Just sitting here wasting our precious time since 1997

And this photo from the set of the upcoming Katamari Damacy live-action movie:

And this picture of Yu Suzuki flipping off a magazine journalist:

And this picture of Chun-li's boobies:

And this screenshot from Tashiro Masashi no Princess ga Ippai:

Here at the GHZ, we think outside the box.

For those who ventured here seeking new content, you'll find the only instance of such a thing in the Encyclopedia, which now contains entries pertaining to Sonic CD and Sonic & Tails. There's a bit more spit & polish here and about, but as usual, nothing worth recounting on the front page.

One iGREKKESS of French fansite SegaKore recently posted a 15-minute playthrough of Segasonic the Hedgehog, covering the entire game from start to finish. It's a good download if you ever wanted to see what the game is supposed to look like, when not chugging at half power through a clunky emulator. He was also kind enough to share the game credits, which have been added to the Segasonic museum page. Only family names are listed with first initials, but with a wee bit of research I was able to determine the voice actors, at least -- some valuable information considering this was Sonic's (and Eggman's) first speaking appearance. Sonic is played by Takeshi Kusao, who's got quite a few credits to his name, most prominently Trunks from Dragon Ball Z and Ky Kiske from the Guilty Gear games. Hinako Yoshino (who was Hinako Kanamaru at the time of the Segasonic recordings) provides the voice of Ray, while Yusuke Numata produces the words of Mighty. Both seem to be mainly bit part actors. (Yoshino, for what it's worth, was among the huge cast of extras in Shenmue II.) The original speaking voice of Eggman was Masaharu Satou, who also has a large repertoire, though not many starring roles. It doesn't seem like Sega bent the budget.

The main problem with being stupid, from my experience, is that it makes it difficult to tell when somebody else is being stupid. Of course this opens up a whole can of philosophical worms - if everyone is stupid, but nobody realizes anyone else is stupid, what is it that makes them stupid? If there's a great cosmic standard of intellect that nobody on one isolated planet is aware of, can such a measure be applied to the microcosm in which said planet exists? And by what macrocosmic dictate is the "outer" standard of intellect greater or more viable than the one in use on the planet in question if both, indeed, have the same overall result in their respective domains? Theses have been written, I'm sure, but for our purposes, it means that I, through my ignorance, have been shamefully lead around by what can only be construed as a mistranslation in Sonic Adventure 2. In the English language dialogue and subtitles of the game, Tails identifies ARK as the "first Bernoulli spherical space colony". Bernoulli, it can be assumed, refers to Johann Bernoulli, his brother Jakob, and his offspring, who collectively formed a very prominent family of mathematicians in the late 1600's and early 1700's. To one who is stupid, such as myself, this seems a reasonable enough connection. However, my error (and presumably the error of Sega of America's translators) was recently brought to light by Pyschobob, who wrote the article "On Location with Sonic Adventure" a while back. I double checked the game in reference to Psychobob's tip, and indeed, what Tails actually says in both the original Japanese dialogue and subtitles is "Bernal" space colony. The Bernal sphere is a proposed space habitat first suggested in 1929 by Dr. John Desmond Bernal. Needless to say, this makes much more sense than Bernoulli. But alas, ignorance is not my sole evil, and I am also victim to the sin of sloth. As such, I haven't yet bothered to fix my error on the SA2 page, and probably won't until I get around to it in the cycle of the current museum overhaul (which is currently only up to Sonic & Tails). Still, being that nobody pointed out my error until now, I assume I am among others who are also stupid, so perhaps that "greater" cosmic reality is irrelevant to our microcosm of self-imposed ignorance.

The difference, I think, between scientists and philosophers is that scientists discover something cool and think: "Wow, what do you think this means? Let's find out!" Philosophers, meanwhile, read about what scientists have discovered and think: "Wow, what do you think this means? I bet it means this!" As far as I'm concerned, it all boils down to Shenmue in the end. Everything does. -- Green Gibbon!

HarihariSonic, chief propagator of Japanese Sonic obscurity, recently posted some scans of the Sonic Gameworld manual at Act Select. Our own resident smiley abuser and stupid hat-wearer, big_smile, has compiled the valuable historical documents into this convenient zip file. The manual mainly contains information on the minigames, most notably the casino-themed games that were removed from the US version. (It seems there was a whole floor that got sacrificed.) For those of us who have never ventured to buy Pico's even in the name of research, it is most enlightening. As usual, the information will find its way into the museum as soon as I conquer my indolence.

If you happen to be in the Melbourne area, you might want to swing by the Australian Centre for the Moving Image later this month. From June 22 to October 2, the ACMI games lab will be featuring an exhibition on Sonic and the fan culture surrounding (that's us). I was contacted a few weeks ago about the possibility of including a short video segment on The GHZ as an example of the devotion of fans. I don't know whether or not they decided to go through with that, but GHZ or no, it should be an interesting exhibit.

