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Just Sitting Here Wasting Our Precious Time since 1997 March 8, 2005

So I just downloaded the trailer for that new Shadow game, and I am actually a bit relieved. Not because the game doesn't look like dogshit, but because the star is not actually Sonic. This way, we can have a Chaotix scenario, where two years down the line we're all like, "Yeah, but that wasn't really a Sonic game." So the thread of hope that the next Sonic might finally be the one to restore the series to its former glory has not quite been severed. Which means, for the time being, at least, I can continue to rest easy at night, with that faint hope lying in the back of my mind. It doesn't hurt that I never really liked Shadow in the first place, and don't particularly care what becomes of his character. Sega could put him a cel-shaded music rhythm game and I don't think I'd be especially offended. I am, however, on far more intimate terms with the platforming genre in general, and this recent trend toward generic "edginess" has resulted in the death of my favorite sport.

From the look of it, Gerald's "Ultimate Life-form" was plunked straight back into the Sonic Adventure 2 engine, given some guns, and told to do something insipid and trendy. He seems to have taken the instructions to heart. It goes without saying that, even if Sega was scrounging around for some new gimmicky idea to satisfy their annual need of Sonic-driven income, tearing a page from the book of American platformer banality was probably the wrong approach. It is also further evidence that Grand Theft Auto is one of those recent big-name titles that has ruined the videogame industry (Pokémon and Devil May Cry are the others, but that's a whole other rant I'm going into there). Silv posted this small comic in the forum, which I will assume he drew himself and so take the liberty of posting here:

My friends, the darkest hour is officially upon us, and we can't even blame Traveller's Tales anymore. -- Green Gibbon!

February 23, 2005

It's old news by now, but I finally got around to playing Sega SuperStars. And it's, um... it's an EyeToy game, alright. Beyond the initial novelty factor - which, unless you play fewer than two games per year, should wear off after about ten minutes - it's altogether pretty insipid. Even when the games function properly, they aren't much fun, and some (namely the Giant Egg and NiGHTS games) are more like tests of endurance for your upper arms. Of the games, I found Puyo to be the most successful, and Virtua Striker deserves honorable mention. The Space Channel 5 game could've been fun if it had worked properly (try as I might, I could never get the "left" trigger to register on time). Even my sister (who is probably about as jaded in terms of games as your sister) got bored with it after the second day. I've never needed any special excuse to flail around in front of my TV screen, and all SuperStars is doing is adding frustration value to that age-old hobby.

If you've been following Big Smile's antics on the newsboard, or perchance reside in the old world and read Nintendo Official Magazine, you may have noticed the most recent interview with the man who is usually (and quite erroneously) attributed with the creation of Sonic. The only point of interest is that he did indeed confirm (to no excitement on my end) the development of a new Sonic game outside of Sonic DS. His attitude about the whole thing is pretty funny (and perhaps revealing): though he still staunchly denies any plans or desire to create a sequel to NiGHTS - and even goes so far as to say they've turned down offers from third parties with such proposals - as soon as Sonic is mentioned, he's all like, "Oh yeah, we're doing another one." The rather incompetent (or perhaps utterly disinterested yet artificially enthusiastic, which would be my guess) interviewer even inquired about the possibility of Sonic being handed out to third party developers, as though it hasn't been happening on a regular basis for the past eight years. Again, Naka's kind of like, "Yeah, we've been doing that." His defense of old masterpieces would indicate that he isn't totally talking out his ass, but if that's the case, it's even worse because it means that they've long since abandoned the will to care for the Sonic series. Just like, "Yeah, doin' another one, 'cause that's what the kids are buying."

There will be a time in the future when we'll wrest control of these series back from the Pokémon generation. Sonic, Mega Man... they'll be cool and fun again. It has to happen. If I abandon that hope, I have nothing left.

Anyway... Every once in a while I like to do something like this. It's all based on true events, so cast your vote wisely. (You don't need to be registered to vote or reply on the poll board, so there's no commitment to drop your name into the unending horror novel that is the GHZ forum.)

