Just sitting here wasting our precious time since 1997

• Hurricane Rita dumped her load on the gulf coast around the Texas/Louisiana border. Power here went out for about 24 hours. The roof lost a shingle. A huge disappointment from what was supposedly the fourth most intense hurricane ever recorded in the Atlantic basin. Category 1 Lili packed a bigger punch.
• Sony released Wander to Kyozou, aka Wander and the Colossus. Despite an average framerate of about 7fps, the game manages to be beautiful, effectively stripping the makings of a quality action RPG down to the overworld and boss fights. That's a bit of an understatement - I should say the best boss fights ever. Regardless, I'm probably one of the few people who had more fun just roaming around the vast landscape, gazing in awe at the attention to detail so minute it will be sought out and appreciated by myself and maybe two other people on the entire planet, and we're the same three who consider Shenmue the best game ever made. Still no sign of those damn sailors, though.
• Microsoft released the Xbox 360. Its debut marks the first time I haven't bought a new console at launch since the N64. I also haven't been this indifferent to a new piece of hardware since the 3DO. Sterile launch line-up aside (as that is now par for the course), I really can't see where the evolution is supposed to be. Motion blur effects?
• Sega released Sonic Rush. It seems to be popular with DS fanboys masturbating furiously over the Hideki Naganuma soundtrack. It does not seem to be especially popular with any other groups. I have yet to play it.
• Sega released Shadow the Hedgehog, crushing a hope I've long held that its announcement was simply mental backlash from some prescription drugs I was taking at the time. It is not even popular with Nintendo fanboys, much less anybody else. I have yet to play it.
• Hwang Woo-Suk's breakthrough stem cell research turns out to be a fraud of stupendous proportions, reaffirming South Korea's role as the ghetto of the technological world. Criminal charges will likely be dropped, however, as the government put the investigation on hold when it became apparent that the whole affair would interfere with their Ragnarok Online time.
• Dragon Quest VIII was released in the US. It's the first time since the 16-bit era that Squaresoft character design has been based on the traditional approach (ie, "I bet a character like this will be fun") as opposed to the modern approach ("based on our market research of popular trends conducted in Hot Topic retail outlets across the nation, a trite, gaudy, and hopelessly sterile character such as this will be popular with our target demographic, so make him look like this but change his weapon"). It's no Eternal Arcadia, but there's still a heart and soul in DQ's very traditional approach to the genre that I'd long abandoned hope of ever seeing again in a Square-Enix game. I believe the talented underdog team at Level 5 is exclusively to blame for this unexpected spike in quality.

  Don't know what you're smiling about, Naka... you're next.

• Ryuu ga Gotoku was released in Japan, and it touches my Shenmue nerve hard. I really want to play it.
• On the topic of recently released Japanese games that I want to play, I should mention Rogue Galaxy, Exit, and Karakuri.
• Animeigo has just released the final boxset of Urusei Yatsura DVD's, which marks the first time that the entire series has been available in the US and is also the precursor to my imminent suicide because once I've finished watching all the Lum there is to watch, I'm not really sure what I'll have to live for. I guess I should schedule counseling sessions in advance, except that death really just seems like less trouble and a more permanent solution.
• Facing charges of crimes against humanity for his recent work, Sonic Team director Takashi Iizuka agrees to commit seppuku and restore his honor as the once-great creative force behind such triumphs as Sonic 3 and NiGHTS. (Actually this hasn't happened yet, but I'm working on it.)

Despite the silence on the front page, site maintenance has never ceased, and some dusty corners have been swept up as per usual. I've updated the museum pages for Mean Bean Machine 8-bit, Cosmo Fighter, Sonic Drift, and Sonic 3, with the S&K page underway. Minor updates have been made to the museum timeline (mainly some European release dates and box art I had hitherto been missing), the cameos page (a couple of new screenshots courtesy of PMM), and the Sonic Café page.

