipe!  It's spraying steam all over Nav!  Amazing 
marksmanship there; we couldn't even see him!"
     "*You* couldn't even see him," Marta corrects.
     Nav desperately scrambles across the scaffolding as Craig unleashes 
fire on him. Nav dives off the ledge, tumbles along the ground and lurches 
into the darkness.  Craig stands on top of the ledge, scanning the fog 
below with his infrared sighting.  A round object is hurled from
the mist and lands at Craig's feet. 
     "WHAT A MINUTE!", Ross exclaims. "THAT'S A..."
      ***KA-BOOM!!!***
      A fiery explosion launches Craig from the ledge and he lands on the 
ground in a heap. He slowly stands up, clutching his side. 
     "Where the hell did Nav get that!?! Is that legal!?" Ross shouts. 
     "What else were you expecting from Nav?" Marta replies.  
"I'm surprised he isn't using a bazooka."
     Nav bolts out of the fog and rams the butt of his rifle into Craig's 
already wounded ribs. Craig falls to the ground in pain. His bent rifle 
now useless, Nav tosses it aside, and scales up the collapsed scaffolding. 
     "I know that move!" Ross yells.  "That's the Desert Eagle Moonsault!  
Not only is Nav going to advance in the tournament, but he completely 
demolished Craig, too!  That was amazing!"
     Marta yawns, puts down her headset, and wanders off.
      The demented Nav continues to kick his defeated foe, hollering how 
he'll do the same to Tuxedo Chris. Craig's buddy Myles Buchanan and Tuxedo 
Chris dash into the hunting grounds and Pearl Harbor Nav. They clear out 
as the massive Bane arrives (ala the Batman villain Bane, minus the mask). 
Bane attempts to revive Nav, who babbles "Please, Miss Galore, you're 
insatiable!"  Bane smacks him across the him across the head and
tells him to knock it off.
     As Tenay returns, we see Flair adjust his jacket and generally try 
to compose himself.  While putting on his headset, Tenay asks, "So how'd 
it go, Ric?"
     Moving with amazing speed for a man his age, Ric picks up a nearby 
chair and chucks it at Tenay.  Tenay barely manages to dodge.  
     "What did I do?" Tenay manages to squeak out to JR.
     "Just do your report, Mike."
     "Right, right," Tenay says as he straightens up and tries to look 
professional.  "And now... a peek into the lives of Craig Vincent and 
Myles Buchanan." 
     A series video clips showing them battling mechs, as well as their 
attempts to woo B-Ko and A-Ko, respectively, roll as Tenay does his 
voice over.
     "Craig and Myles. A pair of "typical" college students in search of 
fun, beer, and women. [We hear Ric 'WHOOO!' in the background] Despite 
their combined prowess, their efforts to impress the women of Graviton 
City University have been for moot. B-ko was too focused for vengeance.  
A-Ko was torn between her yearnings for Kei and the almost obsessive
affections of C-Ko --" 
     The voice over is briefly broken by the sound of Jim Ross gagging.  
Tenay nods in sympathy and looks rather queasy himself.  But bravely, 
he continues.
     "These men hope that, through their efforts in the AAA tournament, 
they will gain the attention they deserve, particularly from the ladies 
of the anime world." 
     We can distinctly hear Flair laughing.
     The  "A-Ko vs B-Ko" fight theme cues up, announcing Myles' arrival.

MATCH 6: MYLES BUCHANAN vs TAKEI

     Myles enters the ring in full Mousse attire (white kung-fu robe and,  
of course, the ultra thick glasses). He performs a practice technique as  
"War Machine" plays throughout the arena. The glistening armored form of 
Takei strides down the ring. Halfway down, his knuckle buster gauntlet 
charges up, and he makes a flying leap into the ring.
     "A guy in power armor versus a geek in robes?  This should be short," 
Ross scoffs.
     "Don't underestimate Myles," Tenay returns.  "He actually has amazing 
super-strength!"
     "He'd have to, to lift those glasses," Flair adds.
     Takei and Myles exchange a vicious series of punches. 
     Ross looks down the aisle just in time to see Bane making his way to 
the announcers booth.  "It looks like we have *another* guest. Guys?"  
