The Place: The Romantic Moon Battle Arena in Neo-Tokyo, Japan.  

It is a starry, beautiful night.

     The camera opens onto a pale, crystalline synthetic battlefield, roughly the size 
of a football field. The central section is bare, while the ends are 
littered with pillars and pedestals. Located in each of  the  goal areas' just 
outside the war zone are large-screen TVs, displaying up-close shots of the battlefield.

     The camera pans across an arena jam-packed with cheering fans. Homemade signs
blossom out of the sea of humanity: "Saiya-jin Power," "Wolf-a-rine," "Gonterman 3:16",
"Ratliff is the ICON," and even "Sailor Moon Fears DiC." 

     Pyrotechnics erupt in the entry way.  The fountains of sparks and shooting fireworks  signal
the beginning of the First Annual Author Avatar Tournament! The crowd cheers in excitement.

     The camera quickly stops at a booth located just off of the entrance ramp. 
Seated at the broadcast booth is Jim Ross, who is adjusting his glasses and wearing his
trademark cowboy hat. Remarkably, seated next to him are WCW announcer Mike Tenay and
the legendary veteran wrestler, the  Nature Boy' --  Ric Flair.

     Over the mike, Ross welcomes the sold-out Arena to this unique event. 
     "Welcome to Neo-Tokyo, one of the greatest cities in the multiverse!" Ross begins.  "No,
you aren't hallucinating!  I am here, LIVE, with WCW's own  Professor' Mike Tenay and the true
Living Legend, Ric Flair!  Yes, WWF and WCW have joined forces to bring the First-EVER
Author Avatar Tournament." 
     "And all the *finest* from all walks of animation -- [at this point the camera pans into the
crowd, showing animated Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, the cast of Magic Knight Rayearth,
Hitomi Kanzaki, Van Fanel, and Darkwing Duck among others] -- are here to watch what are
sure to be some of the GREATEST battles in the UNIVERSE!" Flair declared. "WHOOOO!"
     "How very true," Tenay observes. "The concept of  self-insertion 
is quite a common theme within the multiverse. This usage of proxy characters 
to carry out the fantasies of fan fiction authors has been a long tradition on the Internet."
     "And tonight," Ross added, "the most prominent, the most POWERFUL self-inserted
characters in the animation world will test their strengths against each other.  The winner will
not only receive the Author Avatar championship, but WILL be declared the most ridiculously
powerful character in all fan fiction!"
     "Indeed, Jimmy," Flair said, smiling,  "All these boys have become prime-time players in
their *own* little worlds. But I've always said, to be the man you have to BEAT the man!  And
here, they have to lay it all out and prove if they can truly walk with the big boys of fan fiction!"  
       Tenay continued. "And in the week leading up to this big event, I've 
had a chance to get to learn the inner workings and motivations of these unique 
characters. Already, egos are beginning to clash . . . "

     The clip tape of Tenay's various interviews cues up. The first 
scene shows Tenay with David "Foxfire" Kintobor, apparently in the middle of 
tuning up his bionic arm. Foxfire has the mike, clearly emotional as Tenay does 
his voice over:

     "In a recent interview, David 'Foxfire' Kintobor engaged in 15 minute long rant, proclaiming
that the influence of the gay lifestyle has corrupted his fellow Sailor Scout
teammate Artemis.  He went on to say that Oscar was nothing but an unoriginal wanna-be."  
     Jim Ross broke in. "So David decided to call the kettle black." 
     Tenay nodded, and continued. "It seems that David has no problems what so ever with a
Zoophilic relationship unless it's a gay one." 
     In the clip, Oscar suddenly barges into the scene and slams Foxfire across the 
back of the head with a steel chair. Immediately, The Saiya-jin stomps 
upon the battered Kitsune. Through the assault, Oscar shouts "YOU DON'T 
UNDERSTAND WHAT WE SHARE!  YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND US!". As  Doug 
Dillinger dragged him off, he taunted the fallen Foxfire. 
     "AND AT LEAST I NEVER SLEPT WITH MY SISTER, YOU @#$%!!!" 

     Cut to a wiry young adult. He has spiked brownish blonde hair, a goatee, 
and is clothed in a tank top, headband, and camouflage leggings. The nearby 
Tenay is clearly wary, as the threatening figure adjusts his sniping rifle.
     "Nav's hatred of the Sailor Senshi has known no bounds," Tenay's 
voice over explains, "and upon learning that Tuxedo Chris is married to at least three of them, 
he has decided to eliminate any chance that the Senshi may have children by eliminating 
Chris." Tenay flinches as Nav  bolts up and, in one swift motion, launches 
a hunting knife toward the wall, precisely hitting a black-and-white picture of Tuxedo 
Chris. A devious grin spreads across Nav's face.  "Nav also announced that he planned to strike a
fatal blow to the forces of Mooniedom by eliminating competitors Sailor Soulstone, David
Kintobor, Oscar, and Star Mech."