Alot of people have been asking about the as-yet nonexistant Sonic Advance 3 page, I guess because the recent releases have made the extent of my languor evident. I've actually yet to beat Sonic Advance 3... I would not anticipate a museum page for it until I've totally caught up in rewriting all of the stale ones. At the rate I'm going, that should be around 2023. Needless to say, museum pages for Gems, Rush, and Shadow are even further down the line, especially considering the only way I think I'm going to be able to motivate myself to play through them is if the PS3/360 Sonic turns out to be as amazing as it needs to be, and well... I wish I could say I expected that to happen. -- Green Gibbon!

I think it's a beautiful piece of footage, both technically and aesthetically. The changing daylight is a particularly nice effect that could be utilized for some cool ambience. I think there was a general feeling of relief all-round as soon as we concluded that the game was not hideous (as some recent Sonic titles have been), and furthermore, that there were no obvious gimmicks such as "team action" or weaponry. But at the same time, this is new technology we're talking about. It's supposed to be gorgeous; that doesn't qualify as a special feature. The short of the matter is that what I'm seeing, at least, is a very, very pretty Sonic Adventure 1. Granted, I have defended the original Sonic Adventure for years and will do so even now - I still think it's as close to a totally successful 3D Sonic game as Sega's ever come. However, that was 7 years ago on hardware half as powerful. It may still turn out to be an altogether solid platformer, but it most certainly is not the "reinvention" that Sega was promising.

Moreover, I think Sega's brouhaha could turn out to be the deathblow. Of course this PR pageantry is nothing new, but Naka has really been talking the proverbial talk this time. Reverting to the original, undecorated series title is a particularly ballsy move. They are, in effect, advertising, "Okay, this time we're doing it for real." It's easy (for a fan, at least) to brush aside misfires like Sonic Heroes and Shadow with the ever-potent, tried & true "Well, it's not really a Sonic game." This time, however, Sega have ventured to take away even that pillow of reassurance. The ice is thin, and we are skating on it. A prettier Sonic Adventure is not going to be enough. -- Green Gibbon!

Of possibly more significant ramifications, Sega's also announced a new Sonic for the next crop of consoles. I don't think any of us ever doubted that such a thing would be attempted, so that's no big surprise (indeed, I'll be thrown for a loop the next time I hear that there are no new Sonic titles in development). So far the only screenshots they've released are four stills from the E3 tech demo, and while they're pretty, they don't possess much visual flair - that's a fairly generic landscape Sonic's running around in. Still, there's no indication as to what extent, if any, these shots represent the mystery title. Naka speaks mighty words about "reinventing" the series, but such PR squeal is of little worth, so it's really impossible to determine yet whether we should be thrilled, terrified, or flat-out indifferent. Interestingly, the title of the game seems to be simply "Sonic the Hedgehog." Disregarding all sequels and reverting to the original title is not uncommon for series that have been dormant for years, but it's a bit awkward for the Sonic series which has, of course, never been dormant. Ideally it would reflect their desire to jettison the excess baggage and maybe, finally, really give us a new Sonic game - but pardon me if I've become a bit skeptical by this point. Mr. Naka, please make sure Iizuka remains placated with Shadow and don't let him near this one, then we shall see what we shall see.

Anyway, shifting to more immediate concerns, the Sonic Spinball and Mean Bean Machine pages have been updated. The latter will, of course, be excluded from the encyclopedia, but I'm still not totally decided on the former. With references to Sonic's early 90's TV cartoons, some serious Chaos Emerald continuity discrepancies, and a grossly off-model Eggman, it's not a game that is entirely kosher. But I still think the Veg-O-Fortress is cool, so I dunno. What say you happy children? -- Green Gibbon!

And this photo from the set of the upcoming Katamari Damacy live-action movie:

And this picture of Yu Suzuki flipping off a magazine journalist:

And this picture of Chun-li's boobies:

And this screenshot from Tashiro Masashi no Princess ga Ippai:

Here at the GHZ, we think outside the box.