Ross looks at Tenay and Flair expectantly.
     Mike has already taken his headset off when Flair says, "I need 
another beer.  Sit down, Mike." Mike obediently sits down as Ric hands 
his headset to Bane. 
     Ross asks, "So Bane, what's this we hear about you leaving the 
anti-Sailor Moon league?"
     Bane explains, "Oh, I still hate the Sailor Senshi, but some of
the people I was attracting were... well, frightening. (An atheist Neo-Nazi 
springs to his mind.) Instead, I'm going to focus on winning the heart of a 
lady from one of my favorite series, A-Ko. Unlike Myles, I have more *class*, 
more respect..."
     "Oh, wow. Both of these combatants look really exhausted!" Tenay notes.  
As usual, he's the only one paying attention to the match. Myles is clutching 
his leg, and Takei's hardsuit is very battered. Takei snatches Myles and 
attempts to put him in the Midnight Rambler (a Torture Rack-style submission 
hold). Myles squirms free, grips one of Takei's bionic arms, and rips it loose! 
A knuckle buster to the head sends Myles flying over the ropes, his glasses 
shattered.
     "If you'll excuse me, I have an ass-kicking to get to." Bane leaves the 
announcers booth and promptly begins beating on Myles.
     "It looks like Bane is taking revenge for Buchanan's earlier assault 
on Nav... and Myles just SMACKED Bane across the head with TAKEI'S BIONIC 
ARM!" JR gleefully shouts.  
     "Bane is *enraged*!" Tenay adds. Bane quickly throttles Myles with a 
double axhandle, then hoists him up. 
     "Knightsbane Shoulderbreaker!" Tenay screams. 
     Bane then throws the crippled Myles back into the ring for Takei to pin.
     "That *was* short," JR finishes.  "Anyhow, we've got Michael Cole 
ready with an interview while we get ready for the next match.  Mike?"
     The camera cuts to Michael Cole backstage with Oscar back stage. 
Standing to the side is a petite, white haired girl with a crescent moon 
on her forehead.  Michael looks at Oscar and says, "Well, everyone here has 
gained a lot of respect for you after your defense of Wolf earlier in the 
program.  Could you tell us a little bit about exactly *why* you hate Team
Foxfire so much?"
     Oscar looks down and then says, grimly, "All my life, I've been 
attempting to explain my interest in anthropomorphic characters, 
especially the females. David Kronos, you give us furry fans a bad name. 
Your mindless tirades with Sonic, Sally Acorn, and Gadget Hackwrench are
simply embarrassing. You and your thugs are too immature to handle 
relationships with these unique creatures." Oscar puts a hand on the 
shoulder of the teenaged girl, who happily cuddles up to him.
     "No one in Team Foxfire understands my relationship with Artemis. 
Hell, I don't think anyone does. But when I've defeated Kronos and 
Kintobor, and claim my rightful title as AAA Net Champion, no one will 
see me as a 'furvert' any longer, but as a soul who cares about his 
furry friends..."
     As the interview ends, an annoyed Ross responds, "Yes, and bending 
the wills of Felicia, Fifi LaFume and Lola Bunny so they fall in love 
with you is *so* much better!"
     Flair, just returning with a nice fresh beer, smirks. "Three furry 
females in a row?  He's quite a ladies' man! Maybe he should move to his 
own species." 
     Tenay is still baffled from the footage. "How did Artemis become a 
busty young *girl*?"

MATCH 7: OSCAR vs TARUCHI

     Taruchi, the intermediate god with faster-than-light powers, strides 
proudly to the ring. The arena goes dark, the dramatic music of Goldust 
rings out as a spotlight pans to the aisle way. 
     "Well, whether you love him or you hate him, you have to pay attention 
when one of the multiverse's most prominent Author Avatars makes his way to 
the ring," Flair says. 
     Oscar is garbed in an orange martial arts gi, ala Dragon Ball's Goku.  
The energy shields go up over the announcers and the crowd.
     "We've got another firefight on our hands, folks!" Ross shouts as 
energy blasts explode around him.  "Oscar and Taruchi are dodging each 
other's energy blasts with blinding speed!"  Taruchi quickly teleports out 
of the way of one of Oscar's ki blasts...only to be met with a spinning 
roundhouse to the side of the head. Oscar launches the dazed
Taruchi into the ropes and... 