     Fade into the spacious Tuxedo Chris estate in Rockbridge County. Chris is against a wooden
fence, in full Tuxedo Mask gear, preening over a picture of a long haired, sword wielding 
figure in a dark green trenchcoat . . . 
     "Chris on the other hand has proclaimed himself to be an omnipotent moon 
GOD," Tenay continues, "and wishes to take out Nav before he kills Sailor 
Soulstone.  Apparently, Chris wishes to continue his blatant acts 
of bigamy, by marrying her . . . "
     "Shouldn't we tell Chris that Soulstone's a *guy?*" Ross interrupts. Ric 
Flair hushes him, laughing deviously.  

      The next clip is the Rescue Ranger's tree HQ. Tenay is inside with Wolf and Gadget. 
However, all the furniture is roughly child-sized, so Tenay has to sit on the floor.  
     Ross looks wide-eyed at the clip, and then turns to Tenay.  "Mike, the Rescue Rangers live
in a glorified birdhouse.  How the hell did you get in?"
     "As a special stipulation, Wolf, his equipment, his headquarters, and his valet were increased
in size in order to be able to compete.  Right now he's about 4 feet tall," Tenay explained.
     "Giant rodents and self-insertion authors.  There's never been a better match," Flair added
with a sarcastic smile.
     Back to the clip.  Tenay  is with Wolf and Gadget in the rec room. The furry assassin
removes some beers from the fridge. He chucks one to Gadget and the other to  Tenay. Then,
with a *SNIKT*, he takes his metal claws and pops the top off his brewski. He toasts the lovely
Gadget and laughs heartily before guzzling his beer. Gadget laughs lightly and turns to Tenay.
She mouths the words "HELP ME!". Tenay nods sympathetically. As his voice over begins, the
shot fades onto Jonathan Brisby, strutting & posing for the camera like Shawn Michaels
(complete with fireworks going off in the background and  elaborate' heart-studded tights).
     "Wolf has claimed that Star Mech's manager Jonathan Brisby has been trying to make time
with his valet, the lovely Gadget Hackwrench.  Since Wolf is the best there is at what he does, he
will add David's crystal shooter to his huge gun collection as an act of revenge.  Star Mech has
responded by saying that he will do to Wolf what Magneto did to Wolverine . . . " 
     The clip show ends with Star Mech standing triumphantly over a fallen youma, his 
trenchcoat blowing in the wind. Jonathan is at his side, jeering the youma general, complete
with DX crotch chops.  
     "So did you talk to any of the other competitors?" Ross asked, as the camera returned to the
booth.
     "I talked to *all* of them," Tenay said, showing the first signs of irritation he had ever
exhibited in his entire life.  "Trust me, these guys were the *modest* authors."

     As we return to the control panel, the pop-style music of "I Know You 
Want Me!" plays over the arena's magically perfect sound system. Instead of Sunny, images of a
lovely black haired girl are presented. The lady, from her athletic build, ninja outfit, and katana, 
she is clearly identified as Marta Nys. The crowd, especially the males, erupts in cheer 
as a precise blend of sexy photo shoots, and fluid action scenes that would impress 
Chou Yun Fat appear on the screens. The rampway to the cleared area of the arena 
lights up as Marta and Shion approach the ring. Marta is in a low-cut dark blue dress, 
while Shion is in a more conservative but equally elegant black dress.
     "The Sisters Nys are here to open the event!" Ross states.
     "They're looking simply incredible tonight" Tenay adds. He notices that Ric is smiling 
quite gleefully.
     "Oh, and *especially* the lovely Miss Marta! WHOOOO!" Ric exclaims.   Then Ric
mumbles softly to himself, "I wonder if she's under contract . . . "
     Ross leans over to Tenay. "Should you tell him or should I?" he mutters. 
     "Eh, just let Ric have his fun," he answers softly.