For those who ventured here seeking new content, you'll find the only instance of such a thing in the Encyclopedia, which now contains entries pertaining to Sonic CD and Sonic & Tails. There's a bit more spit & polish here and about, but as usual, nothing worth recounting on the front page.

One iGREKKESS of French fansite SegaKore recently posted a 15-minute playthrough of Segasonic the Hedgehog, covering the entire game from start to finish. It's a good download if you ever wanted to see what the game is supposed to look like, when not chugging at half power through a clunky emulator. He was also kind enough to share the game credits, which have been added to the Segasonic museum page. Only family names are listed with first initials, but with a wee bit of research I was able to determine the voice actors, at least -- some valuable information considering this was Sonic's (and Eggman's) first speaking appearance. Sonic is played by Takeshi Kusao, who's got quite a few credits to his name, most prominently Trunks from Dragon Ball Z and Ky Kiske from the Guilty Gear games. Hinako Yoshino (who was Hinako Kanamaru at the time of the Segasonic recordings) provides the voice of Ray, while Yusuke Numata produces the words of Mighty. Both seem to be mainly bit part actors. (Yoshino, for what it's worth, was among the huge cast of extras in Shenmue II.) The original speaking voice of Eggman was Masaharu Satou, who also has a large repertoire, though not many starring roles. It doesn't seem like Sega bent the budget.

The main problem with being stupid, from my experience, is that it makes it difficult to tell when somebody else is being stupid. Of course this opens up a whole can of philosophical worms - if everyone is stupid, but nobody realizes anyone else is stupid, what is it that makes them stupid? If there's a great cosmic standard of intellect that nobody on one isolated planet is aware of, can such a measure be applied to the microcosm in which said planet exists? And by what macrocosmic dictate is the "outer" standard of intellect greater or more viable than the one in use on the planet in question if both, indeed, have the same overall result in their respective domains? Theses have been written, I'm sure, but for our purposes, it means that I, through my ignorance, have been shamefully lead around by what can only be construed as a mistranslation in Sonic Adventure 2. In the English language dialogue and subtitles of the game, Tails identifies ARK as the "first Bernoulli spherical space colony". Bernoulli, it can be assumed, refers to Johann Bernoulli, his brother Jakob, and his offspring, who collectively formed a very prominent family of mathematicians in the late 1600's and early 1700's. To one who is stupid, such as myself, this seems a reasonable enough connection. However, my error (and presumably the error of Sega of America's translators) was recently brought to light by Pyschobob, who wrote the article "On Location with Sonic Adventure" a while back. I double checked the game in reference to Psychobob's tip, and indeed, what Tails actually says in both the original Japanese dialogue and subtitles is "Bernal" space colony. The Bernal sphere is a proposed space habitat first suggested in 1929 by Dr. John Desmond Bernal. Needless to say, this makes much more sense than Bernoulli. But alas, ignorance is not my sole evil, and I am also victim to the sin of sloth. As such, I haven't yet bothered to fix my error on the SA2 page, and probably won't until I get around to it in the cycle of the current museum overhaul (which is currently only up to Sonic & Tails). Still, being that nobody pointed out my error until now, I assume I am among others who are also stupid, so perhaps that "greater" cosmic reality is irrelevant to our microcosm of self-imposed ignorance.

The difference, I think, between scientists and philosophers is that scientists discover something cool and think: "Wow, what do you think this means? Let's find out!" Philosophers, meanwhile, read about what scientists have discovered and think: "Wow, what do you think this means? I bet it means this!" As far as I'm concerned, it all boils down to Shenmue in the end. Everything does. -- Green Gibbon!

Written content and original graphics copyright © 1997-2005 Jared Matte. Sonic the Hedgehog characters, logos, and images are trademarks of SEGA Corporation. The GHZ is an independent fansite and is not affiliated with SEGA Corporation. Webhosting provided by Emulation Zone and Emulation World.