     "Oscar with a frankensteiner!  And now the KAMEHAMEHA!!" Tenay yells.
Taruchi flies over the top ropes and lies still as the Robo-ref counts to 
ten.
     "And you were talking about Captain Universe getting Goldberged, 
Tenay!  This match was an absolute squash!" Ross says.
     Flair nods, and adds, "Taruchi may be a god, but he was just out of 
his league."
          A chorus of boos erupts from the crowd as David Kintobor struts 
to the ring.  He mocks Oscar, crotch-chopping along the way. 
     Ross says, "Now Oscar and Kintobor trading insults..." 
     Then Flair yells, "SNEAK ATTACK!  Star Mech from behind with a *low* 
blow!" Star Mech swiftly grabs Oscar around his head and delivers the Star 
Mech Lunar Drop. 
     Tenay is staring in shock.  "That's... that's a Reverse DDT!  I can't 
believe he did that with --"
     A howl of rage erupts from the VIP section.  The camera zips over to 
show Steve Borden, his face burning with rage.  He looks like he's ready 
to jump the railing, but Bret and DDP are holding him back.  Eric is in 
front of him, obviously trying to calm him down. Steve is shouting,
"THAT'S MY MOVE!! NOBODY DEATH-DROPS OSCAR BUT ME, YOU GONTERMAN
BASTARDS!!!"  Star Mech looks on, suddenly looking a bit afraid. Kintobor 
just laughs and proceeds to fire a round of crotch-chops off at Steve.   
     Ross says, "I can't BELIEVE Kintobor just did that! Isn't Team 
Foxfire smart enough to be afraid of *anybody*?"
     The camera goes back on to the VIP section.  Steve howls with rage 
again and begins struggling harder.  Bret, utterly exasperated, yells, 
"Oh, COME ON, Steve!  I never went after you for ripping *me* off!"
     The crowd 'Ooooohs' in unison and then goes silent.  Flair jumps 
out of his chair, expectantly saying, "Come on, Steve, come on..."
     ***KRAK!!***
     The crowd erupts into a massive roar as Steve rips one of his hands 
free and absolutely cold-cocks Bret.  Bret falls to the ground unconscious.
     "HIT HIM AGAIN! HIT HIM AGAIN!" Flair chants.
     "OH MAH GOD!  Steve is in an absolute fury!  HE JUST PICKED UP 
BISCHOFF AND THREW HIM INTO PAGE!"  Ross shouts. 
     Then, with quick, fluid motions, Steve pulls a duffel bag out from 
under his chair and...
     "STEVE BORDEN HAS JUST JUMPED THE RAILING!!" Tenay screams.  
     "I've seen that bag before. That's where Steve keeps his ring gear!  
He's ready for a FIGHT!" Flair adds excitedly.
     Kintobor and Star Mech take one look at the angry pro-wrestler 
charging them, then break and run for the back.  Steve slides triumphantly 
into the ring, ignoring Oscar, as the crowd erupts into a chant of "STING!  
STING!"
     Flair is chanting, too.
     Steve grabs a mic and yells, "That's what I THOUGHT!"   
     "Well, Steve Borden may be one of the legends of wrestling, but he's 
still just a fan here! Security is out!  We may see Steve get arrested!" 
Ross says direly.
     However, Steve is already running from Dillinger and his security 
team. He ducks into a small door located just off to the side of the 
opposite entranceway.
     Flair is having an absolute laughing fit.  "That's... that's one of 
the service entrances! Steve can get anywhere in the building from there!"
     Ross smiles and says, "I wonder if Star Mech's gonna do that DDT in 
the next match?"

MATCH 8: DAVEY 'STAR MECH' KRONOS vs KYRIND BRANFORD

     Blue Oyster Cult's "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" cues up as Kyrind 
coolly walks to the ring. He is attired in a dark violet vest and pants, 
and a black cloak. Queen's "I Want It All" cues up, a blast of pyrotechnics 
goes off, and Star Mech, in full armor, strides up to the ring, being lead 
by a confident Jonathan Brisby.