Another event that may be of pertinence to victims of the blue death is the Video Games Live concert, which will apparently feature music from Sonic, though I'm curious to know exactly which tunes will be played. The first show is Wednesday, July 6 at the Hollywood Bowl, featuring performance by the L.A. Philharmonic. I'll have to sit this one out, but if anyone has plans to attend, I'll be interested in hearing firsthand accounts of the affair. Do bring a camera. -- Green Gibbon!

I also made some adjustments to the museum timeline. It is no longer a Sonic Team timeline, but a Sonic the Hedgehog specific timeline. There are two reasons for this shift: 1) we're at a point where there's just too much stuff. Nobody cares about all 14 different versions of Puyo Fever. PSO has grown into a monkey all its own and there are other (better) fansites for that. Reason #2) whatever remnants of the Sonic Team that once existed still thrive in the conglomeration that is now known as "Sega Studios", the talent has been diluted beyond recovery. Which is to say that all Sonic Team games now, as a rule, suck. That damn Billy Hatcher page is never going to be written. I doubt I'll even bother downloading any more screenshots of Fifth Phantom Saga. It's high time, I believe, to shear this woolly sheep. For the moment, the old non-Sonic game pages are still up, but unless people start freaking out over it, they'll be going, too. Here they are if anyone wants to save them before they disappear:

• NiGHTS
• Christmas NiGHTS
• Burning Rangers
• Chu-Chu Rocket
• Chu-Chu Rocket GBA
• Samba de Amigo
• Samba de Amigo Ver.2000
• Phantasy Star Online
• Phantasy Star Online Ver.2
• Sonic Café

So anyway, a couple nights ago, I dreamt I was in a hotel playing the Shadow game... on an N64. I prefer not to research the Jungian interpretation of that, but perhaps it's symbolic of my morbid curiosity. Watching the game in motion is like staring at roadkill. That debauchery aside, E3 didn't particularly seem to expand the hole in the sinking ship of Sonicdom. Gems Collection is a bit more interesting than the handheld port of Mega Collection that I had predicted, though it would be difficult to call it anything more than a novelty. Sonic CD and Sonic R both seem to be ports of the PC versions as opposed to the console originals, which is fine for Sonic R (the PC version had alot more stuff), but it could mean that Sonic CD will only feature the Spencer Nilsen soundtrack, as that was the one used in all region PC versions of Sonic CD. Sonic the Fighters finally gets a home port, some 10 years after the fact, which is good news for fans, if noone else. The game is kind of emulated on Nebula, but unless you have a Jesus PC, it runs at about 2fps (literally), and even then some graphics don't show up, so for alot of us it'll be our first opportunity to play this game proper. (If "proper" can be applied to any fighting game with the GameCube control pad.) I imagine they're saving Segasonic, Chaotix, and the other 6 Game Gear games for release in Sonic Ultra Collection next year. Maybe they'll throw in those Tiger handhelds.

Sonic DS turned out to be Sonic Rush, and while it thankfully doesn't involve masturbating the touch screen to make Sonic run (like last year's tech demo), it basically amounts to Sonic Advance 4. I don't think the stacked screen system is a good idea, as most Sonic stages aren't constructed vertically, and I'm afraid it'll turn out to be disorientating. It still doesn't make up for the fact that the screen is just too small for a Sonic game, at least lengthwise. Graphically, it's give and take.... the water stage looks cool, but the jungle stage is hideous. A couple people in the forum went so far as to compare it to G Sonic. I also don't understand why you'd have a polygonal Sonic running around in sprite-based stages. Then there's that new character. She seems to be getting mostly mixed reactions in the forum, though as for myself, I fucking hate her (if it is indeed a her). Independent of the fact that I simply don't like her design, a neon purple cyber cat named Blaze was one thing the Sonic universe absolutely did not need. However, shining some rose-colored light onto the situation, it seems that the ugly kitty is going to be the only other playable character, which could potentially result in an S&K style scenario... the only Sonic game that ever really got the multiple characters thing right. That, however, would be assuming that Dimps (who I assume is still doing the dirty work) had any competence whatsoever.

Sega's opened the Sonic Channel website, which seems to be the Japanese version of Sega America's Sonic Central. It's a goddamn Flash site, so you have to click everything three times to make it work. It mostly just links to the Sonic game pages and a couple of wallpapers, but there's also a fairly interesting interview with Masato Nakamura, which can be found translated on the previously-mentioned Sonic Central. Nakamura, of course, hasn't been involved with the Sonic series in any way since 1992, which makes him an unusual subject, especially for an official site. One interesting point is that he seems to suggest "Sweet Sweet Sweet" was based on the Sonic 2 ending theme, and not vice-versa as I had always assumed. Faskinamating.

Sometime around this week or last week, The GHZ achieved its 8th birthday. I tried to commission Pep to give out blowjobs in celebration, but it turns out he's got some policy against groups larger than 10, so... -- Green Gibbon!

Written content and original graphics copyright © 1997-2005 Jared Matte. Sonic the Hedgehog characters, logos, and images are trademarks of SEGA Corporation. The GHZ is an independent fansite and is not affiliated with SEGA Corporation. Webhosting provided by Emulation Zone and Emulation World.