     Marta and Shion each got their own mike and greeted the fans of Neo-Tokyo. 
     "Who's ready to see the largest . . . " Marta paused for a second, and continued, 
"*personalities* in self-insertion?"
     After the cheers, Shion grinned wryly and answered her sister, "I'm definitely looking
forward to seeing these guys duke it out."
     "Well before we get started, we should tell the viewers some of the stipulations . . .  namely,
there are none!  Each Avatar has all of the powers, weapons, and abilities at his disposal that his
author's inflated ego will give him!  And the opening round will be . . . "


Author Avatar Arena--Round 1

David "Kintobor" Foxfire vs. Sailor Soulstone

Tuxedo Chris Caldwell vs. General Patterson

Captain Universe vs. Adam Chris Leigh

Wolf vs. Pat Lee
(Stipulation: Wolf is more human-sized for the matches: about 4' tall)

Craig Vincent vs. Nav

Takei Oruchi vs. Myles Buchanan

Oscar vs. Taruchi

Star Mech vs. Kyrind Branford

***TALE OF THE TAPE***

ADAM LEIGH
     From: Full Circle
     Abilities: His mighty Flo-Bee (TM), Juraian Key
     Allies: Tenchi, Aeka, Ryoko, et al.
     Weaknesses: Tenchi Muyo villains?
CAPTAIN UNIVERSE
     From: Captain Universe & Sailor Moon
     Abilities: Cosmic Energy Power
     Allies: Sailor Moon & Co.
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Queen Beryl, Mystery Marvel villain
CHRIS
     From: Sailor Moon & the Senshi meet Chris
     Abilities: New Tuxedo Kamen
     Allies: Sailor Moon & co.
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Queen Beryl 
CRAIG VINCENT
     From:A-Ko: TCY
     Abilities: Marksmanship, BP Trenchcoat, Mech building
     Allies: Myles Buchanan, A-Ko
     Weaknesses: Hunted by B-ko
KINTOBOR
     From: American Kitsune, Blood & Metal, Mobius Chronicles
     Abilities: Shapeshifting (Fox, fox hybrid), Cybernetics, Net
          communications, Power Rifle, Agar soliloquies
     Allies: Sailor Senshi, Power Rangers, Sonic & his Freedom
          Force
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Queen Beryl, Rita Repulsa, Lord Zedd, Dr Robotnik
KYRIND
     From: Tales of the Red Knightsabres
     Abilities: Esper (Ultra-powerful psionicist)
     Allies: Mackie (with his own hardsuit), Knight Sabers
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Genom
MYLES BUCHANAN
     From:A-Ko: TCY
     Abilities: Exceptional Strength, Detect: A-Ko
     Allies: Craig Vincent
     Weaknesses: Obsessed /w A-ko, Mousse-like vision without glasses
NAV
     From: Bloodbath
     Abilities: Marksmanship, Sniper
     Allies: Bane
     Weaknesses: Hatred: Sailor Senshi
OSCAR
     From: Artemis' Lover, That Girl, SM vs. the WWF
     Abilities: Not only a hermaphrodite, but a Super Saiyen as well!
     Allies: Sailor Moon & co.
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Queen Beryl
PAT LEE
     From: Misadventures of a Foreign Exchange Student
     Abilities: Ranma's martial arts, Kasumi's cooking, Nabiki's guile
          Nigh-omniscience. Fought Ranma to a draw.
     Allies: Ranma, Tendo sisters, Ukyo
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Beth (sister), Shampoo, Kodachi, Kuno, & Mousse
PATTERSON
     From: Time Change
     Abilities: "a TRILLION times" more powerful than Sailor Moon,
          War General, Wizard, Dreamscape "training"
     Allies: Queen Serenity, Sailor Moon et al.
     Weaknesses: Superego, Pride, Hunted by Beryl & Metallia
SOULSTONE
     From: Origin of Sailor Soulstone
     Abilities: Senshi powers, Eternity Sword, Dimension Hop
     Allies: Sailor Senshi, Aaron, Ariel, Aelf
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Generic Demons, "Enthusiastically" religious
STAR MECH
     From: Sailor Moon USA
     Abilities: Flight, Marksmanship, BP Trenchcoat, enhanced senses, 
          Moon Power Rifle, Patriotism
     Allies: Sailor Moon & co.
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Queen Beryl
TAKEI
     From: BGC OVA #1
     Abilities: Hardsuit, Advanced Armor & Weaponry
     Allies: Knight Sabers
     Weaknesses: Hunted by Genom
TARUCHI
     From: Oh Brother
     Abilities:"Faster than Light" powers, AMG-style god
     Allies: Belldandy & Skuld
     Weaknesses: Dislikes: Urd, Dependancy: Sake
WOLF
     From: Shadow Warrior
     Abilities: All of Wolverines powers, Marksmanship, Assassin
     Allies: Rescue Rangers
     Weaknesses: Bloodlust