     "I guess Jonathan's there to protect Kronos from the wrath of Sting!" 
Flair giggles.
     Suddenly, Tenay takes off his headset and runs like the proverbial bat 
out of hell. The reason becomes apparent as Jonathan struts over to booth, 
grabs Tenay's headset, and designates himself as a guest commentator for 
this match.
     "Aren't you going to *welcome* me, JR?" Brisby says, oozing arrogance.
     "Well... no," Ross says.
     Jonathan sneers. "That's not surprising, coming from *you*.  Well, 
Team Foxfire is gonna rule the world, so you guys had better get USED to 
being *nice* to me!  And if ANYONE-- from Oscar to Wolf to Sailor Soulstone 
to that LOSER that ran out of the stands today --thinks they can stop us, 
they are in for a RUDE AWAKENING!"
     "No, Steve put an end to that a few years back," Flair says calmly.
     Brisby, in the heat of his rant, ignores Ric and continues.  "Once 
Star Mech is done with Kyrind, he is going to *3:16* Oscar in the semi-finals!!"
     Ross glares openly at Brisby. "'3:16'?  Hey, Ric, I have an... ah... 
*personal* call to make. Do you mind going this match alone?"
     Ric stares at JR for a moment, and then smiles wickedly as he realizes 
what he's up to. "Why, *of course*, JR!  I'd be more than happy to watch 
things for you!  Say hi to Mr. Williams for me."
     Brisby stares at Flair.  "Who's Mr. Williams?"
     "Oh, no one important.  Now, let's get to the match..."
     Kyrind and Star Mech are exchanging a series of throws and punches. 
Kyrind, using telekinesis gains the upper hand by super charging his blows 
and sends Star Mech reeling for the corner. 
     "Using superpowers is NOT legal!" Jonathan whines.  "Where's the 
ref?"
     "Now Kyrind is going up top!" Flair says.  "Big missile dropkick!!  
WHOOO!"
     "COME ON, KRONOS, COME ON!!"  Brisby shouts.
          A bloodied Star Mech is clinging to the ropes as Kyrind  
charges up his Psychic Vortex (a tackle similar to Bison's Psycho Crusher 
from Street Fighter). 
     "I guess there's only going to be *one* David in the next round!" 
Flair says rather pointedly.  Suddenly Jonathan stands up on the announcer's 
table. 
     "Kyrind, you want power!? You got it!" he shouts. Jonathan grabs his 
amulet.  His red power aura glimmers a crimson glow and lets loose a red 
beam of energy that nails Kyrind in the back. He turns to face off against 
Jonathan when, surprise-surprise, Kintobor slides in behind him, spins him 
around, kicks him in the abdomen, and drops him with the Foxfire 
Thunderbomb. He drapes the stunned Star Mech over Kyrind for the win.
     "Not bad," Flair says.  Jonathan looks at him quizzically.  "Hey, 
I am the dirtiest player in the game," Flair continues.  "The only problem 
you boys seem to have is that you don't know when to quit!" 
     Star Mech and Kintobor continue to stomp Kyrind into the mat. 
     "Because if you let yourself be *too* bad, then you're just setting 
yourself up to be knocked down by the first hero that comes along," 
Flair continues sagaciously. 
     Right in keeping with the Nature Boy's words, Oscar and Wolf dash 
into the ring to stop their assault. Grandpa Coyote, brandishing a cell 
phone, brings in Edward and Mech Tail for back-up.
	Jonathan also takes off to help. The battle looks grim as a green 
shimmering figure materializes in. The glow fades revealing the now-Miss 
Sailor Soulstone. She draws her Eternity Blade and drills Kintobor with 
an arc of spiritual energy. The crowd is on their feet, screaming and
cheering.  Team Foxfire exits the ring and circles the trio, still 
poised to strike.
     "Well, we seem to be out of time, and I'm the only one left!  
I'm going for some more Brewskis now, but be sure to join me for the 
*second* round of the Author's Avatar tournament! Until then, I am the 
NAT'CHA BOY, Ric Flair, signing off for my colleagues Mike Tenay and
Jim Ross!  Good night and God bless!"  Flair flashes the four fingers 
of the Horsemen and gives the fans a final  WHOOO!' as the camera fades 
to black.