I forget how long it's been since I took the beta Sonic Glossary down (based on the emails I've received about it, I would venture to assume that most of you have not), but anyway, it has finally returned as the Sonic Encyclopedia. Not as catchy, maybe, but a bit more descriptive, I think. As of this moment, it only contains entries pertaining to Sonic 1, but I'll continue to add entries chronologically by game, probably as I update the museum pages. For the moment I've decided not to include Zones in the glossary unless they're also major story locations (such as Casinopolis or Twinkle Park). As usual, please give me a kick most swift if you catch any mistakes, or if you think there's something I've missed. -- Green Gibbon!

January 23, 2005

Just a quick note... I'm resizing some of the tables around the site so it no longer looks like ass on resolutions higher than 1024x768. The main background image has already been changed, though, so as of right now most of the pages aren't properly aligned with it. It may be a while before I get the chance to fix all of it, but I think it should still be readable even if the text slops over onto those swell gray squares. (If you're monitor resolution's at 1024x768, you shouldn't notice any difference at all, so please disregard this. If it's lower than that, the site will look like ass either way.)

On the next update, which should be within a couple of weeks, the fabled Sonic Glossary will finally be reopened with all entries pertaining to Sonic 1. In addition to other mindless things I am currently working on, because God forbid I use all of this newfound free time for anything constructive.

In somewhat more somber news, depending on your point of view, Deem Bristow, who has been the official English voice of the mighty Dr. Eggman since Sonic Adventure, has passed away. Of the many renditions of gaming's most relentless villain that I have heard - with respect to industry veteran Chikao Otsuka - Bristow's was hands down my favorite. Whoever Sega picks as the replacement voice of Eggman will have his work cut out for him. -- Green Gibbon!

January 5, 2005

To my recollection, this is the longest the site has ever gone without an update. The last couple months have been a bit rocky, but I have survived to once again behold the light of day. After five and a half years and some fifteen grand (not counting supplies), I finally have my coveted BFA. I suppose my next line of business is to begin the process of desperately seeking employment somewhere that is not a goddamn retail store. Somebody please hire me. I draw a bit, I write a bit, I will work for ridiculously cheap, and I have friends who give free rim jobs, so I'm sure we can work something out.

In the two months since I last clicked on the WS FTP icon at the bottom of my screen, the world's largest retailer of soy burgers and annoying slogans has run another Sonic promotion. Most of the new toys are based on the Asian ones mentioned in the previous update, but some are original. I think there were a total of eight different toys, which would be the biggest Sonic fast food promotion yet, but distribution seems to have been handled based on location. Out of about ten Happy Meals from three different McDonald's, I ended up with only three different toys. And none of them were Big Fishing, darnit. (Incidentally, I think I only ate two of the burgers, and in both cases I regretted it afterwards.)

So I got my DS and made the run through Kimi no Tame Nara Shineru. I seem to be in the minority, but I don't really like it. Very few of the minigames are much fun at all, and some are just frustrating. That damn man-eating plant boss comes to mind, and you're forced to fight that atrocity twice. I'd have probably enjoyed it more if I hadn't played the new Made in Wario first... by the time I got to Kimishine, the novelty of the DS's odd assortment of interfaces had worn off. I didn't even like the one where you get to undress the girl.

I haven't achieved much of anything site-related since the last update... just the usual timeline and Café updates. I schlocked together a new title image, too. The silhouette girl from Kimishine seems to have a knack for getting herself into the most unsettling situations, so I figured she'd be a perfect victim for Cheese, the homicidal kamikaze Chao. I wish him a long and productive reign of terror. (Once again, the full-size version of the image can be found here for those interested in such a thing.)

Anyway, not much to say today, other than I am still alive and have not yet abandoned this inane hobby I call the GHZ. You will most likely not have to wait two months for the next update. -- Green Gibbon!

Written by Jared "Green Gibbon!" Matte. Looks best on Internet Explorer at resolutions of 1024x768 or higher, not that that knowledge will persuade you to change your settings. Hosting provided by Emulation Zone and Emulation World. They're your daddy.